Monthly Archives: November 2012

The thing about women’s clothes

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After losing a stack of weight years ago (about 28kg/62lb, for anyone who cares), I had to do the one thing I dreaded more than the effort required to lose the weight in the first place: buy a new wardrobe.

I am not a fashion queen. I am not glamorous. Until that point in my life, my clothes shopping was conducted in the “you’re-obese-but-we-love-you-anyway” section, or in the men’s department. So my wardrobe consisted mostly of things that didn’t fit me properly (eg a super-long leg because the waist needed to be so huge) and were ugly.

So when it came time to actually go clothes shopping, I had pretty low expectations. But I was surprised. First of all, things actually fit and looked good. But the thing that really got me was…

….apparently women don’t need pockets. Being that I wore men’s clothes for so very long, it never occurred to me that clothing for women would be so fucking useless. Listen up, folks, I’m a dyke. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a glamour queen, not a fucking catwalk model. I want clothes that can hold my car keys. My wallet. My mobile phone. I don’t want no stinking purse!!!!

And apparently women don’t wear long sleeves, or require clothing that keeps them warm. No, that is exclusively a male requirement.

I’ve wanted to write about this so many times, but every time I’ve refrained. But it turns out someone’s beaten me to the punch. Have a read of this great article: http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-most-baffling-things-about-womens-clothes/

Every single word is golden truth.

 

And while you're there, visit this one:  http://www.cracked.com/article_18622_plus-sized-clothes-translating-baffling-euphemisms.html.  Also golden truth.

Benson’s wristwatch

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Just for fun, I thought I'd check out what sort of watch Benson wears on SVU.  I've always known deep down inside that all the stuff these characters wear is way out of the range of "normal", "affordable" or "realistic" – either for the characters or for the people watching the show.

So it wasn't a great surprise when I found that the Benson character wears a Breitling Chronomat.  For those of you who are curious what this looks like, and more importantly, how much such a thing costs, check this out:

http://www.chrono24.com/en/breitling/chronomat–mod13.htm.  The cheapest one is a touch over a thousand dollars!!!!!  And hey, if you feel like going up-market, there's the $33,500 version. If that's a little cheap for your tastes, try on the $75,300 version.  What's that, you still feel like it's not quite expensive enough?  No problem.  There's a few that fit into the "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" category.

Fucking oath, what drugs are these people on?  Is it any wonder that regular Joe Schmoes like us will never, ever, ever look like the people we idolise?