This blog has moved - go to http://www.maxxxie.net/

My little black dog turns one today!  I'll post some photos over the weekend

This one is priceless, a) because of the level involved in trying to sell their product, and b) the shocking Penglish (that's Polish English, folks).  They almost had my business though, until they declared their use of Windows NT.  That is sooooooooooooo 1999.

Give a leg up
Customers that are really fearful almost speeds that a viewer can spy their spot, prerequisite to consider how irresponsible the servers are. Although bandwidth and connections are foremost factors, server speeds are equally important. A server that is a hotelier to many sites that are being accessed simultaneously may keep one's head above water bogged down. No topic how stable the connection is this can seriously slow down a viewer’s hastiness to surf as a consequence a site. A straightforward avenue to evaluate the skedaddle at which a server responds is called "pinging" a site. This will determine how speedily a server can obtain and send behindhand a miniature piece of facts including the kin you acquire to it.

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Server Software
Server software can also affect a site. UNIX and Windows NT are the most common server software environments. Advanced developers should be aware of what applications they will be using and assess which software territory intent best conform to their needs. Some hosting companies not make available anyone of the two software options.

Deposit
Protecting a purlieus's figures from unwanted intrusions is another mood thoughtfulness for the snare developer when selecting a host. The hosting corporation's pledge protocols should be outlined. Safeguard from run-of-the-mill repudiation of putting into play attacks and the various hacks and cracks that disposition be attempted on your server is essential. The hosting company should be dependable for the benefit of upgrading and maintaining these security measures. "The purely deed worse than having no security is ratiocinative you possess some" (Declaration the Entertainer, 2001).

Bloke Employment
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Reliability
Checking excuse the reliability of a advice is also uncommonly important. Hosts for the most part receive several backup systems in case something goes off beam with the particular servers. They also can bond less "down period" by backup power systems such as a diesel generator.

My new host is pretty good at getting rid of email spam before it ever reaches me.  However, when it comes to comment spam (ie from this blog), it occasionally defeats my antispam tool and reaches me.  Most of the time, the spam in question tries to suck up to me and says things like "Your blog is wonderful!  I've bookmarked it and will definitely return!".  Now, this makes me feel very good about myself, because it means that not only is my blog good, it's so good that it's known within the spamming community!  :lol:

Today's spam was another story.  It's clear they're not being Mr Nice Guy anymore:

"I'll complain that you have copied material from another source".

Yup, you read that right.  The spammers are threatening to dob me in for plagiarism.  Don't these people know you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?

I love the Runglish (Russian English) in this spam.  See the yellow highlights.

Greatings Mister the Best Man!

The reduction of the universe to a single being, the expansion of a single being even to God, this is love.

Hello Honey! I would like to tell you a bit about myself.

I'm tall with a middle figure.

I have long blond, very beautiful hair, small nice nose, perfect lips and big blue eyes.

I am a sociable easy going person, so I like meeting friends, going out, have fun and new something interesting.

I'm looking for a strong relations with a caring and smart man!

I am really tired of all these temporary relations.

I would like to find a man who will be able to estimate not only my beauty, but also my brain and my soul...

I want him to kind and handsome, brave and tender, romantic and honest.

my site: <removed>

my sweetheart, hope to hear soon from you

This would have to be one of the best spams I've received in ages.  Why in the hell would I want to buy charcoal from overseas?  Unless that charcoal miraculously turns into diamonds, I aint buying.

We offer charcoal for BBQ.
We select our charcoal from the best type of Hard Woods.
Origin - Ukraine.
Delivery direct from Ukraine.
We are manufacturer.
We are able to pack in different type and size of bags.We can achieve the best charcoal price with the best quality
We are looking for business co-operation with you.

Holy shit, it's been a while since I've updated this blog.  Months have passed and I didn't even realise it.  Lots has happened between then and now, and I'm a bit busy to write it all just at the moment... meanwhile, see if you enjoy this new site I've been working on.

I just learned about this site called Strava.com.  It's like a lot of other GPS upload/ride mapping sites in that you upload your ride data and it does stuff with it.  But what's different is that it compares your rides a) to each other and b) to other peoples'.  So it creates leaderboards and other cool stuff.

I was so impressed with this that I signed up for a paid account so that I could upload all of my rides.  And lo, it turns out that the ride I wrote about on the 3rd of February was in fact a near-PB!    I knew it had been a good ride home, but didn't realise it was *that* good!!! 

I just CBF studying today.  It's a beautiful day and I'd rather spend it outside in the hammock reading a good book.  Think I might do that after this fly-by posting.

My one or two regular readers will recall that I attended a vSphere 4.1 course last week.  It was pretty full-on, being that I knew close to nothing about the product before attending.  I got a lot out of it.  I've decided this is the way to go, career-wise.  My immediate goal is to get the VCP and to update my MS certs.

With this in mind, I'm setting up a test lab.  My initial plan was to set the whole thing up under VMware Workstation:

• 2 x ESXi 4.1 hosts (ie virtualised under Workstation), hosting their own VMs
• A vCenter server to manage the two hosts
• A Win2k8R2 DC to provide directory/authentication services
• A hardware NAS appliance to provide iSCSI and NFS storage locations for the two virtualised hosts to use

The thing about training courses is that the systems you're provided are pre-installed with everything you need to just get stuck into it.  You don't need to concern yourself with the installation of the host(s), the configuration of the operating system that will host vCenter etc etc etc.... you know where I'm going with this, right?

The installation of the virtualised ESXi host was very straight-forward.  There's really not much to it.  I configured the TCP/IP settings and moved on to setting up the vCenter box.  It all installed fine.  viClient connected fine to the vCenter service.  I was able to connect the host, and lo, I was ready to repeat the labs I'd done during the course.

But within seconds, things started to come unstuck.  There was a great big red X against the host object.  Hmm.  It's disconnected itself.  OK.. I can ping it.. hmm, odd.  Reconnect.  Let's get on with creating some guest VMs (yes, a guest inside a guest).  I got as far as mounting the ISO, then it crapped out again.  Disconnected.  What the?  Fine.. maybe the host's unhappy.. I'll do the obligatory reboot of both host and vCenter.  Predictably, this did nothing except waste some of my time.  Sure enough, once I logged on, the problem recurred.

I tried everything I could think of (ie not much, since I know only just less than fuck-all about vSphere).  I actually resigned myself to the looming reality that I might not be able to do this completely virtualised after all.  EVEN THOUGH OTHERS HAVE DONE IT!!!!!  So I trawled ebay.  I trawled auction houses.  I ummed and ahhed.  Should I go with a whitebox build?  Should I just bite the bullet and get something that's VMware certified - so that in the event that it all goes to shit, at least I know there's no underlying incompatibility?  But, oh, God... the money.  The money.  THE MONEY!  I paid for this vSphere course out of my own pocket (GreenSight's training budget is now non-existent), so I was already out a touch over four grand.  Could I really finance a fully physical test environment?  Finally, I decided no way, no how - if others have done this, I can too.  The problem isn't that this can't be done.  The problem is that I don't know how to do it!

I consulted the all-knowing Google (not for the first time, I might add).  I had to trawl through lots of useless results before finally hitting upon the right combination of search terms, keywords and operators to get the information I needed.  I found a link to a VMware knowledge base article that suggested IP connectivity might be the problem.  See, I'd pinged the host from the vCenter server, but not the other way round.  Because the pings all came back, I'd assumed - incorrectly - that all was good with the network.  I'd forgotten, you see, that Microsoft, in its wisdom, enables a fucking firewall on Windows Server 2003 and up.  Sure enough, when I pinged the vCenter server from the host, they all failed.  MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!

Once I understood that the problem was with the vCenter server itself, I disabled the Windows Firewall and voila!  Perfect connectivity!

Now - there will be some among you who might think that I was a dickhead for not realising this all on my own.  And you're right.  However, this is the sort of learning that pays off over and over and over again.  As a result of this exercise, I now know something I didn't before.  You see, managed ESXi hosts like to say hello to their management servers.  Not every once in a while.  Every ten seconds!  Yes, the instructor did mention this.  Yes, I should've realised its significance.  And it seems I even made a big note of it in the course textbook.  But if it weren't for this incident, I wouldn't have run a network capture afterwards, and I wouldn't have seen just how chatty these systems are.  The instructor did point out that vCenter and the hosts it manages like to be well-connected, but this really highlighted it.  It's something I won't ever forget.

Thankyou, Windows Firewall.  For once, you achieved something useful.

All sorts of things have been happening, work-wise.  It's reminded me that I need to keep my skills up to date.  I've decided it's time to update my MCSE to an MCITP:EA.  I've also decided I need to get some other specialties under my belt.  To this end, I'm learning about VMware vSphere, with a view to doing the VCP certification.  I've also decided that I really ought to round it out with a CCNA (I've only studied the CCNA coursework, oh, about half a dozen times in the last ten years.. funnily enough, for things other than certification).

Now, I've been using VMware products in some form or another even since they started (around 1998, from memory).  I used the VMware products to create test labs so that I could do my NT4 and 2000 MCSE study.  Back then, VMware (which later became a separate product called VMware Workstation) was in its infancy.  It was a handy tool, useful for test labs and such, but was still pretty green.  Much has changed between then and now, with VMware becoming a world leader in virtualisation.

I had an opportunity to learn about VMware's vSphere 4 platform a few years back and turned it down.  I should've realised that it was the Next Big Thing and gone with it.  Instead, I thought "meh" and moved on with my life.  This is completely in line with how I judge things that later turn out to be HUGE.  Here are a few of the things that, over the years, I've looked at and thought "who'd ever use that":

1. Sharepoint
2. NetApp and other SAN and SAN-like products
3. Facebook/Twitter/Myspace/any other variation on social networking
4. iPhones (words my missus will never let me forget I said: "A phone should just be a phone")
5. iPads (I still stand by my judgement that this is an unnecessary thing, but the world disagrees with me)

In my defence, I always did think that Google and Amazon would turn out to be huge.  However, here's a tip for you:  If ever you come up with an idea and want to know if it's a world-changer, just ask me.  If my answer is "meh", GO FOR IT!  You'll make a fortune, and I'll be able to say "I knew that person back when they were nothing!"

Anyhow.  Back to VMware.

I snaffled a workmate's course material from when he did the VMware vSphere course.  Just the first few chapters really opened my eyes about this family of products and what it can do for businesses.  I'm very excited about it now.  So excited that I've signed myself up for the vSphere course.  Lotsa $$$ that work can't afford, so it's come out of my pocket.    However, I think it will do me the world of good professionally and also intellectually.

I've spent the last few days setting up a VMware test lab.  Trying to do this on a budget of zero dollars, my first strategy was to try to set up an ESXi server as a guest inside VMware Workstation.  Believe it or not, this is technically possible, and it does actually seem to work.  However, there are a few challenges with this:

1. RAM.  I've got 8GB in my machine, and ESXi wants 2GB just for itself.  It also needs a vCenter server set up, which means an x64 server-class OS installed in another guest.  Goodbye another 1GB of RAM.  Actually, 2GB, because it will also need an instance of SQL Server Express, and 1GB just aint enough.  Then there's the RAM for my host machine to do what it needs to do (because I have lots of other windows open researching this and that).  And finally, the ESXi guest will eventually need more RAM allocated to it so that I can create some actual guests on it.  8GB just aint cutting it, and the fallback (paging) is just killing the disk with IOPS.
2. Disk space.  100GB free sounds like a lot until you start allocating it to VMs here and there.
3. Performance.  Oy.  With the two points above, it should be no surprise that it runs like a bag of crap.  Also, the ESXi "host" keeps losing its connection to the network.
4. Realism.  I can try and keep it all on the one piece of hardware, but I just don't think that's going to cut it.

As much as I've been trying to avoid it, I think I will have to create a lab of physical machines to properly round out my education.  Fortunately for me, I have plenty of Cisco crap already so it's going to be all about the VMware lab.

I'm going to have to do a bit more learning before I decide on an ideal lab, but I'm thinking one host machine with lots of RAM and a 2TB disk (newsflash: ESX can't cope with larger disks), plus a second machine running something like OpenFiler to act as a quasi-SAN for testing the HA/DRS/vMotion etc capabilities of vSphere.  I suspect this lab will grow as my curiosity grows, but it's a decent start.  And it will, of course, be strung together with all my spare Cisco gear.

Anyway... that's what's going on with me at the moment.  I must go now, I have much VMware-related web browsing to do.

This would have to be one of the funniest YouTubes evah:

A friend recently admonished me for not keeping my blog up to date.  In my defence, I've been using Facebook to dish out one-liners instead of producing the sort of prose I'd normally write here.  So if you were a Facebook friend, you'd be seeing all my witty one-liners instead of coming here to see the same old months-old posts.

Anyway.  Much has been happening and TBH I don't want to spend too much time writing about it here, so here's a few bullet points.

• The puppies are growing up fast.  They're getting on great, which we're very pleased about.  They're a lot of hard work, too.  I'd forgotten how much effort is required to live with puppies.
• Yesteray, Ziva had a lump removed from her head.  It's been there since day one, and growing.  We all expected to find it full of grass seeds or some other foreign body.  In fact, it turned out to be the remnants of a tube that contained her spinal cord in utero.  It was attached to her skull and had to be detached from the bone.  The vet ended up removing about two square inches of tissue, skin and hair that had grown into the tube.  She seems content and I can’t help feeling that she seems much happier and more alert.  I could be imagining this last part, of course, but anyway, she’s OK.  We have to keep her confined for 10 days.  We've got a cage (which they kindly refer to as a "crate", but it's a cage) and she seems happy enough in it.  Kelly, of course, is very curious about Ziva's stitches, so it's a good thing we have a cage for her.  So far, no need to be a bucket-head.
• Work has been insanely busy.  I've been working on a Windows 7/hardware refresh project since about September last year, and it all culminated in a huge deployment activity over a period of three weeks in March/April.  About 600 computers, total, distributed over about 40 sites.  Needless to say, this has involved a lot of time and effort, not to mention stress.  It's all but done, now, with just a bit of cleanup in progress.
• I requested a position title change, so now instead of being Infrastructure Support Coordinator, I am a Project Services Engineer.  This has not stopped people from ringing me and pestering me for support.    Hopefully they'll get the message soon.

Anyway... that's the last few months in bullet form.  Not much to see here, move along people, move along...

Now, I'm willing to bet you were fooled into opening this post because you think I bought two new bikes.  Curb your disappointment, because, in fact, it has nothing to do with buying bikes.

You see, I'm not talking about bringing two more bikes into my house. No. I'm talking about..... PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LiveJournal friends, the pictures might not come through.  Visit the blog directly at http://www.maxxxie.net/

Ziva, our little rottie:



and Kelly, our white german shepherd:



They keep themselves amused by playing together:



... and by coveting whichever toy the other dog has, in this case, a stick:



Ziva tends to win most of these contests, despite being much smaller than Kelly. Note the look of triumph on her face:



They're keeping me and MaxBabe very busy at the moment. There's lots of running around, toilet training, cleaning , getting up in the middle of the night, feeding, playing and so on. Our house looks like a bomb hit it and smells.. well, let me just say that two puppies generate a number of puddles daily. They're getting better, but it's probably best I don't throw a dinner party any time soon. A friend of ours suggested that we've been hit by Cyclone Ziva and Cyclone Kelly! So far, I agree!

With that in mind, some of my favourite times this past week have been when they're doing this:





And before anyone says it, yes, I know the valve is in at an angle. Try to look away from the bike and behold the cuteness of a sleeping puppy

I had an awesome ride home last night.  I got off the train at Roma St and decided to wear my yellow tint glasses instead of my sunnies.  I sent MaxBabe a text message letting her know I was on my way.  Off I rode, forgetting to turn on my GPS.  I got to the golf club in Herston and decided the yellow tint glasses were a bad idea (not dark enough, too much fogging) and got off the bike, faffed about with my panniers to find my sunnies, and put them on.  I turned on the GPS and continued my merry way.

As I got to the intersection of Noble St and Newmarket Rd, a couple of cyclists stopped beside me.  One, an American guy, started chatting with me about the weight I was carrying.  I commented about the heat, and mentioned that I'd actually decided to leave my laptop at work to make the ride home a bit easier.  He was riding with a woman who I presume was his wife or girlfriend, and we made small talk until the lights turned green.  They headed off and I wished them a good ride.

Then, something clicked inside me.  Even though I decided I'd take it easy because of the heat, I felt compelled to keep up with them.  So I pushed hard to keep up.  Kedron Brook Rd has a flat section before a climb, and for some reason I always find this flat section a bit challenging.  But last night, I didn't care.  I just wanted to keep up.  So I stayed within a few metres of them.  As they climbed up the hill, cars to the right of us were banked up.  There was a car turning right and in his impatience, some wally had tried to overtake it on the left, and went into the bike lane.  There actually wasn't enough room for him to do this, so he stopped.  The couple were able to squeeze through, but I, with my panniers and wider load, couldn't do it.  I had to slow right down, and prayed the car would turn right soon enough that the car in the bike lane would be able to drive off, and I'd be able to get past without having to stop.  Ever tried to do a hill start on a big hill carrying a heavy load?  Well, let me tell you, I didn't want to find out just how bad that would be.  Anyway, finally the car turned right, the wally got out of the bike lane, and I was able to continue on without stopping.  But by then, the couple were several hundred metres ahead of me, and I resigned myself to the fact that the chase was over.

They turned right at the roundabout, obviously heading for the Kedron Brook bike path.  Most people join this path by taking a direct route to a very narrow path with a tight turn onto the main path.  I dislike this route, so I take a bit of a longer way to get there.  I figured that'd give them another couple hundred metres on me, but if I pushed, I could catch them.  Once on the main path, I started pushing hard.  I couldn't see them, but hey, they couldn't be that far away, right?  After a few minutes, I could see them in the distance.  I cranked it some more and closed the gap.  I finally caught them just past the Webster Rd underpass.  He was doing regular shoulder checks and saw me behind him.  I waved and he greeted me.

We got separated by slowing down for pedestrians, runners, other cyclists, and a few twisty turns.  Every time we got separated, I pushed to catch them.  This went on through to the back of Alderley/Enoggera.  Separate, catch, separate, catch, separate, catch.  He started egging me on.  "COME ON!!!!!!" he'd yell at me whenever they put 100m or so between us.  I chased them hard.  I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.  I passed other cyclists like they were standing still, but I was running out of steam.  Finally, by the time we got to Everton Park, they were a hundred metres or so in front of me, and I just couldn't catch them anymore.  I was a little disappointed, but I was mostly happy about how I'd given it my all.  And hey, keeping up with them, though laden down with panniers and all my crap (bar laptop), was not a bad effort, given they weren't carrying anything at all.

Then, off in the distance, I saw them turn off the path where I normally turn off.  Maybe I can catch them after all!  We joined Griffith Rd in Everton Park/Mitchelton and by then I was only a car length behind them.  We rode through Brookside and got to the lights.  They filtered through to the front, but I stayed back.  He waved at me, encouraging me to join them, but I was pretty baked by then.  I'd started getting cramps in my left calf, and my resolve was fading fast.  I waved a "thanks, but no thanks" gesture.  The lights turned green, and they took off slowly.  The cars passed them and I rejoined them.  We started chatting.  I asked if they were locals, and it turns out they live only a couple suburbs away.  He was clearly a regular rider, while she looked like she was just getting into it.  All through the ride, he'd been encouraging her, sometimes putting his hand on her back and giving her a bit of a push when she needed it.  She proudly announced that yesterday was the second time she'd ridden all the way into town and all the way back.  I gave her encouragement and wished them well, and thanked them for the ride.  We said our goodbyes, and parted ways.

When I got home, my legs were jelly, but I felt fantastic.  MaxBabe exclaimed, "You're home early!  I didn't expect you here so fast!". 

I told her the story, and all she could say was, "I can't believe you did that in this heat.".  That's my girl!!

Facebookers, I note that images and videos don't seem to make it into my cross-posts.  Full URL here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEBIZ2KLsPA

I know I've written before about my odd dreams, but some are so odd they need to be shared.  I've been having trouble sleeping lately, so my (remembered) dreams are few and far between.  Last night I didn't have one long continuous dream, but lots of smaller ones.  I can only remember two of them.

Dream 1:  I dreamt I found a heap of bicycle tail lights in the study.  All of them were smaller than a 5 cent coin, and about as useful.

Dream 2:  I dreamt I was having trouble climbing a hill and was trying to shift into an easier gear.  Unknowingly, the front was on the big chainring, and instead of shifting to bigger cogs on the back I was somehow shifting to smaller ones (making it harder).  At some point I realised this so started shifting to bigger rear cogs, and then the chain started rubbing and finally threw itself off the gears altogether.  I pulled over to figure out WTF had happened, when two guys pulled over to help me.  But instead of helping, they just kept saying stupid shit like "oh, did something happen to your chain?".  In the dream, I pulled out some rubber gloves (I keep them in my saddle bag so my hands don't get dirty doing roadside repairs), but they were covered in grease - both inside and outside the gloves.  So I ended up getting dirty hands.

I'm pretty sure there was another dream, but I can't remember it.  It was probably just as mundane as the two above.  I wonder what my dreams say about me?

I have dreams about cycling.  Last night, I had a dream that I got a puncture.  I wonder what the Freudian interpretation of this might be?  Is a puncture just a puncture?  Or is it some sinister, subconscious trick of the mind?

Don't you just hate it when you're looking for a particular thing, and you know where that particular thing is, but it's just not bloody there?  I am looking for my tape measure.  I know exactly where the tape measure is.  I'm looking there, and the tape measure is nowhere to be seen.  Yet, I know it's there.  ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

The worst part is that I will express this frustration to MaxBabe and she'll go directly to the tape measure, and it will be exactly where I thought it was.

Edit: I found it!  Without MaxBabe's help!  And it was exactly where I thought it was, except it was obscured by some flotsam. 

... it is back.

I have achieved this year's goal of cycling 5000Km.  The ride that put me across the line was a lovely 70Km river loop with a mate and some friends of his. 

So I've updated my blogging software to the latest and greatest version.  I've already encountered one bug which has been worked around until such time an actual bug fix is released.  Feel free to tell me about any other glitches you find!  I'll be turning comments back on, and look forward to the resultant slew of spam.

Well, it's not quite new year's eve yet, but I figure what the hell... here's a wrap-up of 2010.

2011 has been a bit of a mixed bag for me.  At work, it's been one stressful project after the next.  I've managed to deliver each project to spec, on time and on budget, but the stress levels are out of control.  I'm not a project manager, but I've somehow fallen into the role.  In between projects, I've done a lot of business travel, which has been disruptive for work and home life alike.  I think I'll stick at it for another couple years, then take my long service leave and move on.

I met Comedian on one of my commutes and he's turned into a semi-regular commute buddy.  It's been nice to have someone to share the ride with when I need to go into town for work. 

MaxBabe and I celebrated our seventh anniversary in June.  We had a nice sushi dinner, then came home to the news that her brother had died earlier that day.  He was 49.  That whole week is a bit of a blur for me.  Travelling to Gladstone for his funeral, being with the family under such difficult circumstances, trying to give MaxBabe whatever support she needed.  The whole thing was really sad. 

In September, I once again rode in Cycle Queensland.  This was my second CQ, and I felt much stronger than on last year's CQ.  What a difference a year makes.  I attribute the improved performance to the fact that I did much more bicycle commuting this year than last.

I attended my high school 20th reunion this year.  It was nice to see so many nice people again, and to see how so many of them have changed.  I'm told I haven't changed a bit, which I don't believe, but which was nice to hear anyway.

I missed 20FLT (now 220SQN) AIRTC's 50th anniversary celebrations.  Very unhappy about that.  Learnt about it after joining facebook (in aid of the high school reunion).  But also managed to find some of my old Cadet buddies, so it's not all bad.

I got myself the commuter bike I'd been promising myself for the last twelve months.  It's everything I wanted in a commuter, and I'm really happy with it!  I'm looking forward to more commuting in 2011. 

MitchellMutt had pancreatitis earlier this year.  He was so stoic about being unwell.  By the time we realised something was wrong, he was very sick indeed.  He spent a week in hospital in April.  He recovered, and with a change in diet, really improved.  The vets were a little concerned about some abnormal results on an ultrasound.  They saw swelling of his liver but couldn't identify whatever was causing it.  In early December, I travelled down to Sydney for work.  During that week, he was out of sorts and started coughing.  MaxBabe took him to the vet, who suspected pneumonia.  I came home that weekend, and went to see him.  He was happy enough, but obviously unwell.  The vet couldn't keep him over the weekend, so we took him to the local specialists for hospitalisation.  They took one look at his lung x-rays and said it wasn't pneumonia.  Ultrasound confirmed he had growths in his spleen, liver and lungs.  He had cancer, and the prognosis was 3 months at best.  We said our goodbyes and put him to sleep.  He was six weeks shy of his 13th birthday.  I miss him like crazy. 

This was the year that MaxBabe finally realised I'm not like her exes and won't run off with a floozy or steal all her money.  She's finally realised that maybe buying a house with me isn't a bad idea.  We're on track to have a deposit saved, ready to buy late next year. 

The day we had Mitchell put down, MaxBabe's dad had a heart attack.  The twits at Gladstone hospital told him he was fine and sent him home.  Two days later, he ended up being flown down to Brisbane for treatment.  The problem was atrial fibrullation, which the doctors resolved by way of a cardioversion.  However, in the process they discovered that his aortic valve had reached its use-by date (it had been replaced 7 years earlier) and needed to be replaced.  He had surgery two days ago for the AVR and is doing really well.  He's in good spirits and his outlook is good.  MaxBabe is a theatre nurse in a cardiac surgery unit, so she knows and understands every little thing about his condition and his treatment.  She's been on the phone non-stop to his family ever since he's been down here.

So... 2010 has had its share of ups and downs.  I'm in a bit of a downswing at the moment, and I really feel like I could take a bit of a break from everything.  I'm looking forward to 2011, purely so that I can officially see the back of 2010.  Here's hoping for a few more ups!

... is a motorist who assumes a lane is clear instead of actually checking.

Mitchy came home today.  Pets in Peace cremated him and he's in a box with a picture frame attached.  My friend Adam is fixing up a photo to fit in the frame.

It's so nice to have him home, but sad too.  I miss him.

MaxBabe took Mitch to the vet on Friday morning.  He'd been out of sorts for a couple days and was starting to cough.  The vet gave him fluids and antibiotics, which seemed to help.  They did an X-ray on Saturday and found something in his lungs.  The vet felt it might've been pneumonia.  She recommended we move Mitch to the local veterinary specialist, as the vets are not open on Sundays and therefore couldn't keep him overnight.  So we took Mitch to the specialists Saturday afternoon.  The specialist took a look at the X-rays and basically said it looked more like cancer than pneumonia.  She recommended an ultrasound to see if there were any other abnormalities.

The ultrasonographer found a large growth on his spleen, and growths in his liver and lungs.  The vet called and basically said that it was cancer.  If it was a treatable cancer, the outlook would be 3-6 months.  Otherwise, it would be much shorter.

We spent the night weighing up the options.  We decided that we did not want him to go through a prolonged decline.  If possible, we'd bring Mitch home so he could be in familiar surroundings.  Then, in a couple days time, take him to the vet to be put to sleep.

With that in mind, we went to visit Mitch yesterday morning.  Even after 2 days of round-the-clock care, it was clear he was struggling to breathe.  There was no way we could bring him home.  We decided that it would be best for him to put him to sleep straight away.  I did not want for him to struggle to breathe any longer.  The vet confirmed he would never get better, only worse, so that was that.

We spent about an hour with him, cuddling him and giving him lots of pats.  When it was time, we called the vet in.  My puppy died in my arms.

He was 12 years and 10 months old.

Mitchell fell sick on Wednesday.  Long story short, it's cancer.  The prognosis is not good.  Assuming it's treatable, he'll have 3-6 months at best.  MaxBabe and I decided last night it would be best to put him to sleep ASAP.

MaxBabe received a call this morning to tell her that her father's had a cardiac event and is being sent down to Brisbane.

Could today get any worse?

Actually, not just one new win, but heaps!  Check out their new site - Wins!  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So - I decided it was time to replace the flat on the Cannondale. This flat mysteriously appeared a week or so ago. Anyway, I removed the back wheel, pulled the tyre off with the help of only one tyre lever (yay me!), and set about picking out glass and other miscellany from the tyre. I inflated the tube but couldn't find the site of the puncture. So I let it sit, and sure enough it was deflated within half an hour or so. OK, so the tube is definitely punctured somewhere. I reinflated it and finally found the site of the puncture. I tracked it back to a chunk of glass in the tyre. Satisfied that all was well, I decided to install a new tube and get the wheel back onto the bike.

I replaced the tube, and set about getting the Gatorskin back on the rim. Sweet merciful crap, it's a bastard to get back on. I used my levers and my Koolstop tyre jack, and finally got the bloody thing back on. I squeezed the tyre all round, manipulating it to make sure the tube was definitely inside its borders and not jammed between it and the rim. Satisfied, I half-inflated the tube. I pushed, I prodded, I checked to make sure there was no pinching. All good. I inflated to full pressure. No exploding, no hissing, everything was great.

I spent the next HOUR AND A HALF trying to get the back wheel back into the flipping dropouts. I've never been good at this, but even for me, this is some kind of record. Seriously, an hour and a half. I swore. I cursed. I whinged. I jammed my fingers in the derailleur. I almost cried. But I persisted, and finally the axle was in the dropout, the chain was installed, and all was good. I tested the gears. They actually changed up and down as they're supposed to! Even better!

Then I turned the wheel and noticed an oddity. There seemed to be something of a flat spot on the tyre. I turned it some more. Yes, definitely something not right there. The tyre appeared mis-shapen. I'm sure it wasn't like that before, so it was probably something I did during all the fracking about with the tyre. Sigh. So I left the wheel in place, and deflated the tyre. I squeezed, I prodded, I inspected to make sure the tube wasn't bulging anywhere. I reinflated. It got to 20 PSI, then all the air came flying out of the tube, and that was it.

I'm assuming it's a pinch flat, but like hell I'm going to try to fix it right now. The bike, the tyre, the tube, the dropouts, the axle, the derailleur and everything else I've touched today can all go and get fucked.

Our schools are populated by illiterate, inconsiderate, disrespectful baboons.

My mailbox has a sign on it:  "NO JUNK MAIL".  It's an unambiguous sign.  I've just come back from pulling my dog away from a kid, his siblings and his mother, who felt it was a good idea to come up to the mailbox and stuff it full of advertising material for the local school.

Are you people dumb?  Or just arses?  Is it too much to ask that you teach your children that unsolicited advertising material does, in fact, qualify as junk mail?  And that said junk mail shouldn't be put into a mailbox that is clearly labelled as NO JUNK MAIL?

If it weren't for the fence separating you, my dog would've enjoyed snacking on your kid, lady.  Maybe I should've opened the gate and let him have at it, eh?

Yesterday, I took the new bike out for a ride to work (as opposed to riding into town, which is what I did last week). This involves riding to town, catching the train to Oxley, then riding from Oxley to work.

As much as a pleasure the bike is to actually ride, walking it anywhere when loaded is a real nuisance. I'm so accustomed to the Cannondale, being able to just lift the thing and basically manhandle it anywhere I want it to go. Not so with the Specialized and its panniers. No. The back end is like a giant lump of lead. To get into the train station, I had to take it up four small steps. HARDEST TASK EVAH. I did find the wheelchair ramp on the return trip, but still. So, I got up to the platform and realised I'd have to lift the bloody thing onto the train. Not to be defeated, I found the wheelchair access, a part of the platform that's raised so it's level with the train doors. Yay!

I got onto the train only to discover it was full of people, and I had to stand. I tried to fold down one of those retractable seats, but it wouldn't budge. One of the other passengers had a crack and it and even he couldn't get it to move. Sigh. A few stops later, people got off the train, and I was able to sit down on a seat near the doors. As we approached my station, I mentally prepared myself for the task ahead. I visualised successfully maneouvering the bike backwards and sideways so that I could quickly push it through the doors and onto the platform.

It didn't happen. The train lurched to a stop, and I got up. I reversed the bike as I always do, and turned it around as I was doing so. The weight of the panniers made the bike fall onto me, somehow jamming both my legs between the front wheel and the chainring. I was absolutely pinned. I couldn't move. To my horror, the doors started to close. But the other passengers came to my rescue. One of them jumped out of the train and waved at the conductor to tell him someone was still getting out. Two others pulled the bike off me. I thanked them and got off the train. Honestly, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. It was more embarassing than a clipstack at the start of a mass riding event.

Fuelled by my embarassment, I raced for the lifts. Once again, I had to turn the bike around to get it into the lifts. I found myself thinking if I'd solved one problem (carrying weight) and replaced it with another (lack of mobility). But I persevered and finally got into the lifts and headed down to the subway.

Once I was back on the bike, all was good, and I rode to work without event (I'm pleased that riding through the Glass Gauntlet did not result in a puncture. That would've really topped off a bad morning). Except for a nagging pain in my left knee. It turns out the frame or handlebars or something had whacked me really good on the knee. There's a lump there the size and shape of a golf ball. And it's hard, too. This morning, the bruising has settled down somewhat. Also, on my right calf, I have managed to remove five big chunks of skin. Funnily enough, the pattern is that of the chainring. There's grease trapped in the wound too. I tried to scrub it out, but it just won't budge. Knowing my luck, I'm going to end up with a permanent gumby mark on my leg. Perhaps I should just admit my gumbiness and get it tattooed there.

With all of that in mind, I was somewhat less than enthusiastic about riding home. I found myself researching train station accessibility. Did you know, only Roma St and Central Station have raised platforms for wheelchair access? The rest of them rely on the conductor getting out with a ramp and pushing people in. In fairness, QR have done a lot of work to help mobility-challenged people, but there's still a bit to be done. Oxley station is, fortunately, great. My alternative station (the one I use when I'm so tired, I just can't face the massive 9Km ride to Oxley) has NO facilities for people with disabilities. No ramps, no lifts, no disabled toilets. Nothing. So, Oxley's looking better by the minute!

Using Oxley station also means my return route takes me on the road where I was almost taken out a few months ago. I'm *still* scared of riding on that road. But I told myself to suck it up and stop being a princess, and off I went. One of the great things about having the panniers now is that I can actually see properly behind me. So imagine my joy when I could fully turn around to assess traffic behind me. It was one of those joyous moments that I cannot really describe. I actually grinned. GRINNED. I waited for the cars to pass, then turned right and off I went. The rest of the ride was very pleasant.

I decided to use the wheelchair section of the platform at Oxley and got myself into a carriage that had a bit more room. At Toowong, the conductor had to kick me out to make room for actual wheelchair users, so I moved down to another carriage and ended up having to stand the rest of the way. I managed to wedge the bike into a corner, but it was still a bit of a nuisance to other passengers. At Roma St, I decided against trying to turn the bike around and instead reversed it out the doors. I was soooooooooo happy to be off the train.

The ride home was great. The Apex 32-tooth cog made a mockery of the big hills. I struggled a little on Kedron Brook Rd hill, but made it up only puffing a little bit. Happy days!

I finally made it home at around 1830. I was very happy to finally be home and was greeted by an overjoyed pooch. Isn't it funny how even the crappiest of days can be made good by a happy dog?

I'm really happy with the new commuter bike. Well-fitting bike plus panniers = riding pleasure. I loooooooove being able to turn around and really see what's behind me. I love that I can carry a heavy weight and not suffer back pain and bruised shoulders from backpack straps. Once I figure out how to deal with the logistics of a heavy bike, my commuting life will be perfect! And if I just can't resolve the logistical problem, clearly I'll have to find a job where I don't need to mix-mode commute!

It's been a while since I've posted here.  There's actually been heaps going on in my life, but I'm suffering a lack of blog-writing motivation at the moment.

You'll recall that a month or so ago, I approached Epic Cycles about a new commuter bike.  See, The Beast is great for recreational riding, but not so good at carrying things.  Specifically, carrying, well, anything.  For the last twelve months or so, I've been riding my bike to work, carrying my laptop and other necessities in a backpack.  It's been doable, but not as pleasant as it could be.

Long story short, Epic recommended a bike, and I test rode it.  The fit was awful.  I was very disappointed, but Emma, the cute chick at Epic, asked me to give her the Cannondale's measurements, and she'd find something to match.  I sent her the measurements and basically heard nothing back.  A week passed, another passed, and I sent an email asking what was going on.  The owner, John, replied, and let me know Emma would be in touch the next day.  She didn't call.  A few days later, I called and she told me she hadn't forgotten about me, that she was waiting on calls back from suppliers etc.  I've heard this song before and I felt it was a stalling tactic.  Another week or so passed, and I sent a cranky email asking WTF was going on.  John got back to me and basically took over from that point.  He suggested I bring the 'Dale in so he could measure it and see if he could get the Specialized to fit me.

So I went in last Saturday with the Cannondale, and John spent several hours with me.  He got the Specialized to a ballpark fit, then sent me off for a test ride.  Wow, what a difference a proper fit makes.  I actually enjoyed riding it.  I took it back, he tweaked it, sent me off again.  We did this for most of the afternoon.  Tweak, ride, tweak, ride.  Poor MaxBabe had given me a lift there and was waiting in the car.  I had no idea we'd be so long and she was understandably cranky.  So I told John I'd run out of time, and asked if I could return the next day to continue.  He was OK with that, so the next day I returned (minus MaxBabe).

He spent literally the entire day with me.  I was there from opening until after close.  He put the bike on a trainer and measured, tweaked, adjusted.  He replaced the stem.  He raised the saddle.  He adjusted this, that and the other.  Every time he tweaked it, the bike felt better.  On the final test ride, the bike was so well-adjusted that it felt like a completely different bike.  I felt like I could ride super-aggressively.  It was nimble, it was quick, it was agile.  It was all of the things it had not been on the very first test ride.  I was sold.

Then we fitted the bike out with a rack and panniers.  I'd already decided I wanted a Topeak rack.  The Topeak racks have a slot in the middle that can take Topeak's bags that have a proprietary locking mechanism.  They can also take regular panniers etc, so it makes them a bit more versatile than other racks.  With that decided, the next question was which pannier to buy.  I was tossing up between the Ortlieb Back Roller Classic panniers, and a few other Ortlieb and Arkel models.  Each has its merits.  Ultimately, we figured the only way to decide was to take my regular carrying load and to try to fit it into a pannier.  John had been very enthusiastic about the Ortlieb Back Packer and Sport Packer models.  He liked that they have a fliptop lid and a drawstring.  For me, the super-important thing was that the pannier had to be absolutely waterproof.

I'd decided that I wanted to be able to put my regular backpack straight into the pannier.  The reason for this was that I wanted all my stuff to stay organised, and I didn't want to have to move things from one bag to another depending on whether I was riding or driving to work.  So the test was whether the backpack would fit into the Back Packer.  It didn't.  Then we tried the Back Roller Classic.  It went straight in.

So I decided on the Ortlieb Back Roller Classic panniers.  I didn't end up looking at the Arkels, despite having been very enthusiastic about them originally.  The Ortliebs are waterproof and can carry all my crap.  What more could a girl want?  Actually, there's a couple things I wish the Back Rollers did have.  One:  A loop to attach a blinky.  What is it with bicycle bag manufacturers who omit this obvious safety device?  Also, I do miss having a pocket here or there to organise things in the pannier.  I'd like somewhere to stash things I need to get to quickly - eg my railway pass, my wallet etc.  There is a very small pocket inside, but it's difficult to get to when the pannier is full.  That said, I'm 99% happy with the choice.  If it really turns into a huge problem, I might get an Arkel or a different Ortlieb and just mix and match.

John installed it all, I paid him, and off I went.  Despite the rocky start with Epic, I really cannot say enough good things about their service.  They've always looked after me, long before I bought the bike from them.  John was super-helpful last weekend, and really made sure I was happy with the bike and various bits and pieces.  Actually, the service was phenomenal.  If you're in Brisbane and ever have a need for a new bike or just bike parts or clothes or accessories or whatever.. go see Epic.

The following Tuesday, I had business in town and it was the perfect test of the new bike.  I met up with my sometime-commute-buddy, Steve, and we rode in together.  The panniers were fully loaded - backpack full of my regular stuff in one pannier, and toiletries, change of clothes, shoes and other miscellany in the other pannier.  It all fit perfectly without having to be inventive, and I loved not having to carry all of that crap jammed into a backpack on my back!

The Apex groupset is just grand.  The 32-tooth cog at the back really made a mockery of the hills on my commute.  Even with the extra load of the (somewhat) heavier bike, the rack and the fully loaded panniers.  It was actually easier than doing those same hills on my Cannondale, unloaded.  Awesome!

The next day, I rode back with all of that stuff, plus two huge printed binders.  It was a much tougher ride due to the weight of the binders, but even then, the hills didn't defeat me.  I'm just stoked with the way things have turned out.

So this is the part of the post where I put a bunch of pictures that will make bike enthusiasts drool, and regular people roll their eyes:

Behold the Apex 32-tooth goodness!!  Behold also the crud that is already on the chain!

Marvel at the Macgyver magnificence!  Behold the ingenuity of finding somewhere, anywhere, to mount a mini-pump!

One of the Ortliebs attached:

Rear view.  Gee, I hope there are enough lights on the back of the bike.  My greatest fear is getting rear-ended by a tired, inattentive driver.

So there you have it!  Max has a new bike!

... please come back some other.... actually, no, don't come back at all.

I've received a heap of comment spam lately.  Until it all dies down, I'm turning the comments feature off.

Peoples biking mishaps, told through the medium of MS Paint!

I was grocery shopping with MaxBabe today, when I heard a man behind me exclaim, "Hey!  Ziplock baggies!!!!".  He sounded absolutely delighted.  The woman beside him, presumably his other half, exclaimed in an equally happy tone, "And they're on special!!!!!!!!!!!"

Those two people managed to take a mundane event and extract a moment of happiness from it.

The world needs more of that.

I've been riding to work ever since November of last year.  When I say "ever since", I don't mean every day.  But during the warmer months, 2 or 3 times a week, and during winter much less (I'm a weenie ).  I want to increase this to 4 times a week during spring/summer and 2 or more times a week during the colder months.

You'll recall that some time ago I got myself a backpack for cycling and also got a high-vis waterproof cover for said backpack.  That's served me well, overall, but I've found that if I carry anything more than the absolute bare essentials, I wind up with unhappy shoulders and a sore back.  Also, the backpack obstructs my view of what's behind me.  My recent encounter with a dimwit truck driver (the one who tried to pass me on the right as I was turning right) just highlighted how much more aware I need to be of what's behind me.

Since last year, I've been toying with getting a dedicated commuter bike.  To this end, I sent the following email to Epic Cycles:

I have a Cannondale Synapse 4 Feminine Carbon bike which suits most of my needs.  I bought it when my only need was around recreational riding.  It fits me perfectly (51 cm).

Since then, I've started riding to work semi-regularly.  I currently ride to work 2-3 times a week (53Km round trip).  I carry a backpack because the Synapse cannot take panniers.  The backpack is heavy and limits my view of what's behind me.  With heavier loads, it leads to back and shoulder pain.  I'm looking for a bike for my commuting needs that is still quick, nimble, light etc but can deal with my new requirements.

Due to my good experiences with the Synapse, I have a brand preference for Cannondale.  The Quick range of bikes look interesting since they have carbon bikes in the range, but I can't tell if the carbon models have pannier mounts.  I asked Cannondale themselves and their answer wasn't especially clear.  Do you know?

I know I might be asking the impossible with this list of minimum requirements, but perhaps there's something out there that can meet my needs.  Do you have any suggestions?

• WSD (not particularly flexible on this requirement, I've been burnt by poorly-fitting bikes) - have had good experiences with Cannondale Synapse Feminine geometry
• Pannier mounts
• Lightweight (carbon would be nice, since I've been spoilt by the Synapse; otherwise light alloy)
• If flatbar - Shimano groupset, prefer 105 minimum
• If dropbar - SRAM double-tap (Rival/Force) shifters, everything else in groupset negotiable
• Prefer triple with large cogs at rear to deal with climbing with additional weight of heavier bike, pannier and load; will consider compact double if triple is not available
• Lightweight fenders/mudguards
• Pannier - needs to be able to carry 15" laptop, misc gear such as multi-tool kit, spare tube, levers etc as well as wet weather gear as a minimum, with occasional larger loads such as work clothes, lunch etc

It took them a little while to get back to me (which I fully expected, given they're a busy bike shop), but they gave me a very considered response, which boiled down to a recommendation for the Specialized Dolce Elite bike.  This is actually a bike I'd put high on the shortlist whilst doing my own research.  And, good news, they have a 51cm in stock!

So I went there yesterday for a test ride.  I fully expected I'd walk out of there with a new bike.  It didn't happen.

They put me on the bike and did an eyeball fit (nobody does a full fit for a test ride).   It felt a little small to me.  I felt like I was leaning too far forward, almost beyond the headstem.  But I figured, what the hell, of course it's going to feel different to the Cannondale, just give it a try and see how you go.  I'd barely got 100m down the road when I just knew it was all wrong for me.  I felt like I was riding a clown bike.  I felt completely scrunched up.  Pedalling was exhausting.  After five minutes on the bike, all I wanted was to just get off.

When I got back to the shop, I was so shagged from the effort, I needed to sit down.  I couldn't see straight.  I was almost ready to puke.  You know that feeling you get when you push yourself way too hard and you feel nauseated from it?  I was there.  Not a good place to be when the sales person is trying to extract from you exactly what was wrong with the bike!

Now, some bike shops would've a) tried to sell it to me anyway, or b) found something, anything, in stock to sell me.  Not Epic.  They told me to go home and measure up the Cannondale's fit and to send it all to them.  And they'll go find a bike that has those same measurements.  How awesome is that?

I'm hoping they can find something nice to suit my needs.  Spec-wise, the Dolce Elite really is a perfect match for my needs.  When I lifted it, it was super-light, something I hadn't expected from an alloy bike.  So it's definitely lightweight.  And the Apex groupset with 11-32 cassette is exactly what I need for climbing hills with a load on the back.  So, we'll see what Epic comes up with.  Hopefully Tuesday/Wednesday of next week, they'll have some suggestions. 

So CQ2010 has been and gone.  I really enjoyed this year's CQ, despite the dodgy weather and dodgy road surfaces.  I posted updates to Facebook via my iPhone, but didn't keep any written notes/diary like I did last year.  So, much of the following will be in bullet point form.

BQ had arranged to pick up my bike (packed, in a cardboard bike box) from my house and transport it Yeppoon a few days before the event itself.  I was confident I could loosen the headstem, turn the handlebars, remove the pedals and remove the seatpost from the frame, and pack it all up for transport.  I've removed pedals before and it's straight-forward.  The seatpost I figured would also be straight-forward.  I thought the only challenge would be dealing with the headset.  It turned out the pedals had been fitted by a goliath with Popeye-strength arms.  I couldn't undo the bloody things, try as I might!  I ended up having to take the bike to the LBS (the one around the corner that I swore I'd never deal with again after they screwed up installation of brake pads).  To their credit, they dealt with it straight away - dismantled it per my instructions, wrapped it all in bubble wrap, zip-tied everything together so it wouldn't move around in the box, and packed it all up.  And they only charged me $20 for it!  So, My Bike Shop, all is forgiven.  Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.  You did a great job!

Mum and I drove up to Bundaberg the Thursday before CQ.  We stayed at a motel in Bundy, then on Friday parked our car at the Bundy car storage place (set aside just for us CQ nuts).  From there, we took a bus from Bundy to Yeppoon.  I'd forgotten that I get motion sickness travelling in buses, so it wasn't the most pleasant of trips.  Also, I was stuck beside a stinky man who just wouldn't shut up.  Oh.  My.  God.  Why do complete strangers feel the need to babble on about bullshit?  I really wanted to tell him to STFU, but I was too busy trying not to puke.  It was only meant to be around 1 hour long, but because of road closures (due to roadworks/car crashes/bushfire smoke), we were turned back at the halfway mark and had to take another route.  It added hours to the trip.  Urgh.

Finally, we got to Yeppoon, where we picked up our boxed bikes.  We were meant to meet some of our CQ buddies for dinner, but I was in such a shit mood by the time we got to Yeppoon that I told mum to go without me.  I ended up assembling my bike in the semi-dark.  I got it to a point where it resembled a bicycle, then locked it to a post.  I figured I'd get mum or Epic Cycles to have a look at it the next day to make sure it wasn't going to self-destruct.

Day 1 - Yeppoon to Rockhampton, 69Km

The next day, mum tightened and adjusted all the bits that needed tightening and adjusting, then we packed up and rode to the start site.  Sooooo many cyclists.  The start site entertainment was great, and the atmosphere was buoyant.  We met up with our CQ buddies (who all gave me good-natured shit about not joining them for dinner the night before), and finally we headed off.  I'd never been to Yeppoon before, and was impressed by the seaside views and cruisy atmosphere.  Perhaps I will return for a holiday one day.  The ride itself was pretty cruisy, not too short, not too long, and not too challenging.  The road surface was very rough, however, and made the ride feel a lot longer.

Day 2 - Rockhampton to Mt Morgan, 56Km

It rained all day.  I was very happy I'd brought my Ground Effect rain gear (the Flash Gordon and Helter Skelters) and Sugoi bootees.  While everyone around me was saturated, I was warm and dry (apart from a little sweat/condensation).  It was the first time I'd used my rain gear in day-long rain.  I'm very pleased with the way it performed.  The thing I will remember most about this day, however, was the climb up to Mt Morgan.  The "Razorback" is an 18% climb.  I took one look at it and knew there was no way I'd make it.  I walked, along with pretty much everybody else.  I heard later that of the 1000+ cyclists on the ride, 25 made it up.

Day 3 - Mt Morgan to Biloela, 105Km 0Km

It rained all through the night.  I learned later that some campers were flooded and were evacuated to the local town hall at 0200.

At around 0400, the CQ organisers were advised by the local coppers that the roads were closed to cyclists.  They were over 1m under water!  So the ride to Biloela was called off. 

The organisers were left with the challenge of transporting 1000+ people, and their bikes, to Biloela.  This is no easy feat at the best of times, but an unplanned journey?  The organisers did a super-awesome job of arranging buses for us as well as trucks to transport our bikes.  The downside of this is that we had to throw all the bikes into trucks, and in the process, my bike's bar tape was destroyed, and a chunk of paint was taken off the left fork.  It's only cosmetic damage, but I'm annoyed about it.

20-odd buses were arranged at short notice to transport us all to Bilo.  Oh, no.  Another bus trip.  It ended up being only an hour or so, but felt like forever.  By the time we got there, my "tense everything so you don't puke" muscles were just about ready to give up.  The moment that bus stopped, I launched myself out of my seat and tore out of there as fast as I could.  I thankfully did not yack.

We spent all day waiting for the bikes to arrive.  Mine finally arrived at 2130.  I've never been so happy to see my bike!

Day 4 - Biloela to Monto, 95Km

All I really remember about this day is that there was shitloads of climbing.  But I did it all and I'm really happy about that.  I met one of the guys from the BNA forum.  He later described me as a climbing machine!  I'm not so sure about that, but I'll take the compliment anyway

Day 5 - Rest day, 0Km

I really didn't feel like I needed a rest.  It seemed undeserved and unwarranted, given we'd missed the 105Km ride from two days before.  Nevertheless, I took advantage of it.  My CQ buddies had arranged to participate in barefoot bowling at the local lawn bowls club.  I'd always thought of lawn bowls as kind of boring and was hoping this experience would change my opinion of it.  It did not.  I wish now that I'd gone for a ride somewhere instead, but hey, I gave it a shot and I can say that I tried something new.

By this time, the weather had finally cleared up, however overnight temperatures started to fall into "uncomfortably cold" territory.  My sleeping bag did a great job of keeping me toasty, however

Day 6 - Monto to Eidsvold, 65Km

By this time, all the days had melded into one.  I don't remember much about this day, except that I described it on my FB page as an "easy ride".

Day 7 - Eidsvold to Mt Perry, 80Km

Woke up to find it had been raining again.  I was undecided about wearing my rain gear.  I wondered if wearing rain gear would appease the rain gods, or if it would serve only to anger them.  I decided to go without rain gear.  It was the right decision to make, as the rain cleared up, although it was overcast most of the day.  A fair bit of climging today.  Not long after we arrived, the rain came back.  Very glad that we got Easy Campese tents and didn't have to set up in the rain!

Mt Perry is a small place, the proverbial one-horse town.  It has the obligatory pub, a corner store, a motel and not much else that I could see.  The camp site was directly across the road from the pub, so the cyclists naturally flocked to the watering hole.  I learned later that CQ riders drank the pub dry!

Day 8 - Mt Perry to Gin Gin, 52Km

The route wasn't open to cyclists until 1030, mostly because there is only one road out of Mt Perry to Gin Gin, and the organisers wanted to get all the trucks etc through before sending us on our way.  Happily, there was entertainment in the form of the Mt Perry annual dump truck pull contest.  I swear I'm not making this up.  They bring in an enormous mining truck, and groups of people team up and try to pull it 100 metres or so using a rope.

Unfortunately, I didn't get any photos of people actually pulling the truck.  But you get the gist, right?

I don't remember a great deal about the ride itself, except that dealing with the heat was a challenge.  I ended up taking a bottle of powerade with me as well as the 2 litres of water I normally carry.  This was a good move, and by the first rest stop, I'd drunk all three bottles.  A quick refill, and I was on my way.

I ended up meeting a woman called Janice (or maybe Jeanette, or Janine) on the way.  I recognised her as the woman I'd sat behind during the first leg of day 1.  She was good to ride with, calling out hazards etc.  I told her I really liked riding with her, and wished her a good ride.  She was riding a Trek 7.6FX, a nice bike I'd considered when shopping for a new bike last year.

This was the last night of CQ.  The entertainment on this night was actually really good.  Two guys, one of whom was like a one-man band, playing a flute, drums, cello, saxophone and god knows what else, while his mate played the guitar and sang.  They were great.  I ended up staying up really late chatting with Tracie, one of my CQ buddies.  Didn't get to bed until 2330!  But this meant that I actually slept until 0330 or so (every other night, I'd woken at around 0130 and tossed and turned until 0500), so I was pretty pleased about that.  Bloody cold night though, tracky dacks and jumper weather!

Day 9 - Gin Gin to Bundaberg, 56Km

I met a couple more BNA guys today, nice guys.  Actually, pretty much everybody on the ride was friendly.  That's one thing I really enjoy about CQ, the atmosphere is just so nice and relaxed and happy.

I found this day kind of tough due to headwinds.  In the last stretch into Bundaberg itself, I found myself on my own through most of the headwinds.  I pushed things a little hard and hurt my left knee.  Although my left foot was still attached to the pedal, I decided not to put any more stress on the knee.  The last 10Km or so was done one-legged, as I used only my right leg to turn the cranks.

I really wanted to cross the finish line with my mum, but I'd dropped her long before, and she was nowhere to be seen.  I ended up waiting for her at the finish line, and she was about 10 minutes behind.  Not too bad.  I cheered her through the finish line and we were DONE!!!

Overall, I felt much better on this CQ than last year's.  Last year's CQ was described as the flattest ever, whilst this year's contained a great deal of climbing.  In spite of the more difficult terrain, I found it much easier.  I think my fitness has improved, not to mention my leg strength.  Last year, mum waited at the top of every hill for me.  This year, our roles were reversed.  I waited for her when I could.  But more often than not, I dropped her at the first hill and didn't see her again until the next rest stop.

I was delighted to finally make it to the motel at Bundy.  Eating junk food out of the minibar while lying in a freshly-made queen size bed has never felt so good!  Not to mention having a looooooooooooooooooooong, hot shower.  Oh yeh. 

Anyway, so that's the CQ wrap-up.  Overall, I had a great holiday.  I'm really looking forward to next year's CQ - Goondiwindi to Brisbane!!!

I'll be leaving in a few short hours.  Nine days of cycling bliss, with not a care in the world.  Yeeha!  Until my return, enjoy this:

CQ 2010 is just around the corner, and I am nowhere near ready!!!

Oh, my legs can probably do the job.  I can probably struggle up these tough climbs:

I can probably cope with all of that (with perhaps some walking).

The bit that's doing my head in right now is packing.  I've got a list, I've checked it twice, and I'm still not convinced I'm not going to leave behind some essential piece of equipment or clothing.  Worse, this time round I need to dismantle my bike and pack it in a box for transport.  So now I'm freaking out about pulling it apart and putting it back together without breaking it, scratching it, leaving parts behind or forgetting to bring the right tools to put it back together.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're anything like me, you're still scratching your head trying to figure it out.  Do we have a government yet?  Have things been sorted out one way or the other?  Well, I found a web page that tells you all you need to know in answer to those two important questions:  http://doesaustraliahaveagovernmentyet.com/

From news.com.au:

A COUPLE'S pet cat was dumped in a garbage can by a respectable-looking, middle-aged woman, shocking footage shows.

The bespectacled, grey-haired woman, who appears to be in her 50s, was filmed about 8pm local time on Saturday walking along Stephanie and Darryl Mann’s street in Coventry, western England.

In the recording, the woman spots the Manns' four-year-old rescue cat Lola and strokes it tenderly before suddenly grabbing her by the scruff of the neck and calmly dumping her in a rubbish bin before closing the lid and walking away.

The couple found Lola some 15 hours later when they heard the cat meowing in the bin.

Lola has since recovered from the ordeal.

The couple's home security system captured the footage of the animal cruelty, and they posted it online in the hope that someone would recognize the woman.

Read more: http://www.news.com.au/world/british-woman-filmed-dumping-cat-in-rubbish-bin/story-e6frfkyi-1225909166296#ixzz0xTC7XvXT

I am, of course, referring to the Election.

This time round, I find myself in a quandary.  I've been a life-long Labor voter.  I always believed they could run this country to an acceptable level, whilst still considering me to be a human being with (mostly) equal rights.

I recall when Kevin Rudd was ousted from the top job, and Julia Gillard slotted in.  Oh, how Australia's feminists crowed about how wonderful it was to finally have a woman Prime Minister.  I kept my mouth shut, for the most part, because the truth is that I'd rather have a smart man in power than a dumb woman.  Also, I'd rather see a woman voted in on her own merits, than slotted in because some boy got kicked out.  Now, I don't know if Gillard really is dumb, but she's given me nothing, nothing, to make me think otherwise.  I haven't kept up with her career aside from recent developments, but I think I have a sufficiently large sample of her behaviour now to draw some conclusions.  This chick doesn't have a spine.  Her opiniona and attitudes change with whichever way the political winds happen to blow.  I know this is largely true of most other politicians, but most other politicians manage to hide it.  I'm now being OVERTLY hoodwinked by spineless politicking.

She strikes me as a slimy, used-car salesman.  She'll say whatever she thinks she needs to say to make the sale.  For me, the "Moving forward" campaign was the writing on the wall.  She took an already-overused corporate buzzphrase and foisted it on the people.  If I never hear that phrase again, it'll be too soon.  What irritates me most about it is that it is completely unimaginative.  The election campaign is when politicians are supposed to put their best foot forward.  They're supposed to give us their absolute best performance.  We're supposed to see them at their peak.  Gillard, of all the things you could've run with, this was the best you could come up with??????? What were the other slogan contenders?  "We're progressing... slowly"?  "At least we're not going backwards"?  "Labor.. we're better than.. umm.. the other guys."?  Her campaign slogan is the best of a bad lot!

But the nail in the coffin was when Gillard, the spineless bint, declared that Labor would never change the definition of marriage to include same-sex couples.  She actually said:

Gillard told the newspaper she appreciated Australia’s “heritage as a Christian country”, adding that “the Marriage Act has a special status in our culture” as a heterosexuals-only institution.

(http://www.starobserver.com.au/news/2010/08/20/gillard-you-will-never-marry-under-me/29731)

Fuck you, Gillard.  You're an unmarried woman, technically living in sin with some man, and you have the audacity to bang on about Christian values?  FUCK YOU.  FUCK YOU HARD.  You've lost my vote, you silly cow.

Never mind the fact that our only openly lesbian representative, Penny Wong, has herself toed the Party line on gay marriage.  She's against it!  WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.  If ever there was an example of party politics fucking over the people, it's this.

There's no way I'm voting the Libs/Nats/conservatives.

This time round, I'm voting for the Greens.  It might be true they don't know how to run a country, but hey, the first ever PM probably didn't know how to do that either.  But I'm pretty sure there's a few fast learners in that group of people.  They'll figure it out.  Meanwhile, they'll probably change the definition of marriage, and this country's government can finally pull its head out of the sand.

Meanwhile, here's some Gillard pics that were sent to me a while back.  Enjoy!

I've spent a bit of time lately listening to music that I'd all but forgotten about.  You see, iTunes is just fine for most things, but its "shuffle" function isn't too special.  There's absolutely no randomness to it.  Once it's decided that C follows B, and that B follows A, no amount of "shuffle" will change its mind.  As far as it's concerned, A-B-C is it.  I miss how Winamp would actually change the playlist if you told it to shuffle.

Anyway, iTunes will let you order music by title, genre, artist, and by number of times played.  So I've unshuffled, and told it to play the least played stuff in my library.  Some of the least-played stuff is so for a reason.  I mean, some of it, honestly, is crap.  Atomic Kitten's "Whole Again"?  URGH!  Yet it stays in my library.  Why?  I have no idea.  I console myself by telling myself that my musical tastes are ecclectic, and that I should be proud that I don't conform to norms.  I support this argument by digging out "Adagio For Strings" (AKA that song from Platoon), "Flower Duet" (yes, the British Airways ad), "Erin Shore", "O Fortuna", "Lose Yourself", "Trickle Trickle", "Someone To Watch Over Me" and "Africa Bamba", as if the presence of these not-so-poppy pieces excuses some of the dreck that manages to stay in my song collection.

And lo, in delving through the lesser-played songs, I find songs that I bought recently but which iTunes' shithouse shuffle has yet to find.  One of my current favourites is Vanessa Amorosi's "This Is Who I Am".  Love your work, Vanessa.

This Is Who I Am

I spend my life
Trying to do things right
But all I do is fall to my face, with my hands and my hips so many times
But then I learned
After being burnt
To get back up, push straight on, stop the tears, people move on-ooon

Refrain:
Well it's alright to be myself
Now I've learned to stand
Well it’s okay to be just who I am
I've spent years really hatin' me
Longing to be friends
Now I hope that you can understand
This is who I am

Now when life gets tough
I'm quick to hurry up
I run all day, I run through the night, I'll break down walls, I'll hit up high
I don't care if I'm fat,
Or if you think my clothes are bad
Yet I can go to sleep at night, I'm a good person and I'll get by-yyy

Refrain:
Well it's alright to be myself
Now I've learned to stand
Well it’s okay to be just who I am
I've spent years really hatin' me
Longing to be friends
Now I hope that you can understand
This is who I am

I need someone someone someone someone like me
You deserve deserve,deserve to have me
Cause our world keeps spinning
And you don't try to turn it

Refrain:
Well it's alright to be myself
Now I've learned to stand
Well it’s okay to be just who I am
I've spent years really hatin' me
Longing to be friends
Now I hope that you can understand
This is who I am

Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, yeaah yeah
This is who I am
Ooh, take a breather this is who I a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-am

I'm really getting into xkcd.com's humour.  Love it!  Here's one from the archives:

)" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

I suppose it helps if you're a FPS gamer who played all those adventure games the 80s spawned.  Zork, anyone? 

Edit:  With thanks to Jon, who pointed out that a typo in the link took people to a god-bothering christian "rock" radio station web site! 

Fatty's latest post really sums it up:

What I like most about his latest post is this bit:

"A Perfect Place to Ride: The ultimate expression of a cyclist’s needs is the perfect route. What that perfect route is depends on the rider (although it has been widely rumored to be Tibble Fork in American Fork Canyon, Utah). Paradoxically, you may have — in fact, almost certainly will have — ridden the perfect route many times before you discover that it is, in fact, perfect."

There are so many really nice rides just outside my doorstep.  Each has its merits, each has its challenges, each is fun.  And with the right frame of mind, every one of them is perfect.  I consider myself fortunate to so often find myself in the bright blue part of this pyramid.

Today, I bring you a YouTube that is actually worth the 1 minute and 39 seconds of your life it will take to view it.  "As seen on TV - A tribute to doing it wrong"

:lol:

Enjoy!

It's been a while since I've written a Max's Guide To Cycling For N00bs.  I've been a little unmotivated.  But all that has changed, because the seasons, they are-a changin'.  But frankly, not fast enough for me.  In short, IT'S COLD!  I'm cold!  Riding in the cold sucks!

With that in mind, it seems that I need to write a MGTCFN with a winter theme.  How do we survive the cold?  How do we get out there and ride when it's below whatever your "cold" threshold might happen to be?  The reality is that my definition of cold, and your definition of cold will always differ.  Even if we live in the same place!  Some people feel the cold more than others.

The first (and obvious) answer is to wear warm clothes.  But on a bicycle, clothing choices make a difference.  You want clothing that is lightweight, doesn't drag in the wind, allows your body to move comfortably, and doesn't impede your ability to control the bike itself.  You want clothing that can easily and quickly be removed when you do eventually warm up.  You want clothing that breathes, so that your perspiration doesn't catch in the clothing and make you cold.  In short, you want bicycle-specific clothing.  Don't fall into the trap of wearing heavy winter clothing, unless you want to look like this guy:

So let's start with the basics.  Some people don't feel the cold.  For those people, their winter wardrobe differs from their summer wardrobe purely in aesthetics.  They're happy to wear a short-sleeved jersey and nicks.  These people are freaks and should be culled from the herd at the earliest opportunity.  Do not mate with one of these people.  Do we really want a generation of freaks who can't feel the cold?  Oh wait, hang on.. hmm.

Anyway.  For the rest of us, we need to start covering up the exposed body parts.  The consensus within the cycling community is that a layered approach is best.  Several thin layers are better than a single thick layer.  This allows the rider to adjust their clothing in response to changing conditions.

Base Layers

"Base layer" is a fancy word for "undergarment".  It's something you wear underneath everything else in an effort to keep your core warm.  The choice to wear a base layer is obviously a personal one.  In warmer climates, a base layer in winter is not necessary.  In cooler/cold/arctic climates, it's a good idea.  A good base layer is thin, light, made of breathable material, and sits close to the skin.  Look for words like "thermal", "lightwave", "heatwave","merino", and "breathable".  I bought one of these from Ground Effect just recently, and it's made the world of difference.

Doesn't look like much, does it?  But that thin Merino undershirt keeps me warm without overheating.  I've never felt so comfortable on a cold morning's ride.

Base layers are also available for the lower body:

In cold conditions, base layers make the world of difference.

Arm and leg warmers

I'm going to assume that you already have a summer riding wardrobe, and that you're looking to augment it for winter riding.  So the following assumes you're wearing a summer jersey and nicks.

You'll want to cover the exposed parts of your body.  A good start is arm warmers:

Arm warmers come in many designs, and you don't have to stick to basic black if that's not your thing.  Perhaps you'd like to show off some tattoos, without the pain, effort and expense (not to mention permanence) of actually getting a tattoo?

Or you'd like to support your favourite charity?

Whatever your fashion predilections, there's plenty of arm warmer designs out there.  But really, the number one priority in arm warmer selection should be warmth.  There's no use looking pretty if you're sitting on the side of the road, unable to ride your bike because your arms have frozen off.

When shopping for arm warmers, look at the description of the material.  Lycra arm warmers are good for sun protection and a little basic wind protection, but that's about it.  They won't keep you warm in the depths of winter.  Look for warmers made out of "Roubaix" or "Super Roubaix".  These have a somewhat fleecy inner that is quite thin yet still keeps you warm.  Anything with "thermal" in the description will also keep you toasty.  Arm warmers should fit snugly without being overly tight.  Look for warmers that have decent grippers.  These will prevent the warmers from slipping down and exposing your upper arms to the cold.  If you ride in low-light conditions, make a point of selecting arm warmers that have reflective piping on them.  I personally like to wear my arm warmers so that they go over the sleeve of a short-sleeve jersey.  This ensures a good seal between the two and prevents wind from going up the jersey sleeve.

I can already hear people asking the inevitable question:  Why arm warmers?  Why not just wear a long-sleeved jersey?  For most of us, the act of riding will, in fact, raise our body temperature.  We'll start feeling warm.. dare I say it, even hot.  Arm warmers can be rolled down, or removed entirely.  They give you flexibility.  Too warm?  Roll them down.  Still too warm?  Take them off altogether, and stash them in a jersey pocket or your backpack or panniers.

What's that?  Even with arm warmers, you're still too cold?  Fine, let's talk about long-sleeved jerseys and jackets.

Long-sleeved jerseys

Long-sleeved jerseys come in the same lightweight material as short-sleeved summer jerseys.  They also come in thermal varieties.  Your choice will depend on just how cold you are.  Long-sleeved jerseys made of summer material won't give you much more protection than, well, a summer jersey.  The cuffs are generally not tapered or elasticised, so you will get wind up the sleeves.  And, when you do finally warm up, you won't get much joy from rolling the sleeves up, because they'll fall down, or bunch up uncomfortably.  That said, a long-sleeved jersey might be the perfect fit for you if you ride in a cool (not cold) climate that doesn't warm up during the day.

Long-sleeved winter  jerseys are made of material that's actually designed to keep you warm.  Look for words like "Roubaix", "Micro-fleece", "Wind foil", "Merino" and "thermal".

Note the elasticised cuffs, the tall collar (to keep your neck warm), the long zipper, and the fleecy material.  Look for jerseys that are longer at the back than at the front.  This will prevent the jersey from riding up and exposing your lower back (not to mention plumber butt) to the cold.  Some winter jerseys have thumb loops at the bottom of the sleeves.  This helps keep the sleeve down around your wrist.

A short-sleeve jersey plus arm warmers will give a good middle ground between a long-sleeve summer jersey, and a long-sleeve winter jersey.

For some of us, the winter cold is made worse by windchill.  Either the wind is blowing all on its own (thanks, Mother Nature!!!) or you're riding at a quick enough clip to generate windchill.  I know there are times I've been on a ride where the biggest challenge has been dealing with cold wind.  It can feel like it's cutting right through you.  Jerseys and undershirts do come in windproof varieties, and if you live in a windy area, it's definitely worth the investment.  But sometimes that wind is actually welcome - like when you've worked up a sweat and you need to cool down.  So where's the middle ground?

Jackets and vests

There is a whole plethora of jackets and vests out there.  Some are designed for light rainfall/spitting.  Some are designed to protect against wind by adding a windproof layer at the front.  Some are designed to survive torrential rainfall.  You need to find something that is fit for your purpose.  There is no point buying a rain jacket if your challenge is just a bit of wind.  Similarly, a spray jacket won't be any good to you if you're dealing with a monsoon.  Because we're using a layered approach, let's limit this discussion to vests and light spray jackets.

Vests are great because they cover your chest, they're light, and they're great windbreaks.  Given the choice, I'll wear a vest instead of a jacket any day.  Vests typically offer protection from the wind at the front of the garment, whilst having a mesh or lighter weight material at the back.  This allows heat to dissipate.  Look for a vest that has a full zip, an elasticised waist and a tall collar, as well as a zipped pocket or storage area.  Many vests also offer some protection from rain, but bear in mind that a mesh-backed vest will be of limited use in this regard.  Cheaper vests will be heavy and bulky, and won't be especially breathable.  More expensive vests will be made of very lightweight material that allows heat to dissipate.  Lightweight vests can also be removed and folded up for stowage inside a jersey pocket.

Vests come in many colours and styles.  I have a personal preference for hi-viz vests, because the vast majority of my "cold" riding also happens to be "dark" riding.

Jackets

If you're doing it tough even with the base layer, summer jersey, arm warmers and vest, it might be time to move to a jacket.  As I mentioned before, some jackets are designed to cope with heavy rainfall.

These jackets are designed to keep water out, whilst also letting your perspiration escape.  Look for something with a hood (removable is nice), elasticised cuffs, storm flap over the zipper, thumb loops and a long back.  Some jackets also have vents under the armpits to allow windflow in to cool you.  This is a good thing, because unless you live in the arctic, you are going to get hot in one of these.  Airflow is good!

Some jackets are designed to act as windbreakers, with a little water resistance.  These are good for cold, dry climates.  They are generally made of lighter material than rain jackets, and often convert into vests by having removable sleeves:

Again, the cheaper the jacket, the less ventilation you'll get.  Pooling of perspiration within a cheap jacket is very unpleasant and can make you much colder than if you hadn't worn the jacket at all.

Phew.

Are you still with me?  It's been a loooooong read, but I hope you're still there.  Let's move on to the lower body.

Leg warmers

Much of the advice about arm warmers also applies to leg warmers.  Good leg warmers will have zippers at the bottom of the leg to allow for easy removal.  They'll have decent grippers at the top to prevent them from falling.  And they'll have reflective piping.  Wear leg warmers under the leg of your nicks.  When shopping for leg warmers, look for the words "Roubaix", "Windstop", "thermal" and the like.

If summer nicks are too cold to protect your upper legs and groin, consider wearing a base layer underneath, or possibly a second pair of nicks.  If you find that you never remove your leg warmers on cold rides, you might consider simply getting long nicks.

Again, look for something made of Roubaix material, thermal material and something that's windproof.  Make sure they have long zips at the back to make it easy to put them on and take them off.  And don't forget the reflective piping.

Head/face protection

If you're like me, you're a weenie who hates the cold.  Even fully layered up, I'll get cold if I'm not wearing something to protect my head, face and ears from the wind.  For those of you living in very cold environments, a balaclava could be the solution:

Bear in mind that a thick balaclava will also prevent heat from escaping through your helmet's vents.  This can be a double-edged sword.  If you live in the arctic, it'll be welcome.  But if you don't, you'll find yourself overheating despite the cold conditions.

I'm a big fan of neck rolls, or Buffs:

Yes, it's just a giant tube of fabric, but it's very versatile.  You can wear it as a neck roll, a face mask, a balaclava.. whatever.  I like it because it can be worn as a "topless" balaclava, allowing my head to breathe:

Hands and feet

Finally, let us not forget the extremities.

Long-fingered gloves are an obvious choice when dealing with the cold.  For cool climates, it is sufficient to have a thin glove with full fingers (as opposed to cut-off mitts).  Eliminating the windchill is all these gloves need to do:

You might sometimes see these described as "summer" gloves.  The term "summer" should be interpreted to mean "thin".  I find that a summer glove is good down to about 12 degrees C.  Below that, and I move to a heavier glove, something with wind-resistant material, and maybe some fleece lining.  If you're lucky, they'll offer rain protection as well:

When shopping for winter gloves, fit is important.  You need to be able to operate your bike's gears and brakes without the glove interfering with your movement.  That means your fingers need to reach the end of the glove's fingers.  Look for a glove that has a reinforced palm and grippy material on the thumb and first two fingers.  This will allow you to use the bike's gears and brakes without impediment.  Also look for an elasticised cuff that covers your wrist.  This will act as a seal to prevent the cold from getting in.

Some people wear an additional liner glove.  This works really well in cold climates.  I've also seen people wear latex gloves (the sort a doctor or CSI tech might use) to offer additional protection in rainy conditions.

Finally, let's talk about protecting your feet.  If your shoes have any sort of ventilation, you'll find that this lets cold air in.  Riding with cold feet can be very uncomfortable, and can turn an otherwise pleasant ride into an endurance event.

The first step is to find some decent socks.  I like thin cotton athletic socks, as these allow my feet to breathe.  Some people prefer thermal socks, or thick woolen socks.  There are cycle-specific socks out there, but my personal opinion is that there is not much difference between these and regular socks.  Except, perhaps, the price tag.  Wear whatever works for you.

On cold, windy or rainy days, I wear bootees, or overshoes.  These shoe covers slip over the shoe, and have a zip at the back:

I actually own a set of the ones shown above.  The outer is a water-resistant synthetic, and the inner is thinly lined with a fleece material.  I've worn these in torrential rain, and they were good for about three hours before they finally gave up and let water in.  When shopping for shoe covers, look for a long zipper at the back, velcro under the sole, heat-sealed seams, and reflective material on the back and sides.  Bootees come in all sorts of materials.  Some are lycra (mostly decorative, little protection), some are like the Sugoi bootee above, some are made of neoprene for hard-core rain and/or cold.

If it's just your toes that are cold, perhaps toe covers are a better option:

If the weather is just too cold for either of these, consider a winter-specific shoe:

So now you're decked out from head to toe, the only thing left to do is go out and ride!  You just better hope your bike doesn't look like this when you head off:

Some time ago, I wrote a post called Big Brother is watching, in which I commented on an article that described how the Dalai Lama's email server was hacked.  It pointed the finger at the Chinese government, and I made some sarcastic comment about how Big Brother is Chinese.  Well, I might've been on to something, because lo and behold, in my inbox today, I found this:

Comment: http://www.maxxxie.net/blog1.php/2009/03/29/big-brother-is-watching#c194

Blog: Max's Musing

Post: Big brother is watching...

Author: Sourcing from China (IP: 124.14.200.69, 124.14.200.69)

Email: thesourcing@gmail.com

Url:

Hi, interesting post. I have been thinking about this topic,so thanks for posting. I’ll probably be coming back to your blog for more interflow with you this Topic.<br />

The author is from CHINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And he's reading my blog!!!!!111!1!1!!!  AND he's been thinking about this topic!!!111!1!!!!  And he wants more "interflow" with me on this topic!!!111!1!!!1eleven!11!!

What I'm taking from this is:

1. Big Brother really is watching (he probably Googled himself to find my blog in the first place).  Calling himself "Sourcing from China" is his attempt at anonymity.  I mean, if your name was actually Big Brother (or Jesus Christ, or Elvis Presley), you wouldn't sign your real name, would you?  But BB (I can call him that, cos we're friends now), it's OK.  I know who you are.  Your secret is safe with me.
2. BB really is Chinese (his IP address confirms it).  I feel somewhat vindicated.  I mean, declaring that Big Brother was in fact the Chinese government was a pretty big call, especially since I based my conclusions entirely on that news article.  Others may have ridiculed me for making such a big call, but who's laughing now, huh????
3. He likes my blog so much, he's secretly honoured.  To be fair, I was probably the only decent hit in the Google search.  Let's face it, if my name was Big Brother and I Googled myself, I'd be grateful to find anything that doesn't make reference to the book or that TV show.  His parents might've just as well called him John Smith for all the useful search results he'd get.  Actually, he'd've been better off as John Smith.  A Google of "big brother" returns 82.5 million hits.  A Google of "john smith" returns 79.3 million hits.  I reckon BB is cursing his parents right now.  He could, of course, change his name to Esmeralda Shucker, which returns a mere 496 hits.  And lemme tell you, those are some quality hits.  He'd have no trouble separating the vanity hits from the chaff.
4. He finds me attractive.  Never in my entire online life (really, it might as well be my entire actual life) has anyone suggested they might like to have interflow with me.  I'll admit, I'm a little scared and a little nervous.  I've never done interflow before, but it sounds interesting.  And hey, if the Chinese are doing it, it can't be too bad, right?  I mean, these are the same people who invented spring rolls!  And sweet and sour pork!  And gunpowder!  And Chinese water torture!  Oh.. hang on.. perhaps interflow with a stranger is not such a good idea.  Especially one who Googles themselves.

I saw this pic on the net somewhere and loved it.  It appealed to my nerdy word game sense of humour.  Puntastic!

This picture is pertinent as I have been tent-shopping.  Specifically, I've been shopping for a tent to take to CQ.  Long-time admirers will recall that I participated in Cycle Queensland last year, and had a terrific time!

This year, we're doing it all again, except for one notable difference.  We did not secure an Easy Campese [PDF] tent.  So we are fending for ourselves this year.  Mum usually declines to participate altogether if she can't get an Easy Campese tent.  But I convinced her it'd be fine, and as a sweetener, I told her I'd do all the tent setup and tear-down.  I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  Time will tell.  Mum basically wanted an Easy Campese tent, but those things are huge, heavy, bulky and I talked sense into her.

Anyway, all of this is to tell you, dear loyal readers, that I have been tent-shopping.  Tent technology has changed a great deal since my Cadet days.  Back then, I used to throw up a hootch, scoot under it, and sleep in the world's warmest sleeping bag.  Water was never a problem, since the hootch was watertight as a fish's arse.  The alternative was to carry a tent, and back then, tents were either a) wonderfully warm, waterproof and exceptionally heavy or b) waterlogged, cold misery, but easy to carry.

I'm not sure if this has changed much, but what I can tell you is that they are now much easier to erect than they were back in the day.  Long story short, we settled upon a Coleman Lakeside 3:

One for each of us.  Yes, you heard that right.  We are each having a 3-person tent to ourselves.  This will give us much more room inside, as well as privacy and basically a place to escape from it all.  You'll note the tent has a vestibule-like area in the front.  Funnily enough, it is a vestibule.  The plan is to stash the bike in here overnight, rather than leave it exposed to the elements (and thieves).  It's also a place to leave grotty shoes and the like so dirt doesn't get traipsed into the sleeping area.

So that is one less thing to think about for CQ.  I plan to take one of the tents out of the box on the weekend and try it out in the back yard.  If I can survive a horrid winter's night in it, without wussing out and running back inside to sit in front of the heater, it'll be fine for CQ.

A buddy of mine sent me the following question on FaceBook. I wrote him a long answer and decided I might as well put it on my blog, so here it all is:

How does your country view same sex marriage? I know you refer to your love as your wife...is that a legal thing like the country recognizes your union or is it more of a personal thig? Here in the US it is not recognized (lame) so couples must just take part in a "Promise" type ceremony that does not carry any real weight as far as benefits and taxes and such. I mean for christ sake its 2010! I think we are getting close though there has a been a really serious push as of late to legalize and recognize the marriage and to allow the spouse on to insurance and such.

My answer was pretty long, so settle down for a long one:

The short answer is that Australian government is in denial about its GBLT population.  It refuses to recognise gay relationships as "real" or "serious" or any other term that implies legitimacy.  Get yourself a cuppa mate, because this is going to be a long reply!

There's been somewhat of a coup in the government's leadership this week; the Prime Minister was ousted in favour of the deputy PM, who happens to be a woman.  This is the first time we've had a woman PM, and although women's libbers everywhere are screaming victory, I see it as a hollow one.  Our country still can't get its head around putting a woman in charge by electing her (rather than having her win by default when the elected leader gets kicked out).  We (collectively) are still being held back by antiquated ideals.  Finland just recently included gay relationships in the definition of marriage.  The very first person to take advantage of it was the country's Prime Minister!  Imagine that!  A PM (a woman who was presumably elected to the role unlike our current PM) being the first lesbian in her country to be legally married!  Talk about leading by example.  Australia needs to get its head out of the sand.

The nation's capital, Canberra, is located in a small section of land known as the Australian Capital Territory.  The ACT's only purpose in life is to house the government's buildings and a whole bunch of federal departments.  It is some irony, then, that the ACT is the only state/territory in the country to formally recognise same-sex unions.  Even then, it can't bring itself to call it "marriage".

I think that the concept of marriage as an institution whose sole purpose is to create and raise children is long outdated.  This country, as a whole, needs to recognise the growing shift (even within the heterosexual community) away from settling down in your 20s, having 2.5 kids, buying a house etc etc.  These are concepts that even straight people are starting to reject.  More and more straight couples are quite happy being together without the formality of a marriage.  However, they still have implied rights that gay couples do not.

Why then, is the gay community pushing for a change in the definition of marriage?  There are many answers to this question, so I will only give you my personal ones:

1.  Legitimacy.  My relationship with MaxBabe is no less real than the relationship between the husband and wife living next door to us.

2.  Recognition.  We (the world) need to stop being in denial about this.  Gay relationships are a fact of life.

3.  Formal/legal recognition.  This bit is important.  Once a straight couple are married, each member of that marriage has rights.  If a husband becomes sick, his wife is entitled to be at his side in the hospital.  She can make decisions for him if becomes unable to make them eg a comatose situation.  There's a famous case in the US where a lesbian was comatose after a car accident, and despite (previously) making clear to her partner that she did not want to be kept alive through artificial means, her partner had no right to demand that.  The comatose woman's parents had absolute rights, the partner had none, and she was kept alive for over a year.  A complete vegetable who, because of her sexuality, was robbed of her dignity in her final moments.  I've had personal experience with a hospital that couldn't cope with the concept that I'm MaxBabe's partner.  Being denied access to your sick partner by some narrow-minded bureaucrat is a terrifically stressful and disempowering experience.

4.  In the same vein; when one of us eventually dies, the other does not automatically have rights over inheritance, property etc.  Even wills can be challenged by homophobic family members.

5.  Kids.  The fact is every lesbian and her dog seems to be breeding today.  What happens if Mum dies, and the partner and 2.5 kids are left behind?  I'll tell you what happens!  Mum's family steps in and tries to separate the 2.5 kids from Other Mum because she's not a blood relative!  This sort of thing would not be tolerated if it were a heterosexual step-parent relationship, particularly if the step-parent was in that role from day one of the kids' lives.

6.  Entitlements such as pensions, taxes etc.. all the legal and financial stuff that straight couples take for granted.  Sometimes the lack of recognition actually works in our favour.  Years ago, when I was out of work and taking dole money from the government, my partner was in the same boat.  If we'd been legally recognised, the government would've given us (total) approx 2/3 of the money we actually received.  Why?  Because couples get less than 2 x singles.  Since the government saw us as 2 x singles, we got 2 x dole instead of 1.7 x dole.  Great, huh!  But more often than not, the lack of recognition works against us.

Mate, I could go on forever and still not fully articulate why I think the concept of marriage needs to include gay couples.

As to why I call her my wife, it's pretty simple.  The term "wife" implies long-term commitment.  Girlfriend is wishy-washy.  Lover suggests a purely sexual relationship.  Partner is OK, but I still prefer wife.  It removes all ambiguity about who she is to me, or how serious our relationship is.  And my greatest hope is that by using the term as frequently as possible, people will start to regard it as normal usage, not something odd or anti-establishment

Much has happened in the last month, including a great deal of work and travel for me.  I might write about those things sometime in the future.

What's really on my mind at the moment is the very sad and untimely passing of MaxBabe's brother, Mark.  He died on the 11th of June, aged 49.  Coincidentally, the 11th of June also happens to be our anniversary (this one was our seventh, yay us).  I've already decided that MaxBabe and I need to break up and get back together so that our anniversary can fall on a different date.

Anyway.. Mark.  He'd been ill for some time; Diabetes, some sort of chronic arthritis-related condition, and a few other things.  It wasn't a surprise that he would die young, but still.. nobody expects to get that phone call.  Nobody thinks to themselves when they wake up in the morning, "Hey, today's the day I lose my brother".  Even though it's expected, it's still a surprise, a shock.

MaxBabe is the youngest of nine kids.  Her parents are in their late seventies/early eighties.  Her siblings have kids of their own, and some have grandchildren.  As a result, their family is huge.  So many people have been touched and affected by Mark's death.  Over two hundred and thirty people attended the funeral service.  We know that 230 people signed the guest book, and we also know that there were people there who didn't sign it.  So the actual number of attendees is unknown, but still.. 230+.  Wow.

I only met Mark once, but he struck me as a nice guy.  It was clear he loved MaxBabe and vice versa.  Though they didn't speak much, or see each other often, they cared.  MaxBabe is, of course, now regretting how little they saw each other.  She remarked to me last night that it hasn't really sunk in that she'll never see him again.

The family is coping remarkably well.  There are so many of them, and they are so warm and affectionate to each other, there's a terrific support system in place.  I wonder, however, how each individual will cope once they've returned home to their normal lives.  MaxBabe's been a bit teary.  I know one of her sisters is in the same boat.  I guess each of them will come to a point of acceptance at their own pace.

For my own part, I've been somewhat teary too.  Although I didn't know Mark especially well, I'm sad about his death, and about the impact it has had on his family (by definition, my family).  It's also caused me to be somewhat introspective, to think about my own mortality and about the mortality of those I care about.  What if MaxBabe died tomorrow?  My parents?  Grandparents, cousins, aunt, uncle?  What about the rest of MaxBabe's siblings (seven left, and assuming they die somewhat in order of birth, MaxBabe will have to suffer another seven similar tragedies)?

It's all terrifically sad. 

There is much more to be said about this, but that's all I want to say right now.

You'll recall that I recently posted about how my site is now 95% operational, but that visitors to http://www.maxxxie.net/ were being redirected to a page that didn't exist.  It turns out that "visitors", plural, wasn't quite right.  It was "visitor", singular, ie ME, that was getting the redirect.  Not realising this, I logged a ticket with the new provider and asked them if they had any ideas.  I thought it was some wierd-arse htaccess or httpd.conf thing that needed to be touched.

Imagine my surprise when they wrote back and said they had absolutely no problems accessing the site!  Imagine my shame at not using my troubleshooting skills, when I opened IE and discovered it connected to the page just fine, thanks very much!

What I should've done:  tried it in IE.  Tried it on a VM.  Asked someone else what happened when they tried it.

Lesson learned.

Having determined the browser was the problem, I was left with the prospect of having to delete the entire cache/history to resolve it.  I didn't want to do that, and with a bit of googling, stumbled across this thread: http://x10hosting.com/forums/free-hosting/111095-how-stop-old-redirection-firefox.html.

The CacheViewer FF addon allowed me to selectively delete the cached files for http://www.maxxxie.net and hey, presto!  Now it works just fine, and I'm a happy camper.

Many thanks to the support dude at HostMonster who pointed out to me that everything worked just fine for him.  Without this piece of knowledge I would never have fixed this problem. 

Now, as you can imagine, there is much to post about since I have not been able to update my blog in about a month.  However, there is so much to post about, that I don't have time to do it right now.  Stay tuned.  Or, if you enjoy jokes, How do you keep an idiot in suspense?  I'll tell you later. 

So.. those of you who keep up with this blog will have noticed a) a lack of new items in RSS feeds; b) no cross-posted LJ posts; and c) you couldn't access the web site directly.

That's because some script kiddy caned the server this site was hosted on and we took it down because we didn't have time to deal with remediation and reinstating the service.  I've moved the site to another server for now, and it is mostly functional.  There's some hiccup with some HTTP redirection going on, so visitors to http://www.maxxxie.net/ will see some error messages.  You'll need to visit http://www.maxxxie.net/index.php to get to the functional blog.  I'll fix that up later.

Also, because my last file backup was a few months old, new photos I uploaded aren't present, so there's a few broken IMG links here and there.  Deal with it.  I'll upload the relevant files later.  For now, the blog is 95% functional, and hopefully the script kiddies have moved on.

It's been a while since I've posted a blog entry.  To be honest, there's not been much to write about.  So here is my life in bullet points, in no particular order:

• The snakes have been out and about on the bike paths lately.  The most recent incident involved a snake that was standing up in the middle of the path.  Kind of like a twig that's bent into a right angle.  Except, not a twig.  The cyclist in front of me tried to avoid it, but ran over its tail.  It short forward (towards me), then whipped around and went off the path and climbed up a tree.  Bloody snakes, it scared the crap outta me.  It looked kinda like this, except smaller and without a wall:

• Work's been insanely busy and tiring.  There are a couple people at work who are giving me the shits, bigtime, and I feel the only solution is for them to leave or for me to leave.  I'm doing my best to make sure either a) they leave or b) they lift their game.  I'm tired of carrying other people in my team.

• I've been doing a lot of work with virtual machines lately in an effort to get myself up to speed with Win2k8.  My PC wasn't up to the task, so I got myself a new box.  An Intel i7 with 8GB of RAM and a souped-up video card.  It's coping quite well with the rigors of multiple concurrent VMs.  Did I mention it presents eight cores to the OS?

• 8GB of RAM means an x64 OS, so I've got Win7 x64 Pro on the new box.  So far I haven't found any problems with drivers or software that doesn't like x64.  My challenges have actually been more around Win7's user access control BS that, even though I'm logged in as an administrator, questions or even prevents me from doing administrative things.  Sometimes, installers look like they've successfully installed a program, only to find that when you run it, half the damn files are missing.  That has been a source of great frustration.

• I haven't been riding as much as I'd like.  It's very cold in the mornings and it saps my motivation.  This means I haven't ridden to work in over a month.  I'm a pussy and should just suck it up and ride.  To that end, I have packed my clothes and other bits and pieces to take to work today, in preparation for riding to work tomorrow.  It could be much worse.  At least my bike's not like this:

• I've done a few rides with BikerChick, and they've been fun.  She's good to ride with - we're at about the same level of proficiency, she doesn't want to blab on and on while we're riding, but she's not silent either, she doesn't drop me like a rock, and on those occasions that we do get separated, she stops and waits for me (or vice versa).  It's good.

• Facebookland - there was a reunion organised for former members of the QAIRTC/2WG AAFC.  I was very enthusiastic about this until I realised that none of my Cadet buddies would be there, so it'd be a bunch of strangers in a loud pub talking about people and events I wasn't a part of.  So after a great deal of anticipation, I ended up not going.

• I've been watching a great deal of Star Trek.  I'm catching up on Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Some of the episodes are really cheesy, but they're mostly fun.  The good part is that I can skip the episodes I don't want to watch (yay, DVD).

There's really not much else to report.  Best I get myself organised for work.

Hotel guests pedal for their power.  The gist of it is that guests are encouraged to pedal a stationary bicycle, which in turn tops up the hotel's power banks.  As an incentive, the hotel offers free food to guests who generate 100 watt hours of power.

It ticks the boxes, really:

1. Cheaper operating costs for the hotel
2. Green mentality
3. Encourages hotel guests to exercise (let's face it, business travel is the worst for weight gain)
4. Gives guests a bit of a freebie

I think it's a great idea! 

Before I decided it was time to lose weight, I never really knew just how hideous I was at 95Kg.  Today, a friend sent me a photo she took of me at a work xmas get-together:

Sweet merciful crap.  I never knew, I honestly never knew.

So now, whenever I start feeling disheartened at not (yet) losing that last 4Kg, I must remind myself of where I started.  And I must also remind myself that I'm looking pretty fine these days:

An old school friend of mine recently got in touch with me, and suggested I get onto Facebook.  You know, because everyone's on it these days.  I'd so far resisted the draw of Facebook, purely from a "if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off it too?" standpoint.  But I have finally caved in.  So now, I can say this with authority:  Facebook is an abyss.  You can fall into it and keep falling indefinitely, and still not have found everything or everyone there is to find.

I've also installed the iPhone facebook app, and now have a much better appreciation of why some people seem to be on FB 24/7.  Disconnect, people!!!!

It's been interesting looking at all these people from the past.  The best part is that I have found some of my old Cadet buddies, and hope to reconnect with them.  The worst part was finding out that my old Flight's 50th anniversary was last bloody year and I didn't know about it.  This, despite the fact that I stalk their bloody web site on a regular basis!  So now I must either wait another 24 or 49 years to celebrate another milestone anniversary.  I doubt I'll be alive (or alive enough to enjoy it) in 49 years, so the best I can do is show up there in 24 years and hope the kids don't look at me like some antiquated, old, irrelevant dinosaur.

I've been off the bike for a week now.  For some reason, I find myself not wanting to ride, or, in fact, do anything.  I've been sitting in front of the computer playing The Sims 3, emailing, Facebooking, anything but riding.  My legs are starting to protest the inactivity and I'm thinking of going for a ride today just to make my legs stop complaining.  It's kind of foggy/rainy out this morning, but at least it's not beating down scorching sun.  Alright, best I go before I lose motivation.

Now, I am, of course, assuming that this blog has a huge readership, and that it is visited by vast numbers of Queenslanders.  Even though that might - might - not be the case, if you are indeed one of the vast number of Queenslanders who reads it.. please sign this petition.

Here's the gist of it:  Too many cyclists have been injured or near-injured as a result of motorists passing us too closely.  We are asking that the Traffic Act be amended such that it is mandatory to provide at least 1 metre clearance when passing a cyclist.

TO: The Honourable the Speaker and Members of the Legislative Assembly of Queensland

The petition of citizens of Queensland draws to the attention of the House deficiencies in the current overtaking laws in that motorists may come dangerously close to a cyclist while overtaking and at considerable speed, posing an undeniable risk and yet breach no law.

Your petitioners therefore request the House to enact legislation to modify existing regulations requiring that a motorist maintain a minimum safe distance of one metre between their vehicle and a cyclist whilst overtaking. Such a measure will strengthen current laws with respect to cyclists. This proposal, by providing clear boundaries, will better serve the interests of motorists and cyclists alike.

Furthermore, this proposal would also reflect the fact that it is not necessary for a motorist to collide with a cyclist in order to endanger either life or health; an anomaly that must be addressed if the government is to reduce congestion and promote cycling as a viable alternative means of transportation.

I acknowledge the importance sustainable green initiatives, and due to ever increasing environmental awareness, more Queenslanders are now seeing cycling as a positive way of reducing their carbon footprint and minimizing congestion. We question how long such enthusiasm will last while the current ambiguous legislation remains unchanged. A minimum distance of one metre has the potential to maintain this momentum, as well as contributing towards the Governments Q2 initiatives, helping more Queenslanders to "get their 30 each day".

If you are a resident of Queensland, SIGN THIS PETITION! Though you might not be a cyclist, there's every chance you know someone who is.  If you are not a resident of Queensland, please forward this to all your Queensland-based friends, family etc.

Who in the hell would choose to do a ride called Mountains of Misery????? 

Since the start of the year, I've been riding to work two or three times a week.  It's a 53Km round trip, mostly flat, mostly on bike paths, and reasonably safe.  The ride home is always a little tiring because there's a long(ish) hill 3/4 of the way home.  I always find it tough, but I always make it without having to get off and walk.

I hadn't realised that riding with a weight (backpack with laptop) and regularly climbing a hill actually improved my riding significantly.  I guess it's one of those things you don't notice until you're a) not riding with a weight and b) not riding up a hill.

In most states, March is Bike Week, and Bicycle Queensland did a pretty good job of it this year.  I participated in the Great Brisbane Bike Ride, something I've done for the last three years.

To summarise my last two efforts - the first year was done on my old mountain bike.  I collapsed somewhere like 10Km into it and sat on the side of the road gasping while my mother and BestMate rolled their eyes and told me to harden up.  I eventually got back on the bike, but I struggled the whole way.  The worst part was a hill in Dutton Park that was so steep it caused my legs to instantly cramp and I had to walk up it.

Last year, I rode The Noble Steed, and did a much better job of it.  I didn't struggle until near the end, and that hill defeated me again - although I did make it halfway up before my legs gave up.

This year, I rode The Beast into town to the start line (rather than drive in, as I'd done in the past).  I did the official ride almost effortlessly, and that hill was finally conquered!!!!!!!!!!!  I put it into the easiest gear, and stood up all the way.  It was tough, but my legs didn't conk out and I made it all the way up!  By the end of the ride, I'd done 65-odd Km and was feeling just fine.

Now that's gotta be from doing all the extra riding to/from work.

I stayed off the bike for five days after that ride - mostly due to lack of motivation.  Anyways, I rode into work last Friday and every pedal stroke was an effort.  Note to self:  Do not follow long rides with consecutive days of inactivity.  Although I made it to work, the ride home was less than stellar.  I ended up having to get MaxBabe to pick me up halfway home because I just couldn't face that long hill.

During the drive home, I got a phone call from this chick I've been wanting to ride with for ages, but haven't been able to due to conflicting schedules. So when she suggested we go for a ride on Saturday, I didn't hesitate. The conversation went something like this:

BikerChick: Let's go for a ride tomorrow!
Max: OK!
BikerChick: Let's ride out to Redcliffe (a 50Km ride)!
Max: OK!
BikerChick: And let's ride back from Redcliffe (100Km round trip)!
Max: OK!
BikerChick: Seeya!
Max: Bye!

Max (to MaxBabe): WTF did I just agree to? I have a huge ride on Sunday!
MaxBabe: Better HTFU, babe.

Anyways.. I went on the Redcliffe ride with BikerChick and managed to do 104Km all up.  The long ride I mentioned above was the Ipswich 100.  In hindsight, I really shouldn't have done the long ride on Saturday, because the Ipswich 100 was 100 kilometres of gruelling, punishing, unrelenting, hill-climbing hell.  I was doing OK at the first stop. By the second stop, I was starting to hurt. By the third stop, I'd run out of gas, and all but collapsed. I wanted so badly to get on the sag wagon and be done with it. I just couldn't face another 25Km of cycling hell. My mother (the former world-class triathlete) shamed me into completing the ride, so I sat on her wheel the rest of the way. It was tough. I had to stop four or five times during that last leg just to get my mojo back. But we finally made it to the finish line.

I recorded the whole thing with my iPhone's CycleMeter app.  You can see the route here:  http://ridewithgps.com/trips/25878. 10.3% maximum grade!

My mum really is a machine. She was struggling by the end though.. but that's only because she hasn't been on a bike since January! I've long maintained that the only way I can keep up with her is when she's been off the bike for ages. The same goes for BestMate. One day I will become a better cyclist! Until then, I will fall back on writing about my rides on this blog! 

Though I was a little sore Monday and Tuesday, I'm feeling pretty good overall.  It's the first time I've done back-to-back 100Km days.  I'm pleased that I survived the Ipswich 100, though in all honesty, I doubt I'd willingly do it again.  It was really tough, and I stopped enjoying it somewhere after the 50Km mark.

That said.. I've signed up for the Brisbane To Ipswich ride, which is in mid April.  That ought to be a good ride!

Site stats are a funny thing.  I look through this site's stats from time to time, just for fun.  Predictably, most search engine hits are for bike-related things.  "Continental gatorskins" is a current favourite, and lots of people have read my review of the Deuter City Cross backpack.

But the one that makes me laugh and laugh is the sheer number of people looking for "wheel oil beef hooked", said in an Irish accent.  Of all the things to get hits from!  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

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What the hell is wrong with this chick?    I think all the fat in her body has collected and formed a tumor in the decision-making part of her brain.

Yay, a new version of Firefox.  I'm not as excited about it as you might think.  It's more one of those "meh" "Yays" instead of a truly ecstatic "Yay".

The new version of FF decided to change the way it deals with opening new tabs.  I like control-clicking links so that they open in a new tab, and so that the new tab opens to the right of other tabs, not immediately to the right of the tab in which the control-click was performed.  FF 3.6 has decided it doesn't like this, and has defaulted to IE's default of opening tabs directly to the right of the originating tab.  GRRRRRRRR!

But all is not lost.  With the help of the all-knowing, all-finding Google, it was easily fixed.  And now, my life's previous sense of order has been restored.  Ahhhhhhhh, that's better.

Yeesh.  And more yeesh. 

I had intended to participate in the Bike Week women's ride this morning.  A 25 or 40Km trundle around Sandgate with a bunch of likeminded women.  I wanted to go because I figured it'd be a laid-back group ride big enough to have a presence but not so big as to be a big swarm.

I rode to/from work yesterday, and the ride home was hellish.  Headwinds most of the way.  I decided last night I'd probably be too knackered to do the ride today.  I felt bad about it, but MaxBabe wisely told me that I could always change my mind in the morning if I felt good.

I slept in until 0600.  The ride starts at 0630 (a mere three minutes away).  There's no way I'd make it there on time.  And I am absolutely kicking myself, because a) it is a BEAUTIFUL day outside, b) I really wanted to do this ride and c) I should've known I'd be tired from riding to/from work, and planned things so I didn't ride yesterday.

So now instead of riding my bike, I am riding a wave of disappointment.  I know it will ebb soon, but for now I'm sad about it. 

Sorry for the lack of postings lately.  I'm sure all my loyal reader(s) have been experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

This is just a quick post-n-run.  I came across a site called Hello Kitty Hell, and it's something that needs to be seen to be believed!

Click the link, you know you want to!

That's how much of your life you'll lose by watching this YouTube.  But the laugh factor alone is worth it.  Do kids really respond to this tripe?

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Probably as a result of watching an episode of RPA, I decided to check out YouTube's repository of footage of grand mal seizures.  I wasn't sure at first if I'd be traumatised by watching somebody have a seizure, but decided to look at the footage anyway.  And you know what, it didn't bother me at all.  I'm not sure if that means I'm well-adjusted and comfortable with my condition, or if it means that I'm fucked in the head.  Well, actually, I am fucked in the head.  Oh, I crack me up.  Thanks, folks, I'll be here all week!

Seriously, now.  I actually found it kind of interesting to watch.  The first one I watched had some interesting comments after it, including some responses from the author.  Although I don't envy her condition, I do envy the fact that she actually knows when one's coming on.  I'd like that.  Epileptic surprises aren't my cup of tea.  I also laughed at this one comment she made:  "When it's over I get a horrific headache - like an ice cream headache, but it lasts for several minutes or more."  Several minutes?  Lady, I'm doubly envious.  Granted, I've only ever had two grand mals, but the headache lasted easily a month every time.  A month.

This one of an absence seizure was interesting too.  Having had both kinds, I'm not sure which I prefer.  Actually, I am sure.  I'd rather have the absence seizures, thanks very much, without the pain, the headaches, and the injuries from falling/hitting things.  Of course, if it were up to me, I'd rather have neither of them.  Life without epilepsy would definitely be different, I think.

This is a bit of a fly-by posting for me.. I just wanted to put up some pictures of what one (un)lucky cyclist found on his handlebars the other day!

This guy lives only one suburb away from me, and declared that indoor visits from snakes were "not uncommon".

I can't remember if I've posted these before, so here they are.. some of my favourite biking YouTubes, all by the same guy:

Dude makes an excellent point. 

Is it wrong that I'm stuffing my face with KFC while watching The Biggest Loser?

I know this because they arrived to this site by way of a Google search for "gatorskins are a bitch to put on and off".  A kindred spirit, indeed.  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

Some time ago, I wrote this post, in which I complained about how damn hard it is to remove, and particularly, install Gatorskin tyres.  I found myself avoiding riding, just in case I got a roadside flat and had to either a) spend two hours on the side of the road fucking around with regular tyre levers, or b) call MaxBabe.  I decided that I had to find a way to make it easier to fix a flat.  So I got myself a set of VAR tyre levers from SJS in the UK:

These levers work by using the notched side (in the bottom right corner of the picture above) as a pivot point.  Basically, you attach the notch to the rim, then use the hooked side (upper right corner) to catch the bead of the tyre, then pull the bead of the tyre onto the rim.  In the picture above, the lever in the middle is actually a removable item that you can use as a regular lever.  I just removed it altogether.  The VAR levers are basically a giant set of tweezers.  And boy, are they effective.

Riding home last night, I cycled through an underpass at a pretty decent clip.  It's on a bit of a bend and if you're not careful, your wheel can run over a rock and slip.  So when the back wheel slipped sideways, I figured I'd just gone over a rock (this, after near crapping my pants because I almost went arse-over in the process).  But metres later, I knew something was wrong.  Sure enough, the back tyre was down.  After a brief moment of denial, I decided I just had to get on with it and fix it.

So I flipped the bike upside down, removed the back wheel, got out all my tools, and pulled the tyre off with regular levers.  I found the source of the flat.  It was not a rock, but in fact a huge chunk of glass.  What I'd thought was the sensation of slipping on a rock was actually the tube insta-deflating and the tyre losing traction as it went all floppy.  I used my multi-tool to pry the glass out, and carefully placed it away from the path so that some other unfortunate cyclist would not run over it.

I replaced the tube and walked the tyre onto the rim with regular levers.  I got to the last part of the process, which is always tough, finger-breaking, lever-snapping hell.  I pulled out the VAR lever and sat it on the rim of the wheel, and hooked the other end under the opposite tyre bead.  One tilt of the lever, and the tyre was ON!!!!  I actually managed to change the tube and install the tyre in less than 15 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Happy day!!!!  It was not all rosy, however.  Having hand-pumped a little air into the tube, I pulled out my CO2 dispenser.  I hooked it up to the valve, and the dispenser shat itself and fell to bits.  FUCKIT!  It did seem to still dispense CO2 however, so I pulled out another canister (denial is a wonderful thing, I really should've just accepted it was dead) and tried again.  It dispensed CO2 alright, straight into the atmosphere.  So that's two canisters wasted.  I had no more left, so resigned myself to having to hand-pump the tube to a decent pressure.

Now, I should emphasise that whilst I have something approximating cyclist legs, my arms might as well be made of wet noodles.  I have no upper body strength.  So getting anything near decent pressure with a regular hand pump is nigh on impossible.  The pump is a Tioga model, but unfortunately I can't find a web link to it anywhere.  I guess it's been discontinued.  However, it is very similar to this Topeak pump:

It has a little foot pedal doodad that flips out, the pump head is attached to a tube (so you don't break the valve with vigorous pumping), and the handle unfolds into a L shape.  Basically, it's an eeny-weeny track pump.  And it is ten kinds of awesome.  I was able to pump up to a pretty high pressure.  Probably not the recommended 110 PSI, but I'm guessing somewhere around the 80 PSI mark.  Definitely high enough to nurse the bike home.

Finally, I futzed around for a bit trying to fit the wheel back to the frame, eventually got the thing in, and made my way home.  It actually took me longer to get the tube inflated than it did to fit the tyre!  Overall, I think I spent 30-45 minutes on the whole exercise.

Did I mention that all of this was done in pitch black?  Thank god for my helmet-mounted Ayup light:

Unfortunately, I was set upon by a legion.. no.. a squadron of mosquitoes.  Why did I not bring the little aerogard spray bottle that MaxBabe bought me specifically for this reason?  Why did I leave the bloody thing at home?  I haven't counted them, but I'm guessing around 30 bites on my legs, arms and shoulders.  Oh well.

Lest this post turn into a whinge, I would just like to say this:  my VAR levers are fuckin' awesome.  And so is my Tioga pump.

I don't know how this happened.. but today when I changed the tube on the back wheel, the Gatorskin came off with only a single nudge from the tyre levers.  And.. I got most of it back on without levers, and actually got the last of the bead on by hand!!!    Could it be that I have beaten the Gatorskin into submission?  That the mere threat of acquiring super-powered tyre-fitting tools was enough to cow it into behaving?  I'm not going to question it.  I'm merely accepting it!

The not-so-good news is that I could not find a definitive cause for the puncture.  I found the hole in the tube, but it appears to be on the inside edge of the tube, suggesting there was some foreign body/protrusion on the inside of the rim of the wheel.  That's not cool.  In any case, I dug a shitload of glass out of the Gatorskin, so here's hoping that's the end of the flat tyres for a while.

After my rant the other day about the Continental Gatorskins, I ordered two sets of special, magic, stubborn-tyre-removing tyre levers.  Both of which had to come from overseas because Australia is a fucking barren wasteland when it comes to affordable bike stuff and therefore will not come into my possession for a few weeks... but I digress.  The point of this post is to say this:

I came in this morning to find my fucking Gatorskin has a fucking flat.

Scratch at least two hours out of my life when I come home tonight.  Sigh. 

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You'll recall that some time ago, I wrote a post entitled "I am a judgemental turd", in which I questioned the Fat Cyclist's ability to start dating so soon after the death of his wife.  Fatty's latest blog entry addresses this issue, in a much classier way than I could ever have articulated.  Onya, Fatty.

I just had the most brilliant ride out to Nudgee and back!  Even though there were lots of pedestrians to dodge during the first half of the ride, I managed to make it to Nudgee in PB time, averaging 26.8Kph!!!!!  And the return trip was almost as good, with an overall average of 26Kph, another PB!  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This is what you'll find when you search for tyre levers on Google.  What the?  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

Continental's Gatorskin tyres are a blessing and a curse, all rolled into one tyre-shaped lump of rubber.  The blessing is that they are puncture-resistant.  At least, they claim to be.  I've had so few punctures in my cycling life (four punctures in 30 years of cycling, and all of them were in 2009!) that I really can't comment.  Or, as they say in scientific circles, I don't have a sufficiently large data set from which to draw conclusions.

Anyway.  The Gatorskins are great when they're actually on a wheel.  But if, for any reason, you have need to remove and/or reinstall said Gatorskin, be prepared to throw away anywhere between 1 to 2 hours of your life.  These are no ordinary tyres.  No, they fall into a category of tyre I can only politely describe as "reluctant".

I've been having an ongoing drama with my bike's tubes.  The generic "Swallow" brand I've been using has two problems.  First, they tend not to retain air for more than a single day.  So I have to inflate my tyres every single motherfucking ride.  This is made worse by the fact that the valves are constructed in such a fashion that they rarely admit air.  I actually have to half deflate the tyre in order for the valve to start working.  If I do not do this, the only thing that gets inflated is the tube running from the pump to the valve.  If by some miracle, I manage to get the air inside this tubing to somewhere around 120-130PSI, the valve finally succumbs and allows air to pass through its evil, useless, pathetic, metallic body.  At that point, I inevitably discover I've been riding on 60PSI (instead of 130!).

All this is actually leading to the point I'll soon be making.  In desperation, I turned to the experts at BNA, who made all sorts of suggestions.  Some suggested my pump was the problem.  Some suggested the tubes.  Some suggested my technique.  I've had some troubles with the pump anyway, so decided I might as well get a track pump to leave at work.  I tried the track pump, and had the same problem - valve not admitting air.  OK, so it's not the pump.  No worries, it's not a useless expense as I needed a pump at work anyway.

Last week, I headed down to Epic and got myself some Michelin Airstop tubes.  Knowing that the Gatorskin is a pain in the arse to replace, I decided to do the front tyre first.  It is (or was, I'll get to that later) a Maxxis Colombiere, the tyre that came with the bike.  The Colombieres are extra easy to install and remove (no levers required) as they are nice, soft, bendy, folding tyres.  In the process of replacing the tube, I decided to inspect the tyre and discovered a cut running approx 3/4 of the way across its width.  Time to replace the tyre!  I begged BestMate for one of his new Vittoria Rubino Pro folding tyres, and he graciously gave me one.

Installation of the Rubino was pretty easy as it's a folding tyre.  The very last bit of the bead did require a little encouragement, however, with some tyre levers.  Still, only about 30 minutes of my life was spent on it.  The upshot of all of this is that the Michelin tubes have made a difference.  They're not perfect.  I still need to release some air from the tyres when inflating, but nowhere near what I had to with the Swallow brand.

Pleased with the Michelin on the front, I decided to install the other tube on the back.  I knew going in that I would have a struggle with the Gatorskin.  Previous encounters with Gatorskins have resulted in blood blisters on my thumbs.  So I knew I'd be in for a tough time.  Still, I knew the end result would be worth it.

Anyway.. we are finally at the stage of this post that I finally get to my point.  The Gatorskins are a fuckin' bitch to get onto the wheel.  I spent fully two motherfucking hours installing this goddamn tyre on the wheel.  Even the first bloody bead didn't want to go on by hand.  I had to use tyre levers the whole fucking way until it finally got to that last part of tyre installation that is always tougher than the rest - the last few inches of tyre.  No matter the tyre, this part is tougher than installing the rest, as the tyre is being stretched over a rim that is larger than the tyre's bead.  I accept that.  But the Gatorskin takes this process to a completely new level of  finger-breaking, lever-snapping frustration.  Note that no fingers or tyre levers were actually snapped.  Just accept the metaphor for what it is, OK?

Pride be damned, I wanted to ride, not spend any more time fucking around with the tyre.  As I sat there, cursing, sweating, in pain, my thumbs alternating between numb and burning, I considered taking the wheel and tyre into a bike shop, wherein they would surely put their years of experience and collection of specialised tools to use, and mount the tyre in seconds.  I considered this seriously.  Right up until when I looked at the clock and realised it was past 5pm.  FUCKIT!

I finally got the tyre onto the rim by "walking" the tyre levers to get it over that last part of the rim.  Fucksake.  I squeezed evey part of the tyre to make sure the tube wasn't trapped between it and the rim.  The last thing I wanted was a pinch flat, necessitating further removal and reinstallation of the tyre.  All good, I inflated the tyre and moved on with my life.  I'll be taking The Beast out for a ride late this afternoon, when the heat has settled down, to make sure everything's fine with the bike.

*Phew*  All that to tell the story of a stubborn tyre!

This tube-changing task was part of some maintenance I've been putting off.  Yesterday, I put the bike on the stand and, having removed the back wheel for the tube change, noticed that the cassette was full of crud.  So I degreased the crap out of it and washed it and meticulously cleaned between each cog.  Having done that, I realised the chain would just deliver more crap to its beautiful, clean, pristine teeth.  So I removed the chain, too.  Yay for the quick-release doodads on fancy racing chains!  Then I realised the chainrings were full of crud too, so they'd need to be cleaned as well.

In deference to my limited mechanical skills, I did not remove the crankset.  I settled for leaving the chainrings on the bike and cleaned them in situ.  I treated the chain to a big dose of degreaser though, followed by meticulous scrubbing of each link, washing, rinsing and drying.  I've never seen the chain so clean!  Then I cleaned the jockey wheels on the derailleur and reinstalled the chain.  Incorrectly.  I missed passing the chain through one of the guards.  Of course, I did not notice this until I had oiled the chain and was changing the gears to distribute the oil.  Hmm, what's that noise?  Why has the back wheel locked up?  Could the derailleur be out of alignment?  No... it was fine until you fucked around with the chain, Max.. think about it logically.

Sure enough, I found the problem - which of course involved removing and reinstalling the chain and getting covered in chain oil.  I suppose that is appropriate punishment for incompetence.  It could've been worse - I could've discovered it on the road.  Oh, that would've been bad.

Anyway.  Long story made somewhat shorter - the drivetrain is now absolutely spotless.  Until this afternoon, of course, when I go for a ride.  Until then, I am basking in the drivetrain's shiny, immaculate glory.

I really enjoyed watching Rent the other night.  I ended up downloading a couple of the songs from iTunes.  I can't decide which I prefer, Seasons of Love, or Take Me Or Leave Me.  I think I'm going with TMOLM at this moment, but that might change in SOL's favour in a minute.  For now, enjoy these lyrics (apologies for poor grammar/spelling, it's a cut-n-paste from a lyrics site):

Maureen:
every single day,
i walk down the street
i hear people say 'baby so sweet'
ever since puberty
everybody stares at me
boys girls i can't help it baby
so be kind and don't lose your mind
just remember that i'm your baby

take me for what i am
who i was meant to be
and if you give a damn
take me baby
or leave me

take me baby or leave me

Maureen:
a tiger in a cage
can never see the sun
this diva needs her stage
baby lets have fun
you are the one i choose
folks would kill to fill your shoes
you love the lime light to now baby
so be mine and don't waste my time
cryin' 'oh honey bear are you still my, my, my baby?'

take me for what i am
who i was meant to be
and if you give a damn
take me baby or leave me

no way, can i be what i'm not
but hey, don't you want your girl hot?
don't fight, don't loose your head
'cause every night who's in your bed?
who?
who's in your bed?

spoken:kiss pookie

Joanne:
it won't work
i look before i leap
i love margins and discipline
i make lists in my sleep baby
whats my sin?
never quit
i follow through
i hate mess but i love you
what do with my improptu baby?
so be wise 'cause this girl satisfies
you got a prize but don't compomise
you're one lucky baby

Joanne: take me for what i am
Maureen: a control freak
Joanne: who i was meant to be
Maureen: a snob yet over attentive
Joanne: and if you give a damn
Maureen: a loveable droll geek
Joanne: take me baby or leave me
Maureen: a anal retentave

both: thats it
Joanne: the straw that breaks my back
both: i quit
Joanne: unless you take it back
both: women
Maureen: what is it about them?
both: can't live with them or without them

chorus:
both: take me for what i am
Joanne: who i was meant to be
Maureen: who i was meant to be
and if you give a damn
Joanne: and if you give a damn then
take me baby, or leave me
Maureen:take me baby, take me or la-la-la-la-la-leave me
both: take me baby or leave me
spoken: guess i'm leaving i'm gone!

Every once in a while, I check out my blog's stats to see how people learn about the site.  Mostly it's search engine hits, the most popular ones being people looking for reviews on Deuter backpacks (recall, I wrote a review a while back).

But easily the funniest recent one is a google search for "sacrilegious humour" (yay, I'm number one on the list!!).  Go on, click it!

I happened to catch Rent on Fox the other day.  Wow.  Just... wow.  I really wish I'd seen this thing when it was in Australia.  Now it's stopped showing (at least, the Broadway production.. now it's the turn of all the two-bit amateur productions), I guess I'll just have to settle for the DVD.

Dang.

Dear end user:  When you ring our after-hours emergency service to log a production-stopping emergency, it would be nice if you were actually having a production-stopping emergency.  When I drop everything and call you, only to learn that you (one single person) were the only one affected, and that you got around it by using somebody else's computer, that means, in fact, that production has not stopped.  When I subsequently step you through troubleshooting and you whinge and bitch that troubleshooting will take time, that serves only to infuriate me.  I mean, do you want the problem fixed or do you not?  If not, why the bloody fuck did you call the after-hours emergency service?  And then, when it turns out that all you had to do was log off and log back on again, that makes me double plus angry.  You bloody-well already know that most hiccups of the type you experienced are fixed by doing this.  Did you bloody-well do it?  No, you did not.  You're the kind of turd who doesn't want to help himself, then complains when others try to help him.

You fucking loser.

RideWithGPS.com.  Nice!

Yesterday, I took my car in for a service.  The 100K service was $666.  Then, I got a call from them telling me the brake pads were fucked and needed to be replaced.  Add another $600, for a total of $1270-odd.

I have never resented my car quite as much as I did at that very moment.  I found myself seething, thinking things like "I could buy a whole new bloody commuter bike for that much!".

I'd just paid off my credit card, too   Whenever my credit card balance is zero, it's like the world detects some minute imbalance and needs to fix it by giving me some enormous bill that absolutely can't be ignored or avoided.

GRRR!!!!

Scratch one up for cyclists everywhere.

Yes, that's the victim's blood all over the back of this tool's car.  Can you believe he had the audacity to tell the 911 operator that the cyclist wasn't seriously hurt?  This, from a doctor.

I hope he has a grand time in prison.

Yippee! I think I’ve sorted the CycleMeter app out. I had another go with it today, and walked around the house with it (yes.. I know. Loser!), and the phone locked itself after a minute like it always does. After a few minutes of walking around, I unlocked the keypad and it was still recording. I think what I did the other day was use the “sleep” button (the one up the top right of the phone), thinking it did the same thing. But I think that it does a bit more than just lock the keypad (gee, ya think? Sleep mode puts it to sleep? Who knew!).  Anyway, having recorded four minutes of myself walking around the house, I was then able to export the "ride" to Google Earth.  Magnificent!  This will make creating Bikely maps so much easier. 

If there's one thing the Internet has taught me, it's that there is a web page for anybody, no matter their odd predilections. 

Edit:  Click this one for a laugh!

The thing about iPhone apps is that the more you look, the more you find.  After a week of owning the iPhone, I've so far loaded:

• Google
• CommBank
• Convert Everything
• White pages
• Yellow pages
• Cyclemeter
• SitOrSquat
• National Public Toilet Map
• Toilet Mate
• Go Brisbane

You'll notice something of a slant towards finding public facilities

Every night has been spend browsing the apps store, seeing what's on offer, trying stuff out, downloading and installing.  The iPhone and I have spent hours together, my fingers caressing its beautifully responsive screen.  I've never felt this way about a phone before.  I'm not sure it's healthy.

I tried CycleMeter out yesterday, but I think I might need to RTFM as it only recorded my ride up until the phone locked itself (ie 1 minute).  Perhaps I need to set the phone to never stand by, but that'd be a huge battery drain.

Anyhoo.  Yesterday morning, I discovered I can browse the apps store using iTunes.  This is a dangerous discovery indeed, as it has all but guaranteed that I will be tied to my PC for the entire weekend instead of out riding my bike or otherwise actually having a life.

Stupid iPhone.

Who gets the Egg

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.

The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up; whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the balls. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his nuts, howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Scotsman said, "Keep the damn egg."

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Yup, these folks are cycling all over the place with their dogs in tow.    Read the whole story here.  Awesome!

MaxBabe got herself an iPhone on new year's eve.  I have long maintained that a phone is a phone is a phone, and should be nothing but a phone.

That was until I met the iPhone.  This marvellous piece of technology has turned me around.  And so, in a fit of severe gadget envy, I got myself an iPhone yesterday.  Oh, I'm enjoying using it.  I particularly like the little applications one can download and install on it.  I've installed one that tells me about train timetables in Brisbane.  I need only set up some favourite starting points and destinations, then I can easily find out when the next train leaves from home, work or the city.  Nice.

There are stacks of others (and by stacks, I mean many, many thousands).  Some are paid, some are free.  Some are subscription-based.

Anyway.. I suspect I will be spending the next week or so fiddling with my new toy.

My only complaint thus far is that although I can assign a particular ring tone for a particular contact, I cannot assign a particular SMS tone to that contact.  This is a feature I'm really missing from my old phone   Worse, I can't even upload custom SMS tones!  It's the bog standard ones or nothing.  For shame, Apple!!!!  That said, I can hack the iPhone somewhat, if I choose to jailbreak it.  I'm not ready to do that just yet, as I'd like my new toy to actually work without having to worry about warranties, bugs, security holes introduced by jailbreaking etc.  I'll wait for the next firmware update to see if it introduces this feature.  If it doesn't, perhaps I'll consider jailbreaking it.  Maybe.

Happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MaxBabe came home early today and insisted I accompany her to go iPhone shopping.  After spending what felt like hours (but was probably only one) in the phone shop, she finally got the phone and we came home.  In only a short drive (less than 2Km), we encountered myriad dickhead drivers.  Since I need to go through that area to do my ride, and since I didn't want to get cleaned up by some plonker drunk-driving from one NYE bash to the next, I've decided that 3993Km this year will have to do.

On the one hand, I'm disappointed.  8Km would be so easy.  On the other hand, I'm stoked - I aimed for 2000Km this year and did almost 4000Km!  And that aint bad. 

A bit of LOLZ for the new year - Tattoo Failure.  Click it, click it now!

I had a rest day yesterday, resolved to doing a 50Km ride today in order to reach my 2009 cycling goal of 4000Km. But today I just didn't have the legs for it, and I was feeling a bit down because of the weather. I did 43Km (the Nudgee ride). It was a tough ride today - more headwinds than I anticipated, and overall not particularly pleasant. Which is not to say it was unpleasant. Just not ZEN! I think the other day's ride really raised the bar.

The good news is that I managed to get a whole ride in without getting rained on. Very happy about that! The moment I got home and got the bike inside, the heavens opened up and it's now pouring. So I'm glad I didn't do the entire 50Km after all. The last 7Km would've been yucky.

So now I am frustratingly close to 4000Km and I must do another 8Km before the day is out. Near enough is not good enough! Thankfully, 8Km is nothing, so I'll be able to do that pretty quickly sometime this afternoon.

I spent much of yesterday sticking my head out the window, wondering if it would rain or not.  I'd already decided I would go for a ride, come hell or high water, but would've preferred it without the water, thanks very much.  The weather spent all morning and early afternoon threatening to rain, but not actually raining, so I thought "Screwit, I'm going".  So I got all dressed up, checked the tyre pressure, made sure all my electronics were watertight, and headed off.

Predictably, it started spitting about 4Km into it.  At the 10Km mark it started absolutely bucketing down.  Like a wuss, I decided to pull over and seek refuge under a picnic shelter.  A family out for an afternoon ride were also under said shelter.  I stayed there until I realised I was being eaten by a swarm of mosquitos.  "Screwit", says I, "I'd rather get wet than get Malaria!".  So I set off again into the pouring rain.

I passed the spot where I'd got a flat the day before, and pressed on, emboldened by the lack of punctures.  Once I got onto the Schultz Canal stretch, I got into the most awesome rhythm, and I slipped into what I can only call a Zen moment.  You know, one of those moments of complete peace and clarity?  They're so few and far between, but when you experience them, you want them to last forever.  So there I was, RPM sitting between 100 and 110, averaging around 30Kph, barely able to see three feet in front of me, feeling absolutely at peace and at one with the world.  It was truly magnificent.

I got to Nudgee in near-PB time and turned around and went home.  46.2Km of cycling bliss.

I have barely 70Km to go to reach my revised 2009 goal of 4000Km.  I'll head out to Sandgate tomorrow to cover it off

I'm becoming a little more focussed on keeping track of my rides.  To that end, I've downloaded the ProLog Cycling spreadsheet for 2010.  It seems pretty in-depth and probably contains/records a whole bunch of stuff that I don't care about.  But I'll fill it out as thoroughly as I can, so that this time next year I can regale my 2 loyal readers with all sorts of cycling-related stats.  Stay tuned!

Yesterday, I spent much of the afternoon pacing and jumping up and down and generally being fidgety.  That's what happens when I don't spend enough time on the bike!  So this morning I decided I would get out for a ride, come hell or high water.  Well, hell didn't happen, but the high water did.

I got as far as Kalinga Park when I heard an odd noise coming from one of the wheels.  I stopped and spun the back wheel.  It was fine.  I spun the front wheel and heard the noise.  Upon closer inspection, I found a big clod  of glass in the tyre, accompanied by the tell-tale hiss of a puncture.  I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that it was the front tyre, not the back.

So I pulled off the path and started to replace the tube.  The front tyre is very pliable, so removal didn't require tyre levers.  Nice.  At that point, the heavens opened up and it started to pour on me.  I picked up the now-removed wheel, the now-removed tyre, the now-removed tube, and the bike itself, and carried it all under a tree (thank god the bike is made of ultra-light carbon).

Now under a tree, I was somewhat sheltered from the pouring rain, but was set upon by the World's Biggest Mosquitos.  I capitalise the name because I think that's the actual name of the species.  The WBMs tore into my legs, arms, neck and any other exposed skin.  Meanwhile, I'm trying desperately to get the replacement tube into the tyre, and the tyre back on the rim.  This is tough to do when one hand is preoccupied with trying to prevent the theft of blood by the WBMs.

Eventually I resigned myself to the fact that there was no way I'd escape the WBMs, and got on with getting the wheel back onto the bike.  I started to inflate the tube with my hand pump and got pretty much nowhere with it.  My arms are puny!     Anyway, I pulled out my CO2 inflator, and whacked it onto the valve, and it inflated in seconds.

I heard a strange noise from one side of the wheel.  In horror, I saw the tube bulging from the tyre!!  I hadn't seated the tube properly under the tyre, and it was squeezing itself out between the tyre and the rim of the wheel.  This is a sure-fire recipe for a pinch flat, not to mention a deafening explosion, so I immediately released all the CO2 out of the tube.  I reseated the tube, replaced the CO2 canister, and tried again.  This time, all was good and I was finally able to get away from the home of the WBMs.  Just as well, too, because I was all out of CO2 and knew I wouldn't be able to inflate it again with the hand pump.  I'm starting to wonder why I even bother carrying it.. but I know the day I run out of CO2 is the day I'll get another flat and have no way to limp home.

Long story short, I decided to cut my losses and turn around and go home.  I had no more spare tubes, no more CO2 and no more interest in getting another flat in less-than-ideal circumstances.  The ride home was through torrential rain.  All the drains, creeks, pipes, and other water-conveying devices along the bike path had overflown and were pouring out over the path.  When I say pouring, I mean gushing.  In some cases, the force of the water flow actually pushed the bike sideways.  I was very happy to get past all of that and back onto the road.  Thankfully there were no cars to give me any grief on the road and I got home safe and sound.  Saturated, looking like a drowned rat, but safe.

Anyway.  To sum up today's ride:  Got poured on, got a flat, lost a lot of blood to WBMs.  But there is good news in all of this:  First, the merits of a CO2 inflator cannot be overstated!  If you have a bike with Presta valves (ie the ones that don't look like car tyre valves), I highly recommend you purchase a CO2 inflator and a couple 16g canisters.  Much easier than struggling away with a hand pump.

Also, I learnt that the Max Method Of Waterproofing An iPod works brilliantly.  For those who want to know the MMOWAi, here it is:  Get yourself a ziplock baggie, the sort you buy to put sandwiches in.  Throw your ipod in there and zip it up, leaving only enough room for the headphone wire to escape.  Instant waterproofing!  This method also works for mobile phones, wallets etc.

At least I got 26Km out of it.  Not huge, but a step closer to getting 4000Km done this year!  I now have under 100Km to go, and I think I'll be able to knock it on the head by the end of this week.  Yay!!!

Windows 7 is not too bad, as a client OS goes.  But I've really been missing the Quick Launch toolbar.  It's seemingly been replaced with a "pin to taskbar" feature, which is OK, I guess, but NOT the Quick Launch.  I've been living with this for a few days, but it really is nothing more than an annoyance.

Yay, then, for this article, which describes how to reinstate the Quick Launch toolbar in Win7.  I am so happy now!

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look and saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.  He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.   He tripped and fell on the ground.  He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out to the Lord.

Time stopped, the bear froze, the forest was silent. A bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive through Christ our Lord, Amen."

Rain, rain, go away, please come back after I've completed by 120Km-before-the-end-of-2009 objective. 

This year, MaxBabe and I gave each other the gift of not having to buy each other any gifts.  Instead, I got her half a Weber BBQ and half an outdoor setting, and she got me the other halves of the BBQ and outdoor setting

It was news to me that Weber make anything apart from the kettle style BBQ.  To me, the two go hand-in-hand.  But it turns out that they make more traditional style BBQs as well as the kettle style.  We got ourselves a Weber Big Family Q300, and it is truly magnificent.  It was news to me that food cooked in a Weber is intended to be cooked with the lid down.  It really cuts down on the cooking time as well as maintaining the meat's tenderness.

MaxBabe is loving the BBQ.  She is the chef of the house, no doubt about it, and loves the idea of cooking many of our lunch/dinner meals on the Weber.  Once she discovered that the Weber can be used to cook pastry dishes, she declared to me that she would never use the oven again!

Just as well, because our oven chose yesterday to shit itself.  Even on the "super duper nuclear reaction hot" setting, it doesn't heat anything.  I think the element must be b0rked.  Anyway.. point being that the BBQ is multi-talented.

MaxBabe decided to roast a chicken in the BBQ.  She got the chicken from our local butcher.  The chicken was massive, not one of those namby-pamby things you find in Woolies.  So of course, the Weber guide to cooking times, being for a much smaller chicken, was of little use to her.  She spent much of the cooking time fretting that it wouldn't be just right.  At first, it wasn't quite right, being a little too pink for comfort, so back into the Weber it went.  About ten minutes later, we had the perfect roast chicken for dinner.  The skin was delightfully crispy, and the meat was juicy and tender, without being undercooked.  She also made roast veges and garlic bread in the BBQ.  Overall, dinner was a resounding success!

I spent yesterday morning on the bike.  The ride was just superb.  I went out early, so the streets were dead, plus the paths were pretty much empty as people were either sleeping in or spending time doing the xmas thing with their families.  The few pedestrians I encountered on the path were all nice, replying in kind to my "good morning" greetings.  Only one person mentioned Christmas in his greeting, which I found at once odd and welcoming.  I think I've reached xmas saturation.

Anyway, it was a very pleasant ride.  There is a section of the ride that is notorious for headwinds, and they did not disappoint.  Well, when I say they did not disappoint, I mean, they were there, in force.  Which is disappointing for me, but completely in line with what a headwind should be doing with its life.  So perhaps I should say that the headwinds met expectations!  Anyway, I pushed pretty hard through the headwinds and made it to Nudgee in near-PB time.  Very happy with that!  Turned around and pretty much noodled all the way home.  Despite stretching when I got home, I spent the rest of the day struggling to go up and down stairs.  Even walking was tough!  But I'm happy with the ride.

Speaking of rides, I can't recall if I've mentioned this or not, so I'll mention it at the risk of duplication.  At the start of 2009, I set myself the challenge of riding 2000Km in a year.  As of yesterday's ride, I have completed 3881.2Km.  Yes, that's nearly FOUR THOUSAND KILOMETRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My challenge now is to complete 120Km of riding before the year is out.  I'll do it, too, even if it kills me!!

Meeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy christmas!!!!!!!!!!

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Just.. wow.

Merry christmas everyone!!

I just got round to installing iTunes on my Win7 machine.  I used a piece of software called SharePod to transfer all my music, playlists etc from the iPod to iTunes.  Quick and easy, but still had to re-authorise to allow me to play music I've paid for.  GRRRRRRRRRR!!!

But that's not what this post is about.  This is the first time in eons I've listened to music through my Logitech X-51 speaker set.  Normally I just listen through my laptop's crapola speakers.  Oh.  My.  God.  What a difference.  Bass you can actually feel!  There are tracks I've listened to a million times that I feel like I'm hearing for the first time, purely because the laptop's speakers lack range.

WOW.

I read the Fat Cyclist's blog today, to find that he is dating someone.  You'll recall that his wife died only a few months ago.  Every single comment on the blog is along the lines of "congrats, so happy for you" etc.  But all I can think is.. his wife's body isn't even cold yet.  I certainly don't want to write that as a comment on his blog, so I'm writing it on mine instead.

So.  Just how long should one wait after losing their spouse?  What's an appropriate length of time?  A day?  A week?  A month?  A year?  How long should one mourn before moving on?  If his wife had died suddenly, unexpectedly, would he have waited longer?  Shorter?  I don't know.  It just seems a little bit odd to me.  And, somehow, disrespectful.

I'm a judgemental turd.

This is what happens when you drink too much Mountain Dew, and have too much time on your hands:

Ta-dah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

This one's popped up occasionally at work, and now at home in my WinXP-trying-to-talk-to-Win7 network:  "Not enough storage space is available to process this command".  I've seen messages like this that have ultimately wound up being related to group membership and Kerberos ticket size.  The fix was a reg hack to the MaxTokenSize DWORD value at HKLM\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Control\Lsa\Kerberos\Paramters - set the value to Decimal 65535.

But this particular error message was new to me.  It also disguised itself somewhat by crying about permissions (which weren't an issue as I'd eliminated this as part of the problem by loosening permissions as much as could be done).  Finally, I found the fix here:  http://brickblog.net/2009/03/04/not-enough-server-storage-is-available-to-process-this-command%E2%80%9D-error-print-this-post-print-this-post.  Unsurprisingly (in hindsight), another reg hack, this one related to the Server service.

I think back to the days when I first started in IT, all those many moons ago.. before we had Google.  How the hell did I ever fix the myriad of bizarro, unusual problems I encountered?  I look back on it now and wonder how the hell I ever fixed anything.  I think I've become Google-dependent.  Incapable of actually thinking for myself anymore, because, hey.. someone else has surely had this problem before!

Anyway.  If you're having the storage space error, try the reghack.

First:  My email server's a bit b0rked at the moment, so if you've been trying to reach me and have received no response, that's why.  I've diverted mail to my hotmail address, but there are undoubtedly some that have been lost.

Second:  I've installed a new HDD in my PC and have installed Windows 7 on it.  This is my way of forcing myself to learn the new OS (since there are some technical issues preventing its use on my work laptop just at the moment).  So, everything's being reinstalled, reconfigured, tweaked etc to my liking.  I'll probably be off the air for a bit while I get everything just the way I want it.

If I don't post before then, Merry Christmas and/or Bah Humbug to all of my loyal followers.. all two of you.. and have a great 2010. 

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpe ndicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..

I met up with my friend Jaimie and his boy Justin the week before last.  They were in Australia for a family gathering that monopolised much of their time, but we got to catch up   Jaimie's looking good.  He's got himself a beard now, and with the long hair he's looking something of a cross between George Michael, Michael Hutchence and The Highlander.  I kept expecting him to stand up with a sword and bellow "There can be only one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />  We forgot all about the jetlag/time difference and I'm pretty sure I kept them out way past their bedtime.  Sorry guys. 

I've been riding to work the last couple weeks, two or three times a week.  I ride into town, catch the train either to Rocklea or Oxley, and ride to work from there.  It's working for me so far.  I have what I think is good news about the bird I hit the other day.  I rode past that section of path a day or two later and found no trace of a bird corpse or detached bird wing.  So I think the bird is OK.

I've been particpating in a fun little thing held by the Team Estrogen forums, what's been called the Bicycle Mystery Tour.  Basically, a trinket (in this case, a small doll) is sent from member to member, and each of us takes photos of the doll in interesting locations.  I received the doll a couple weeks ago, and took her to Stradbroke Island for a bit of fun in the sun.  I had fun too

I've brought my PC upstairs from downstair's dungeon.  In hindsight, I've no idea why I did this.  I haven't used the PC in over a year, so everything on it is out of date.  The room downstairs is much bigger, has much more room to put the PC's various bits and pieces, has airconditioning, for crying out loud.. why would I rather sit up here in the heat than in that room?  Anyway, having brought the machine up here and set it all up, I'm finding that I don't like it anymore.  I actually don't like this machine anymore.  Granted, it's missed out on all the customisations I've made to the laptop in terms of software setup, configuration etc, so maybe once that's all sorted, I'll be happier.  Meanwhile, I trialled a bookmark synchronisation program called XMarks.  My advice to you:  don't bother.  It managed to completely screw up the bookmarks on the PC's browser.  It tried to merge my laptop's bookmarks and the PC's bookmarks (my objective being that both PC and laptop would end up with identical merged copies of same), but it made a complete hash of it.  I'm just going to bite the bullet and screw around manually importing the laptop's bookmarks to the PC.  Bear in mind I'm not convinced I'm going to keep using the PC.  I played a bit of Red Alert 3 on it the other day and it just wasn't fun anymore.  I don't know what's wrong with me!

I finally finished entering in all of Games Depot's transactions into the accounting software.  I couldn't be fucked doing the BAS or tax return or any of that crap, so I've handed it off to the accountant to do.  I don't care how much it costs to finalise the books, I just want it out of my life.

Anyway, there's  a braindump for the last couple weeks.  Only a week and a bit until work shuts down for the xmas break.  I can't wait!

I ran over a bird with my bike today, on my way home from work. I'm very upset by it. I don't want to write anything more about it right now. I feel awful.

At the start of November, I attended a training course in town.  I rode in every day (except one, where I was called into work) and used the King George Square cycle facility.  I loved it.  Again, if I ever get a job in town, I'll be signing up for a membership.  Emboldened by this, I resurrected my plans to commute to work on my bike.

I have since ridden to work, twice now.  It was not, however, the ride I'd originally planned.  I decided to do a half-bike, half-train commute.  So now, I ride into town, get onto the train at Roma St, and go either to Rocklea station (five minute ride to work from there) or Oxley station (where I meet BestMate and do a 30-minute ride to work).  If my legs are feeling like crap, I go the Rocklea route.  Otherwise, it's Oxley.

So the other day (Wednesday), I rode to town and caught the train to Oxley.  I met up with BestMate and we rode in to work.  We got there at about 0730, and I felt fantastic.  I was in the best mood evah!  That evening, I rode to Rocklea station, where the train was running late due to signal faults.  After a 45 minute wait, I finally got onto the train, and into town.  It was dark by this point, so I switched on my Ayup lights and was on my way.  The best part about it being dark was that there were SFA pedestrians on the bike paths, so I could really cane along.  It was a fantastic ride, and I felt absolutely marvellous when I got home.  46Km round trip.

MaxBabe cooked me a huge dinner (which I ate, and felt sick from overeating afterwards ) and BestMate came over to watch the Danny Green vs Roy Jones Jr fight.  $50 for a pay-per-view event, and the fight lasted a whole 2 minutes and 2 seconds!!!  Green pummelled Jones Jr (who is, himself, an exceptional fighter) and the ref ended it.  RIPPED OFF!!!!!

The next day, I woke up feeling exhausted, and felt flat all day.  I guess I overdid things a little the day before.

Friday, I decided I would ride to work again.  I still felt flat, but figured my legs would get into a rhythm and I'd be fine.  They didn't, and I wasn't.  5Km in, I knew there was no way I'd be meeting BestMate at Oxley to do the ride with him.  I sent him a text message to that effect, and continued my ride into town.  Every pedal stroke felt like an effort.  I had the bike in the easiest gear, on a flat, and I still felt like it was tough going.

I made it into town just on 0600, just in time for the Beenleigh train to take me to Rocklea.  My average speed was around the 21Kph mark (a touch under normal for this particular route, but not that bad), and my average heart rate was in the 130s, with a max in the 160s!  In other words, as far as my heart was concerned, I really wasn't trying all that hard.  But it felt so damn tough!  I just don't understand.  How can it feel tough but the numbers tell me it wasn't?

Anyway.. Friday was crap, and I spent the whole day feeling tired and defeated.  It was made worse by the fact that I got to work at 0645, so spent far more time at work than I really cared to.  MaxBabe picked me up because I felt like I couldn't even do the 16Km trip from the train station in town to home. 

I've decided to take a few days off the bike and let my body settle down a bit.  In saying that, I think once I get into a routine, I'll be riding to work two or three times a week.  The distance is quite doable, it's just a matter of properly preparing myself.  I think Friday was so bad because I didn't eat as well as I should've before the ride, and I left breakfast until just before the ride (normally, I eat as soon as I get up to allow it all to digest a bit before riding).

In other news, some mates and I have decided we will ride from Brisbane to Sydney next year, sometime in July.  I went to Straddie with a bunch of biker mates yesterday, and one of them started talking about rides she'd like to do. I piped up and mentioned I'd been thinking of doing the Brisbane-Sydney thing, and the next thing I know they're figuring out all the details for how to ride there, when to do it, how to transport all our stuff, where we're going to stay etc!

So. What I know so far is this: We're going to do it sometime in July next year. That way it's cool weather, and won't conflict with CQ. Our plan right now is to hire a minibus, and we take turns driving it along the route as something of a support vehicle. The minibus will carry all our luggage as well as essential spares for road-side repairs, first aid kit etc. One of the girls talked about taking a spare bike, but I told her that smacked of Shimano neutral service and if a bike was too knackered to fix on the side of the road, she should just get in the bloody minibus and accept a ride to the next stop. We'll either stay in motels or at the very least caravan park cabins. I insisted I would not camp any-bloody where that did not have a solid roof, hot running water and flushing toilets. I probably should've insisted on real beds too, come to think of it!

The plan is to take a couple weeks to do it. That way we're not rushed, we can take our time to stop and sight-see and just enjoy it. And it gives us time for rest days if we need it.

Once we're in Sydney, we'll either throw all the bikes in the minvan and drive back up, or stay a day or two (depending on how much time we have left out of the two weeks), then throw the bikes in the minivan and drive back up. Whether we all drive back together or some take a plane home is up to the individuals. I'm thinking at least two people will be in the van so they can take turns driving.

Anyway.. that's where we're at right now. One of the girls has a few friends who've done the ride previously and will take advice from them as to an ideal route. I'm also going to scour BNA's forums for route suggestions.

OK, I've rambled far too much, as usual.. it must be time to sign off!

Courtesy of BikeSnob, one of the funniest videos I've seen in eons!!!  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

I'm not usually a fan of Japanese game shows, but this is seriously funny.  Bonus:  You don't need to understand Japanese to appreciate it!

It's been a while since I've written a Max's Guide To Cycling For N00bs, so here it is.. part 6.  This MGTCFN deals with actually cycling!!!!

Most of the long-time readers of MGTCFN are either people who've just taken up cycling, or people who are thinking about it.  I'd hazard a guess that some have never ridden a bike before, or haven't ridden one in 20+ years.  With that in mind, I thought I'd find some resources on teaching adults how to ride bicycles.

My guess is you're probably anxious about riding.  Chances are, your balance isn't what it used to be, and your body's not have as bendy as it used to be.  You're worried about falling off, breaking bones, scraping skin and otherwise not having fun.  The good news is that with a bit of preparation, none of those things needs to happen.  First, some comedy, courtesy of our friends at YouTube:

After years of cycling experience, I can say with some confidence that you are unlikely to spontaneously combust whilst riding your bicycle.  If you are at all concerned about this, by all means have your SO, children or local fire brigade standing by when you go for your first ride.  I recommend a large water-filled fire extinguisher (those CO2 ones are soooo asphyxia-inducing).

Ok, I'm being serious now.  Learning to ride a bike as an adult is, in my opinion, not that different from learning to ride as a child.  The big difference is that the adult is probably more frightened of falling off.  Whenever I'm anxious that something bad might happen, my strategy is to try to predict what could possibly go wrong, and the likelihood of that happening.  And then, I choose to accept that it might, and just get on with it.  Your coping strategies might be different, but whatever they might be, I think that the pleasures of cycling outweigh the fears associated with learning how to ride.  But hey, that's just me.

I found an awful lot of stupid YouTubes telling people how to ride, but most of them were just useless or patronising or both.  I eventually came across this gem from the New York City Parks Department:

The gist of the video is this:  riding a bike is all about balance.  Once you've figured that part out, the rest is actually pretty straight-forward.

I also found this on the Bicycles Network Australia forums:

I have a 50 year old female neighbour who hadn't ridden for 20 years, She had a back injury. She had a morbid fear of falling off the bike. She really wanted to ride. I lowered the seat so that she could put her feet flat on the road. I got her to push herself with her feet and coast and brake at her own leisure. This was first done on a flat road. Once she got her confidence, she did the same on a slight incline, so that she could lift her feet and coast for longer distances. Once she got the hang of coasting, I got her to put her push herself off, then put her feet on the pedals (without pedalling) while she coasted. Then I got her to put one foot on a raised pedal, push it down, and coast. After several goes at this it was a matter of time before she was able to try a couple of revolutions with confidence. Within a week she was riding around the block. With a big smile on her face. Steering seemed to take care of itself.   This particular strategy may not work for everyone, but my idea was to allow her to go at their own pace.

And this one:

Another tip that we found useful (for the kids) was to tell them to look at a distance rather than at your feet/hands.   This gives your eyes a real chance to contribute to balance.   Also try to find an open area where she can see a long distance away - same reason.

A lot of people don't realise that the eyes are a big part of balance too - try standing on one leg eyes open looking at the horizon - fairly stable.
Try it looking at your feet - less stable.
Try it eyes closed - all over the place like on a boat in rough sea!

So here are my recommendations for learning how to ride a bike:

1.  Put the seat down as far as is comfortable, so that you are able to sit on the bike with both feet flat on the ground.

2.  If you are able to (and know how to do so), remove the pedals from the bicycle.  That way the pedals won't get in your way while you're figuring out how to coast on your bike.  If you don't know how to remove your pedals (one of the pedals will be threaded backwards), ask your local bike shop to help you.  You really don't want to mess this part up.  The LBS should be able to sell you a pedal wrench so that you can reattach the pedals yourself at a later date.  Ask them to show you how to reattach the pedals.

3.  First, put your helmet on.  Find a nice, flat, quiet, suburban road, or an empty carpark.  Somewhere where you can focus on learning, not on avoiding hazards or other bikes/cars/people.  For this reason, I don't recommend bike paths as a learning environment.

4.  Get on the bike and push yourself along with your feet.  Once you're comfortable with that, lift your feet off the ground and just let yourself coast along.

5.  Familiarise yourself with the operation of the brakes.  The key here is to apply the brakes gently and gradually, so you do not come to a sudden stop.  Most Australian bikes have the front brake on the right hand side (ie the right hand lever), and the back brake on the left hand side.  If your bike was purchased overseas, it's likely to be the reverse.  The front brakes generally have better stopping power than the back brakes.  Sudden application of the front brakes can result in you being thrown over the handlebars.  Sudden application of the back brake can cause the wheel to lock up, causing the bike to fishtail.  Again, apply the brakes gently and gradually.  Over time, you'll learn what your brakes' limitations are (and yours too!).

6.  Don't concern yourself with gears at this point.  Your focus right now is on pushing yourself along and coasting.

7.  Once you're comfortable with coasting in a straight line, try steering.  The handlebars do play a part, but they're not the only part of the process.  Steering a bike is as much about weight distribution as it is about turning the handlebars.  A slight lean to the left will turn you left.  Vice versa, a slight lean to the right will turn you right.  The more you lean, the more you turn.  You'll notice that the handlebars turn naturally.  Sharp turns will require you to use the handlebars as well as lean.  Over time, you'll see that the faster you're going, the more you need to lean.  Leaning too much will cause your centre of gravity to go past the point of no return.  Ie you'll fall off!  As with braking, turning should be done gradually.  Again, over time you will learn your limits (and the bike's too).

8.  Ok - so now you're comfortable with coasting, you've figured out how to use the brakes, and you know how to steer.  It's time to put the pedals back on.  One of the pedals is threaded backwards, so if you're not comfortable with doing this yourself, get the local bike shop to help you out.

9.  Make sure your bike is in an easy gear.  If your bike has three chainrings on the front, put it on the middle chainring.  If it has two chainrings, use the smaller one.  I recommend using the fourth- or fifth-largest cog at the back.

10.  Start with your feet on the ground, and push yourself off into a coast.  Bring your feet up onto the pedals and start pedalling.  Keep your movements fluid.  You want to feel a little resistance on the pedals.  Too little, and your feet will just whizz round and round.  Too much, and they'll be tough to push and you'll lose momentum (and with it, balance).  Get comfortable with pedalling in a single gear.  Stop pedalling and feel yourself slow down.  Resume pedalling and feel yourself accelerate.  Get yourself comfortable with using the brakes at higher speeds.

11.  Once you're happy with pushing yourself to a coast, it's time to learn how to start pedalling from a dead stop.  The late Sheldon Brown has an excellent tutorial on this.  Remember that in your case, your seat is still quite low (so his comments about seat height don't apply just yet).  I use this technique every time I accelerate from a dead stop.  Do it a few times and it becomes second nature.

And that, folks, is it!  Once you've mastered starting from a dead stop, pedalling in a single gear, steering and braking, you are ready to get your bike onto a bike path or quiet road to learn how to use your gears.  And that is definitely a tutorial for next time

Without being in any way facetious, I think this is an excellent idea.  I can't tell you the number of times I've been out on the bike, desperate for a pee, and didn't know what facilities were nearby.  A very handy resource indeed! 

Will it ever happen?  I decided I would ride to work today, as BestMate and I are attending a Cadel Evans talk in town this evening.  The plan was:  Ride to work, work, ride to local train station, catch train into town with bike, attend CE talk, ride home.  Sounds great, right?

I got myself all ready last night.. did everything I could think to do in order to be ready to:  wake up, loo, eat, shower, get dressed, say goodbye to MaxBabe and MitchMutt, ride.  However, there is one minor problem.  It's pissing down rain.  FUCKIT!

Maybe tomorrow. 

This week's LOLdogs aren't the best out there.. but enjoy them anyway

Over the last couple months, I've come to realise just how extensive (and useful) Brisbane's bicycle path network is.  And though it could stand improvement, it's still pretty damn good.  Every time I hear some whinger moaning about how some new path isn't perfect in every way, I find myself chuckling and thinking it could be worse.. much, much worse.  And I visit this site, which depicts some absolutely shocking bicycle path designs.

This one gave me a real snigger:

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I have formally deregistered Aussie Clans Pty Ltd.  Next step is to deregister the Games Depot trading name and to finish off the bookkeeping/tax stuff.. then I can finally be rid of it.  I started to do the tax/bookkeeping stuff last weekend and it was just so overwhelming I got nowhere fast with it.  I'll have to do it this weekend - or at least make substantial inroads.

I had planned to do my first official ride to work today, but I've had back pain since Monday and it's still not gone.  I am in denial about the back pain being caused by carrying my laptop etc in the backpack when I did my test ride to work on Sunday.  Instead, I've decided that it's random onset back pain.  Yes, random.

I'll give it the rest of the week to settle down, and will try to commute sometime next week.

Click it!

How could I forget the weekly dose of cuteness?!  Here you go!

I sold The Noble Steed today.  The fellow who bought the bike from me seems very happy with it, and I'm sure he'll get many years of cycling bliss from it.

I'm torn between and to see the Steed go.  The Steed was with me through most of my weight loss campaign.  The Steed rekindled my love for cycling.  The Steed withstood everything I threw at it, and said "give me more!".  It helped me learn that I can do anything.

I'm sad to see the Steed go, but the truth is that the Steed was put out to pasture for a reason:  it just wasn't a good fit for my body.  After riding it the other day, it was obvious to me that I would never be able to ride it again.  Sad as it is to see the Steed go, even sadder would be leaving it in storage, unattended, unused and unloved.  So I'm also very pleased that the Steed has been brought out of retirement.  I think this guy will ride many kilometres on it.  And when the time comes for him to upgrade (which he surely will, if the bike bug bites), my hope is that he will pass it on to someone else who loves to cycle.

All in all, I'm very happy with the Deuter Cross City backpack.  Good stuff:

• It comfortably carries my laptop, bike lock, bottle of powerade, banana, spray jacket, stationery etc with plenty of room for more.
• I thought the "Air Stripes" air channels were a bit of a gimmick when they were touted as a feature of the pack, but they actually do make a big difference. I could actually feel wind blowing up my back. Though my back was sweatier than without a backpack, it was much drier than with other backpacks I've used.
• All the straps are adjustable, so I was able to make it sit on my back and feel "just right". The pack is very comfortable to wear.
• Whilst is isn't indestructable, the pack feels "tough" and like it could withstand harsh treatment.
• Lots of mesh pockets and zippered pockets. I felt like there was a place for all my stuff without having to be inventive.

Some little things I'm not keen on:

• The pack is actually a touch big for me. But with a bit of tweaking of the straps, I was able to make it sit well without discomfort.
• The pack sits high on my back, so there is a little interaction between it and my helmet. It's not a show-stopper, but is a touch annoying.
• Also, it's a tad wide, so shoulder checks are a little tougher than usual. I got around this by "shrugging" a little to move the pack to my left a little, thereby giving me unobstructed vision of what's behind me.
• There is no loop to attach a blinkie red light. I can't understand this oversight on a pack that is supposedly designed for cyclists.
• Also, with the exception of a single logo, there is no hi-vis piping on this bag. I will have to supplement this with application of hi-vis stickers.
• Also, I'm sure the pack could withstand a light shower, but I doubt it is waterproof in heavy rain (it should be noted that it does not advertise itself as waterproof, so this is not something I'm complaining about so much as an observation).

Whilst there are more "cons" than "pros" in this list, I think it's a great pack, and it suits my purposes well. If you need to carry a 15" laptop and other miscellaneous bits and pieces, it does the job well. I give it a 4/5. More high-vis stuff and a place for a red flasher would've bumped it up to 4.5. Waterproofing would've given it a 5.

My bag finally arrived from Wiggle on Wednesday!!  It's quite a bit larger than I expected, but otherwise is pretty cool.  The laptop compartment is a perfect fit for my D630.  Inexplicably, there is no loop on the back of the pack to which one would attach a red blinkie.  I don't understand this oversight.  I will have to Magyver something there, I think.  Also, I'm thinking it might need some sort of cover for visibility and waterproofing.  Check this one out!  It's a high-vis, waterproof cover with a red blinkie integrated into it!

I'm doing my final test ride on Sunday.  I need to be at work Sunday morning to supervise Telstra as they fix something that they broke (now the second time they've broken it in the same way) on our network.  So, here's the plan:  Pack my backpack the night before.  Fill water bottles etc the night before.  Attach the lights etc the night before (notice the theme here?)  All I want to do on Sunday morning is get out of bed, do my ablutions, feed myself, have a shower, get dressed and GO!  If I can be on the bike by 0515, I'll be happy.  If all goes well, my first official commute will be Wednesday of next week.  I can't wait!! 

BestMate says his knee is feeling better.  He's planning an easy ride on the riverside bikeway this weekend.  It'll be good to see him back on the bike!

I went for a ride yesterday morning and it was magnificent.  Despite all the crap on the paths from the recent rains, I had an absolute ball.  I was happy for the whole ride.  It was great.  I was on a high for the rest of the morning.. until I got to work.  Things went pearshaped right from the start and I had a really shite day.  I suspect today will be more of the same.  I'm just going to take it on the chin and look forward to the weekend.

I just can't wait to get back on the bike!  I'll be joining BestMate for his riverside ride.  It'll be very nice to ride with him again.  It's been too long!!!

Yesterday, I decided to ride to work using BestMate's route.  Essentially, this involves riding to the CBD, getting onto the Bicentennial Bikeway, joining the Western Motorway bikeway, then hitting the back streets near BestMate's place to get to work.  I put the laptop into a backpack, threw in my bike lock and a few other representative odds and sods (to simulate weight) and off I went.

Somewhere around the 10Km mark, I realised I didn't have the legs for a long ride.  For those who know the route, that means I was halfway to the CBD when I realised I was in trouble.  For reasons unknown to me, I chose Bitchy Hill instead of Stop Sign Road in the back of Herston.  This, when I knew my legs weren't up to the ride.  In my mind, I justified it by saying to myself that Bitchy Hill might be tough, but at least I didn't have to stop in the middle of it and start again.  You know that feeling you get, when you're halfway up a tough hill, and you try to change to an easier gear, only to find there is no easier gear?  That feeling of crushing defeat, combined with angst that you might lose all momentum and fall off the bike, combined with "oh crap!", and a bit of "I'd really rather not get off and walk"?  That's how I felt riding up Bitchy Hill.  I fought all temptations to walk the hill, and eventually made it to the top, huffing and puffing.

As I rode the corresponding descent, my head was filled with a glorious sense of achievement, probably endorphin-related euphoria, and I forgot all about the trauma of Bitchy Hill.  I rode on to the CBD, feeling very chuffed at having conquered Bitchy Hill.

My joy was short-lived, however.  I made it onto the Bicentennial Bikeway, and rode for only a few Km when I started to get cramps in my feet.  My feet.  This has never happened before!  I pulled over into a water stop area (thankyou, BCC, for installing these - it's long overdue), refilled my water bottles, forced about a million gallons of water down my throat, and rubbed my feet until the cramps went away.  Urgh, it was bad.  In hindsight, I should've gone to the shops at Toowong (only a small detour) and bought some Powerade.

Finally, I set off again, but by then I knew it was just a matter of one foot after the other, making myself pedal until I got to BestMate's place.  When I arrived, I was absolutely wasted.  I told BestMate there was no way I could push on to get to work, and stopped for a rest at his place.  To his credit, he humoured me (knowing full well that I would eventually get back on the bike and finish what I started), and fed me some very nice eggs on toast with orange juice.  What a guy!!!

After sitting around for about an hour, I decided to give it a shot.  I left my backpack etc at his place, and rode "light".  It's actually a pretty quick and easy ride, but I struggled.  Every little climb felt like Mt Everest.  Also, I took a wrong turn that took me up a turd of a climb (though not as bad as Bitchy Hill).  I eventually arrived, and met BestMate at the local McDonald's for a coffee.  Total ride distance was 44Km.

This route turns out around 6Km longer than the SE Freeway route, but I felt infinitely safer doing it.  The paths are much better, and the ride involves only one or two main roads.  All in all, I think this will be the preferred way to get to work.

Lessons learned from Sunday's ride:

• I need to eat better when I'm commuting.  That means instead of Weetbix and fruit, I should eat a tin of baked beans and some toast.
• I need to drink much more than I did.  In this summer heat, I should take some Gatorade with me, or stop somewhere and buy some Gatorade or Powerade (Gatorade is good to stave off dehydration, but once dehydrated, Powerade works better for me).
• I need to make sure I'm gone by 0530.  At 0515, I should make a go/no-go decision about whether to commute that day.
• The laptop and other bits and pieces weren't as heavy/burdensome as I thought they'd be.
• Though the route is longer, the Western Motorway route is safer overall.

I think that commuting both ways, to start with, will be unrealistic.  It's one thing to do a 44Km ride.  It's another to do a 44Km ride, work all day, then do another 44Km ride in the dark.  So I'll be working my commutes around BestMate's and MaxBabe's schedules, so that if I'm feeling tired, one or the other of them can give me a lift home.

So all in all, I'm making progress.  Now I'm just waiting for my backpack to arrive from Wiggle, then there's no excuses!!! 

I decided to go ahead and buy the Deuter Cross City backpack.  Even though I know I can get it cheap overseas, I wanted to buy locally.  You know, support our local economy and all that.  Hurdle number 1:  A search for this bag on Google produced only one useful Australian hit, a ski specialty store located interstate.  The bag was listed at $139.95 plus shipping, for a total of $159.95.  Hmmmm, OK.  Maybe there's somewhere in Brisbane that stocks these.

I trawled Deuter's web site until I found details of the Australian distributor, and gave them a call asking for local retailers.  The guy gave me a couple names, then explained to me that they'd be unlikely to have stock anyway.  It turns out that this is an incredibly popular bag, and it sells out very quickly.  OK, fine.. he went on to tell me that they receive four shipments a year from Deuter, and their next shipment was due in mid November.  OK, sounds good... and then he revealed to me that they have ordered a total of twenty of these bags for the upcoming shipment.  Twenty.  For the whole of Australia.  For an incredibly popular bag.  Now... that'd be like one bag per retailer, if that.  Doesn't it strike you that perhaps they should order more bags, more often?  And that if they did so, they'd sell even more, and make even more money?

See, this is the problem with living in Australia.  We are obligated to go through this Manufacturer-Importer-Retailer chain, each of which adds its own margins (and rightly so).  The retailers are held to ransom by the distributors, whose ordering practices might not actually be all that efficient or cost-effective.  Retailers are discouraged from importing directly from the manufacturer by the costs associated with freight, customs etc not to mention the fact that the distributors/importers make a point of highlighting those imports as "grey market" imports.  They imply that consumers who buy a product that the retailer imported directly will in turn not receive the warranty support they might otherwise get.  The topic of the manufacturer-importer-retailer chain is one that generates a great deal of discussion in the local cycling forums.

Fine, fine, fine.  So - needing the bag in a hurry (I'll get to that later), and realising I would not be able to support local businesses in my purchase (which I really, really wanted to do), I started trawling overseas sites.

Long story short, I ended up ordering the bag from Wiggle.  The bag, including priority despatch and international shipping, came to under $100.  What incentive is there to buy locally, when I can save big bucks by buying overseas?  Amazon is another perfect example of an overseas company pissing all over the locals on price point alone.  We live in a world now where geographic boundaries are transparent to consumers.  I can visit any one of a number of websites to buy whatever it is I need.  That one or more of those sites is overseas doesn't present the barriers it used to.  Internet shopping, combined with decent exchange rates and reliable international couriers, make local purchases difficult to justify, especially for big-ticket items.  The local supply chains need to rethink how they do business.  The traditional supply chain strategies might work for bricks-and-mortar shopfronts, but I think these strategies need to be updated.  Local businesses are losing sales to overseas online competitors, and if we're not careful we might see businesses going under because of it.  Some might say that this is a case of natural attrition - if you can't compete in a global market, you shouldn't be in business.  There might be some merit to that.  But it's of little comfort to our local business people, struggling to compete in a world market, but bound by a supply chain model that actively works against them.

Anyway.  I ordered the bag from Wiggle.  They didn't have the colour I wanted (cranberry), but as I said, I wanted the bag in a hurry and for the sake of saving $60-odd, I can live without the colour.

The reason I want the bag in a hurry:  GreenSight is actually paying for me to attend training on Windows Server 2008.  It seems we are actually trying to keep up with the times, finally!!  The training course is being held in the city in mid November (hence why I couldn't wait for the local importer's shipment to come in), and I really, really want to be able to commute there with my laptop and other bits and pieces.  Also, now that I've made the decision to cycle to work regularly, I'm impatient and want to do it now, now, now!!!!!

Yesterday, I sat down with BestMate and we bikely'd the route from his place to work.  I'm going to give it a test run tomorrow.  If it's doable (and I'm sure it is), I might start commuting to work as early as next week.  Even without the magic, special bag.  I'll just use another backpack in the interim, making sure I surround the laptop with shitloads of padding.  I hope it's not too uncomfortable, as the backpack I have is quite large and shapeless - not ideal for what I want to do.

Anyway, I've rabbited on long enough.  Right now, it seems all I can think about is commuting to work and how I'm going to do it etc.  It's taken over my mind, I tell you!

I couldn't choose between this one:

and this one:

Look at that big puppy smile! 

I have Bikely'd the route I rode the other day:

... completely wasted.  I had great plans of getting up early this morning and having a long ride, since I'm not starting work until mid-morning.  Instead, I slept in, got up, looked at the beautiful, perfect, wonderful riding weather outside, said "Meh", and sat in front of the computer.

Meh. 

... and the weather is beautiful.  So why aren't I out riding? 

46,000 Km and counting!    I particularly enjoyed this tract (babelfish it if you're not a francophone):

"Mais je suis aussi victime d'un tas d'attaques par un oiseau agressif, plongeant sur moi pour me lancer des coups de becs, cela parce qu'on est en période de pontes et qu'il craint pour ses oeufs. Cela reste terrible pour moi, voire dangereux en faisant des écarts sur la route pour me défendre, obligeant une voiture à stopper derrière moi. Je vais alors vers une maison pour comprendre ce qui se passe et demander quoi faire. Je rencontre Ross et sa fille Marion qui m'habille mon casque de liens plastique et me paint à l'arrière un semblant de 2 yeux regardant l'animal."

Poor bastard was set upon by the local magpies, and in his panic almost went under the wheels of a car!!!!  And the local farmers helped him out by tying zip-ties to his helmet and painting a pair of eyes to the back of his helmet!  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

Today, I decided to ride to Griffith Uni, come hell or high water.  Predictably, whatever I did to the bike yesterday did not fix it, so when it started making its funny noises again, I made the executive decision to just ignore it.    Yesterday's 17Km trip was not exactly a workout.

So I rode into town.  You'll recall that this leg of the trip contains a stop sign followed by a climb, so I decided to find another way onto Herston Road.  I took the side street prior to stop sign road, and was immediately confronted with a bitch of a climb.  Even in the lowest gear, I struggled to get up it.  I felt like I was pedalling squares!  No way I'd be able to climb that with a load on my back.  The upside is, however, that it has a corresponding downhill to a set of lights that a) are actually triggered by the bike, and b) give me right of way to jump onto the bikepath.  So it's six of one, half a dozen of the other.  Do I go with stop sign road, or do I go with bitchy climb?  I am as yet undecided.

In town, I followed the route I'd sussed out the other day in order to get onto the riverside bikeway.  It was pretty straight-forward, and within minutes I was riding along the river.  I crossed over to the Kangaroo Point side of the river, and onto the South East Freeway bikeway.  This took me all the way to Stones Corner, where the roadworks kind of confused things for me.  Anyway, I muddled my way to the Stones Corner stretch of the bike path, and went on.  This part of the "bikeway" (if it can be called that) is barely 1.5m wide, and I found myself wondering just how practical it would be to attempt to commute using this path.  There was one section of path that consisted of an "S" bend down a very steep descent (thankfully it was only 1m).  A sign next to it said something along the lines of "very steep, cyclists should dismount".  I don't get it:  If it was built as a bikeway, and intended to be used as a bikeway, then why in the bloody hell would you intentionally build part of it in such a manner that it is actually unusable by bicycles!!!!!!  Still, I persevered, and eventually found myself in Tarragindi.

Up until now, the path had been OK, despite its narrowness and occasional uneven pothole patching.  But once at Tarragindi, it really turned to crap.  The "bikeway" became a whole bunch of badly-patched footpaths, interrupted every 100m or so by roads, at which the cyclist must dismount.  I found myself cursing and muttering that I might as well just get off the bike altogether and just walk the rest of the way to work.

Finally, it reverted to being a real bikeway (ie smooth pavement at least 3m wide), and I followed the signs to Griffith Uni.  Almost at the last minute, I saw the turnoff, and headed through Toohey Forest.  Urgh.  Scenic, yes.  A commute route, no.  This part of the path is a 1.5m wide asphalted track, covered in leaves, twigs and miscellaneous crud.  It was scary enough doing it in the daytime.  No way in the world would I want to try it at night.

I finally got to Griffith, and decided to just keep rolling through to my work.  After my experiences so far, I decided not to waste my time with the goat track that runs alongside Kessels Road.  I braved a couple of main roads to get there.  It actually wasn't too bad, given that it's a weekend, but I sure wouldn't want to ride them on a weekday!  Also, I met the local magpie! 

Having found my way to work, I decided to stop at the local Maccas for a coffee break.  Also, I'd decided there was no way I wanted to return home the way I came, and seeing no other alternative, I called MaxBabe to pick me up.

Lest you think my entire post is a whinge about the ride, here are some positives:

1. The ride was pretty much spot on the distance I anticipated (I guesstimated 40Km, it turned out to be 37.8Km)
2. I got there in just a touch over 2 hours, which actually is a pretty crappy average speed, but I was taking it easy
3. That means, even if I'm taking it easy, I can get to work in a reasonable amount of time.

However.. there's no way I'm ever riding that way to get to work again.  The track is just no good once you get to the last third of the route.

So next weekend I'll be riding to BestMate's place, and from there using his route to ride to work.  I've actually done this ride a couple times, but I've never really paid attention to the route because BestMate was leading the way.  So I need to figure out how to do it solo.

All in all, I feel like I'm making progress in my quest to ride to work a couple days a week.  I think next weekend's experiences will let me know one way or the other if it's something I want to do long-term.

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My fucking bike is still making that fucking noise and I had to cut back my fucking weekend ride because I didn't want to fucking ride on it and make it fucking worse!

FUCK!

Also, the new HDD in my laptop, barely two days old, is playing up.  Fuck that too.

But mostly, I'm cursing about my bike.

After riding The Noble Steed the other day, I awoke the next morning with a very sore hip.  I've come to the conclusion that I will never be able to comfortably ride The Noble Steed again.  What I want to know is this:  How in the bloody fuck did I ride it for 12 months without feeling a twinge? 

Anyway, long story short - I've asked mum to find a new home for The Noble Steed.  I'm very reluctant to part with it as I've bonded with it, but it's for the best.  I won't ride it again, and I want it to go to a good home, to someone who'll get many years of riding pleasure from it.  Yeesh, in re-reading that, it's like I'm trying to find a new home for a beloved family pet!

This also means that using panniers is no longer an option for me, as The Beast cannot take panniers.  And I really don't want to buy another bike.  So now I'm looking into backpacks.  I'd much prefer panniers, but I have to work within the limitations of what I have.  I think I've found one that does what I need, Deuter's Cross City daypack:

Marketing spiel:

From high school and college to business and travel, the Cross City has you covered. Plenty of space for books, files, tunes, lunch, and more. Not using your bike helmet today? Then you've got a great external stuff-it pocket to keep your jacket handy. This is truly an uber-durable daypack!

• Front Organizer Pocket
• Helmet Holder/Pocket
• Padded Laptop Compartment (Fits 17in. Laptop)
• Interior Valuables Pocket
• Side Mesh Pockets
• 2 External Pocket

There endeth the marketing spiel.  Googling "deuter cross city review" produces hundreds of useless hits (mostly web sites trying to sell the product, with an empty customer reviews section).  Even so, I've found a handful of reviews, most of them good.  I think I'll stop in at Epic on the weekend and have another chat with Mark, since I'm pretty sure they carry Deuter gear.

Yesterday was the Wilson HTM 100Km ride from Southbank to Soutport.  I had a terrific ride, a significant improvement over last year. You might recall that I finished the ride last year in a touch over 8 hours. This year, I finished it in 5 hours and 26 minutes (including rest stops) Actual ride time was something like 4 hours and 20-something minutes. Avg speed was 22kph, which given my average for other rides (around 23-24) is pretty respectable, in light of the distance. I finished the ride feeling like I could turn around and do it again!! We rode to the local life saving club to have lunch, then rode to Nerang station to catch the train home. All in all, 123Km for me yesterday, which is a new record for me!!

I have to boast a bit now, so all of you who don't want to see me blowing my own trumpet.. turn away now. I am proud of myself for killing last year's time! I'm proud that I didn't bonk! I'm proud that I wasn't defeated by any of the hills! I'm proud that I passed sooooo many people, particularly in climbs. I'm proud that I killed my previous distance record (111Km, now 123!)!! I am just so happy about yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111onehundredandeleven!!!

OK, I'm done blowing my own horn now.  The weather held out for us - mostly a bit of spitting and some wind - but mates of ours suffered an hour of cold, driving rain. It did piss-pour down on us when riding to the train station. We were absolutely saturated by the time we got there. Damn, it was cold too Lucky I pack all my important things in zip-lock baggies

Even better, today I felt really good.  No soreness, no tiredness, just same old same old.  Very happy!

Don't do it!

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And....

I couldn't figure out how to embed it, so just click here.  Fucking hell.

Yesterday, I had to attend a seminar in town, so I rode in on The Noble Steed. I was laden down with a pannier that contained: shirt, undies, bra, jeans, socks, belt, shoes, thongs (to wear in the shower), toiletries bag, headlights (wasn't sure if I'd be back in daylight or not), batteries for same, yellow tinted glasses (for low-light riding), spray jacket, keys, wallet, bike lock, banana, energy goo, energy bar, notepad, pencil, reading glasses and... I think that's it. There might be more, but my mind has repressed the memory. It felt like the bike was a pack horse. SO HEAVY! And that's after I removed the laptop because it was just so heavy with it in. In fact, when I loaded it all up the night before, I could barely move the bike's back end. It disheartened me, and I was so depressed about it, I just curled up on the couch in a sulking ball of misery. But I snapped out of it. And I have to admit that on the actual ride, it wasn't that bad. Mind you, that was without the laptop, of course.

I didn't set any speed records, but I made it into town in well under an hour. At that time of morning, there was bugger-all traffic on any of the roads I had to traverse. My only hiccup was having to stop at a stop sign (like you do) to turn left... onto a hill. In the wrong gear. Ever tried to do a hill start on a bicycle, in the wrong gear, laden down like a pack horse? I don't recommend it. I think I will try to find another side street that doesn't end in a stop sign up that hill.

I tried out the King George Square Cycle Centre, and it was every bit as magnificent as I'd imagined. If you live in Brisbane, and work in the CBD, I highly recommend it. Here's a rundown of what they offer: A safe place to store your bike; fresh towel; locker; hot shower, on-site mechanical workshop; hair driers; ironing facilities and a valet laundry service. This is the sort of facility that would actually make me consider taking a job in the CBD.

So. I have completed phase 1 of Max's Commuting Challenge: getting to the CBD without getting killed. The next step is to get from the city to Griffith Uni, then from the uni to work.

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I'm running late for work, so this is just a short one.  I took The Noble Steed out for a test run this morning.  It's still big.  It's still heavy.  And I still love riding it. 

Last night I dreamt of bicycle wheels, green pavement, offramps and flashing red tail-lights.

I am a woman obsessed.

I've been thinking lately about riding to/from work.  Partly this is because I feel like I'm not getting enough riding in during the week.  It's also because I'm feeling a bit guilty about neglecting The Noble Steed.  And there's a part of me that's a free-wheeling tree-hugging hippie who'd rather not contribute any more to the world's pollution than absolutely necessary.

In aid of all of this, I've been perusing Bikely's maps.  I found one that will get me into the city without having to play with too much traffic.  I decided to try it out today.  I have no idea about the length of the ride, given that I still have not fixed my bike's computer.. however, I can say pretty confidently that I think I could do the ride in an hour or less (which, by extension, means that the distance is probably under 20Km).  The instructions were very accurate.  I only took two wrong turns.  Overall, I'm very impressed with the map and with my ability to find my way

I took the opportunity to see just how easy it would be to get to the new King George Square cycle facility.  The answer is:  exceptionally easy.  The exit from the Roma St Parklands goes straight onto Roma St (funnily enough), which in turn has lights to stop traffic so that cyclists can turn onto the far right hand lane of Roma St and straight into the facility's reception area.  I have to go to a Dell seminar (read:  sales pitch) in the CBD on Thursday, so you just know I'm gonna be riding in.  Fuck catching a train, complete with sardine impersonation, or paying $30 for parking.  I'm biking it in!! 

For my anticipated commute route, however, there is the matter of getting from Roma St to the Bincentennial Bikeway (aka the riverside expressway bike path).  It's only a few hundred metres, but it involves getting into peak hour CBD traffic.  This is something I really want to avoid if I'm going to be doing it a couple times a week.  So my next journey of discovery will involve riding into town, then figuring out how the hell to get from A to B without getting squished.

There is the other matter of how much time it will take to do the entire ride.  I'm anticipating between 2-3 hours each way.  This is OK in the mornings as I'm an early riser, but it could be problematic for the return trip.  If I leave work at 1630 (optimistic, since my actual official end of day is 1700), that means arriving home between 1830 and 1930.. the 1830 side of that is palatable (since I get home at around 1800 when driving anyway), but 1930 or later is not so cool.  Still, I won't know until I try!!

I've realised that if I really do make commuting on the bike a regular thing, I will have to replace The Noble Steed with another flatbar bike.  The whole reason for getting The Beast was because The Noble Steed is too big for me, and was the likely source of my hip pain.  But The Beast has no attachments for panniers (it's a racing bike, not a commuter), and the truth is that it's my go-fast, sleek, magic, special bike, and I don't want to use it as a commuter.  So the only answer is another bike.  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />  MaxBabe is actually very supportive of this idea.  Given that I have already spent $8,000+ on biking this year, I was a little suprised.  But on the other hand, I really shouldn't be all that surprised.  One of the things that makes MaxBabe such a good match for me is that she has never tried to control what I do with my money.  Sure, she'll give her opinion, or will try to be the voice of reason, but she never tries to take the decision-making away from me.  That is respect, folks, and I love her for it.

Anyway.. if the commuting thing pans out, there'll be a new steed in the Max stable.  This will likely be many months away (as I need to decide if commuting on the bike really is for me).  It should tell you something about me that I have already decided what it will be called:  The Young Upstart 

After riding to the city, I met up with BestMate in Toowong today.  His physio told him he could get back on the bike, but only on flats, and only on the easiest gear.  Evidently, his body isn't quite ready for that yet, as he found the going very tough.  We rode to the Goodwill Bridge and had to stop to let him recover for a while.  He was in so much pain, we ended up turning back.  My guess is it wouldn't have even been a 10Km round trip.  Poor BestMate  

It's a tossup this week...

You know what I'm talking about.  It's when you Google yourself.  No, no, no, that's not something you do in the shower when there's nobody else home.  It's when you do a Google search on yourself.  Most of the time, I get hits on myself - ancient forum posts, my blog and the inevitable slew of overseas wierdos who also use my nickname.  Hell, there's even some other LJ user whose nick is "Maxxxie".

Today, I found this person:

This chick is a model from Melbourne.  Now, up until now, all other Maxxxie impersonators have been foreigners - Germans, mostly - and animals at pet shelters.  But this chick is local and she's using my name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will condede that she looks about a million times better in lingerie than I ever will, so for that, I will forgive her for taking my unique monicker.  I might even drop her a line that says, "Hi Maxxxie, it's Maxxxie here, how's it going?  Lots of love, Maxxxie".  Yeh, that'll do her head in.

In other news, The Beast is back!  I took it for a ride yesterday morning and it was magnificent!  I am so sorry for getting The Noble Steed's hopes up.. what with washing it and lubing the chain and inflating the tyres.. but I think I must now accept the fact that having ridden The Beast, I will never again ride The Noble Steed.

Having said that, I've been giving thought to occasionally commuting to work.  Some of the CQ girls claim to know a way to get from the Kedron Brook bike path to Graceville, and BestMate knows how to get from Graceville to work.  So if I can put the two routes together, it might be doable!  But I would not ride The Beast to work.  It doesn't have any pannier racks, and the thought of somehow damaging The Beast is just too much to bear.  So I might press The Noble Steed back into service as a commuter. 

Anyway.. yesterday's ride.  I got up at 0430, did my usual morning routine and got the bike ready.  I had my Ayup lights, my blinky front light, my vest, arm warmers, leg warmers and my neck roll.  It's been a bit cold lately!  Anyway.. I stopped in the front yard to turn on the blinky.  Nothing.  I pushed the button again.  It flashed once, then nothing.  I pushed the button again (cos, you know that doing the same thing over and over again will lead to different results.. right?).  Nothing.  Finally, I fiddled with the blinky and could only get it to work if I held its two ends together.  Yeh.. like that's gonna happen while I'm riding.  Fine, I've got the Ayups, let's get going.

I pushed the play button on my iPod.  It went through the motions of playing the first few seconds of a song (without producing actual audio), then moved to the next song, and so on.  No amount of fiddling would get it to actually play any music.  GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!  I tossed the iPod onto the back seat of my car in frustration, and decided to head off without the benefit of music.

I turned the bike computer on, turned on my HRM and headed off.  As I glanced at the computer, I noted that I was travelling at 0 Kph.

To sum up:  My 20Km ride was, according to the computer 0Km.  My average speed was 0Kph.  I did this without the benefit of music to set the pace, and without my life-saving blinky light.  Fortunately, it was pretty light out anyway, but that's not the point!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!  Is it too much to ask that all the electronics in my life actually work??  I suppose I should be glad the remote for my car worked, rather than forcing me to actually insert the key into the lock in order to unlock it.  That would've been the final insult.

But none of that mattered.  I was back on The Beast, and lo, the world was good. 

I should be out riding The Noble Steed, but I have found an oh-so-convenient excuse not to.  Yesterday, it was because it was cold and windy.  Today, it is because I've realised the bike doesn't have a bell anymore (recall that I stole it to put it on The Beast, where it was subsequently lost during a wild descent on a very cold, windy, sleety, haily day and MaxMum refused to stop so that I could pick it up).  Of course, I could install the bell that I bought for The Beast (which didn't fit because The Beast has oversized bars), but that would mean futzing around installing it, and by the time that's done, it'll be too late to head out anyway.

So, instead, I decided that I'll fit the bell tonight, and this morning can be spent being lazy.  Speaking of being lazy, the last week or so has been spent overeating and not exercising.  Astonishingly, I have lost a stack of weight, and find myself at my lightest weight ever:  67.2Kg.  This bumps me just over the 30% weight loss mark.  I am completely convinced that the weight loss is from lost muscle mass, not lost fat.

I wish the weather would make up its mind.  It's bloody cold.  Again.  It's supposed to be spring, dammit!  Warmth and rainbows and butterflies!  Not sitting in front of the heater!

Enough whinging.  Time for some web browsing and other weight-loss-inducing activities

I stumbled across this link on the BNA forums, and thought that I would post it here, in light of the fact that The Beast is in hospital because it's making strange noises.  Quite an interesting read!

The Beast is at the shop getting some work done on it.    I went for a ride yesterday, and it was making the most dreadful cracking/clacking sounds from the bottom bracket.  Every turn of the cranks created a noise.  It started out quiet enough, but by the end of the ride, it was so loud, people could hear me coming behind them!  Pedestrians were actually turning around, with a WTF look on their faces, because they could hear me from 20 metres away.  I was embarassed and ashamed to be on my bike.  Whenever I approached other bikers, I actually stopped pedalling so they'd think I was having a rest instead of thinking that I was riding a clapped-out shitbox. 

So I took it back to the shop, and the guys there have admitted it to their bike hospital.  The sales dude, Jeremy (the guy I've dealt with the most there), mentioned that they're having a 14% off everything sale in order to celebrate their 14th birthday.  Oh, god, the temptation to spend was overwhelming.  But I was good.  I told Jeremy that cycling is a bottomless money pit and that I'm trying to wean myself off spending.  Plus, with Giftmas coming up, it's best not to buy anything for oneself.  Last year, I got a load of trouble from mum and MaxBabe because by the time Giftmas had come around, I'd already bought myself pretty much everything I'd wanted!

Speaking of Giftmas presents, I've been perusing the Primal site, and this little number has caught my attention:

MaxMumSanta has been advised

MaxBabe's sister is back from her conference, and is heading home this afternoon.  It's been nice catching up with her.  After we drop her off at the airport today, I think I will head downstairs to dust off The Noble Steed.  Hopefully my body won't object too much to the change in riding position/dimensions!

Cast your minds back, if you will, to just over four weeks ago.. I posted an entry about how I wanted/needed to clean up the study which has become a dumping ground for a) all my computer crap, b) all my work crap, c) all my failed business crap, and finally d) my bike crap.  Did I clean it up?  No, I did not.

Now, I'm trying to find my rider bib and other stuff for the upcoming Wilson HTM Brisbane to Gold Coast 100Km ride.  Do you think I can bloody find it?!  NO!  It's somewhere in this room, I know it is.. but I simply cannot find the bloody thing!

Fucksake! 

Thank Gawd It's Friday.  Week one back at work is almost done.  It took a whole day and a half to get me to the point where I wanted to resign (again/still).   The problem with taking four weeks off work is that now I have zero leave balance (thanks to being forced to take leave earlier this year to reduce my balance), so I can't take any sick days, annual leave or sanity days.  Bah.  I think I will spend the rest of the year fantasising about how much better life would be if I didn't have to work.

I'm not sure if I mentioned that MaxBabe's sister (one of six) came to visit us briefly last weekend.  She's very nice, one of those people you can sit down and have very long discussions with.  She was passing through on her way to a conference, and will be back this weekend when the conference is over.  It will be nice to see her.  MaxBabe is, of course, very pleased about seeing her too.

The only problem with her sister visiting is that a) we have no food in the house, and b) she's vegan, so feeding her a real meal using anything from our house is nigh impossible.  So it means we've had to go out for dinner.  Oh, the calamity!    I'm looking forward to a nice Thai dinner tomorrow

Brisbane and Sydney were today hit by huge dust storms.  At first, I didn't realise it was dust.  I knew it wasn't fog, but had no idea what it actually was.  It was like a giant haze just decided to make camp on top of us.  Driving home today, it was difficult to tell that the big white thing in the sky was actually the sun, not the moon! 

Here are some photos snaffled from news.com.au:

There's a bridge in there somewhere!

Fortitude Valley!

Check out more photos here.  Looking at some of the photos, it's as if the photographer just whacked an orange filter over the lens.  But it's dust.  Far out.

Those four weeks flew by like they were nothing! 

I went back to work today, and spent the entire day dealing with a month's worth of emails, dramas, headaches etc.  I had to postpone a printer rollout meeting until tomorrow because I had no time to spend on consolidating the printer audit data.. and now I think I might not even have it done in time for tomorrow.

The good news is that some progress has finally been made in some VM consolidations, so at least I might be able to finish another project I'm running concurrently to the printer deployments.  Happy day!

Aside from that, same old same old.  Tomorrow I am taking MitchMutt to the vet after work.  He's become a bit rickety on his back legs and needs help dealing with arthritis.  Also, he has yet another ear infection.

I have not been back on the bike since dealing with the tube-changing fiasco yesterday.  Maybe I'll go out tomorrow, but now I'm paranoid that I'll get another flat and will spend my exercise time changing tubes instead of riding.  Stupid paranoia!

From all my enthusiastic posts on the topic, you'd think cycling is all rainbows and sunshine and puppy dogs and butterflies.  I'm here to tell you that it's just not true.

This morning, I had a sleep-in and decided to go out on the bike a bit later than usual.  My legs were feeling pretty heavy and I wasn't really getting into the swing of things.  About 5Km into it, I got into a nice rhythm and things were looking up!  As I approached a bend that goes into a short climb, things just didn't feel right.  The turn was sluggish and the climb was more challenging than it should've been.  My legs were feeling OK by this point, but the bike wasn't.  I looked down and discovered the back tyre was flat. Bummer.

"Never fear!  I am well prepared!", thinks I.  I had tyre levers, a spare tube, a pump, patch kit and CO2 inflator.  Between all of these, I should've been able to replace the tube and be on my way in under 10 minutes.

I didn't even need the tyre levers.  The tyre's bead was so pliable I was able to remove it by hand.  I discovered a few big chunks of glass in the tyre, and discovered one that had penetrated the tyre's wall to cause the puncture.  Great!  I removed the chunks of glass, inspected the tyre for any more debris, then pulled out the replacement tube.  I installed it in record time, and reached for the pump to inflate the tube.

The pump has the wrong fragging head on it!  It's for a schraeder valve, and my tubes' valves are presta.  Ok, no worries.. I know most pumps can be converted from one to the other.. so I called my mum for advice on how to do it.  Hmmm - it can be done in theory but no idea how to actually do it on this one.  Great.  No worries.  I pull out my CO2 inflator.. and cannot get the ()*&@#$ thing to work!

By this time I've been on the side of the road for at least 30 minutes, and have been passed by every man and his dog out for a Sunday ride.  I WANT TO BE BACK ON MY BIKE, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!

Cyclist culture dictates that passing cyclists will offer help to others who are suffering mechanical problems.  Until this time, I'd declined all invitations.  I mean.. I had a spare tube, knew how to install it, I had a pump, had a CO2 inflator.. I needed no help!  But now, I had no idea how I was going to get myself home.  Yet another fellow cyclist passed and asked if I needed help.  I conceded that I did, and asked if he had a Presta pump.  He didn't, but offered me use of his CO2 inflator (which, of course, worked perfectly).  It was then that I discovered that the new tube did not sit inside the tyre properly.  We couldn't get it to sit right.  He started to inflate the tube, but it started pushing out between the bead of the tyre and the rim.  This is a recipe for an insta-flat, so we decided between us that there was no more that could be done.

In frustration, I knelt down on the grass and called MaxBabe.  In the process, I was set upon by the local ants, resulting in some very unpleasant ant bites to add to my already wounded pride.

Caught somewhere between and , I waited for MaxBabe.  She got there pretty quick and took me home.

End result:  A planned 50Km ride cut short to 5Km, two ant bites, a tube that doesn't fit my tyre, a pump that does not )*&@#$ work, and a CO2 inflator I have no idea how to operate!

Worse than all of this put together, is the knowledge that it is perfect cycling weather today, and I'M NOT BLOODY RIDING!!!!  ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edit:  Google knows all.  Pump has been converted, so problem #1 has been resolved.  Now to sort out the tube and the CO2 inflator

Only about 7 years too late.. some pics from the Gay Games 2002 opening ceremony and from the volleyball comp.  I was talking with Tracie the other day about other sports I've played, and of course volleyball was top of the list.  And that got me thinking of the 2002 Gay Games.  Somehow, I wound up carrying the banner for Brisbane, and since we were the host nation, Australia was last out into the arena.. so I was the first of the Australians out there.  Oh.  My.  God.  The sound of cheering was deafening.  The screaming, yelling, clapping, horns blowing etc.  It was out of this world.  And for once.. just once in my life.. I felt like the world's biggest sporting superhero. 

Notes from a hospital bed.  Oh, I laughed! 

I went for a ride yesterday with one of my new CQ riding buddies, Tracie.  A "leisurely" 71Km ride that saw us riding at 23.7Kph average speed.  Quite a bit quicker than my usual 22-something Kph  rides.

I had to take a detour from my normal route in order to drop something off at the local gym for MaxBabe.  This meant going up Griffiths Rd in Everton Park.  Therein lives a very persistent magpie, who made contact with the back of my head no less than ten times.  It chased me for easily 400 metres, and let me tell you - between dealing with the traffic, the speed bumps, the traffic calming, a roundabout, and that fragging magpie, all while climbing a hill, I was very glad to get out of its territory!!!  I won't be going down that road again in a hurry.

For those of you who don't know the joys of magpie swoops, let me present a couple of YouTubes:

On the way back from Sandgate, I rode over yet another snake.  This one was small, about 30cm long, and about the width of a pencil.  By the time I saw it, it was way too late to take evasive action, and I ended up running over its middle.  I don't know if it survived or not

The ride was good, my legs didn't feel tired at the end of it, so I'm happy.  I want to try to maintain this level of fitness going into the 100Km Brissie-Gold Coast ride coming up next month.

By Marianne Williamson:

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

...in internet cafe.  Anyone want to bet this kid's yet another World of Warcraft victim? 

Patrick Swayze has finally succumbed to cancer, aged 57.  Is it just me, or is this cancer thing just getting totally out of control?  Twenty years ago, it just seemed so unusual for someone to get it.  Now, it seems like every other person either has it, or knows someone who has it.  Has it always been this bad, and we just never knew enough to accurately diagnose it?  Or is it getting worse?  Will we ever find a cure?

Today, on a whim, I decided to buy "It's Not About The Bike", an autobiographical piece by Lance Armstrong.  To be honest, I'd never heard of him until the whole LiveStrong thing gained momentum.  I'm about 3/4 of the way through the book, and I have to say it's a fascinating read.  I mean, I know how it all turns out - dude beats cancer and wins lots of TdF.. but I'm hanging on every word nonetheless.  Not sure I'd call it inspirational or awe-inspiring, but definitely a good read.

So, here's a bit of a braindump of CQ 2009.

Day 1: Toowoomba to Goombungee - 37Km

Getting out of the start area was a shocker. 1000 cyclists plus lots of red lights equals average speeds under 10Kph. Most people remained unclicked, and just pushed along with one leg until we were out of the city centre. A lot of people complained that the start should've been better staggered, and I agree. One guy, though, just couldn't let go of it. He was ranting and raving about how some other ride in NSW was much better done and blah blah blah blah. So infuriated by this was he, that he started passing people on the left and bullying his way through small gaps between riders - straight into a road sign. I rode by him, smiling smugly while he nursed his hurt pride. The ride itself was pretty good. Somewhere along the line, BestMate and I dropped mum, unbeknownst to us. I had thought we were actually way behind her, so we were both chasing her to try to catch up! Meanwhile, mum's killing herself trying to catch us trying to catch her! She was pretty pissed off when she finally caught us at lunch, but after explaining it to her, she was cool. Meanwhile, 200m before the lunch stop, BestMate hit a rock or stone or something with his back tyre. It caused the tyre to explode - no word of a lie - and the sharp object was propelled straight into my face.  Ouch.  Note to self:  Do not ride behind BestMate ever again.  There's a photo of the resultant gash in the PhotoBlog section.  The tyre, needless to say, was a complete write-off.  Many thanks to Epic Cycles' mobile mechanics, who replaced the tyre with a Gatorskin on the spot.

Day 2:  Goombungee to Kaimkillenbun - 73Km

Oh hell, what a day.  The brochure described this leg as "Rolling hills (though so tiny they're almost like speed bumps)".  What a load of shite!  Liars, liars, pants on.. fires.  The hills were endless.  ENDLESS.  Now I understand what "rolling hills" means.  Through the entirety of this ride, I found myself thinking that my preparation had been absolutely woeful, and that I should've spent so much more time on the trainer doing Spinervals hill climbing sessions.  I cursed my lack of preparation, and my wimpy attitude towards hills.  On some hills, I just got off and walked.  But I felt no shame in it - I'd given all I could, and after all, this ride is about having fun, not about meeting some artificial target.  I took the opportunity to take lots of happy snaps (seeing as the stops were so damn frequent ).  We were knackered after the ride and all we wanted to do was sleep.  Some fucktards went to the local pub and got drunk, then wandered throughout the campsite at midnight screaming "WOO HOO" at the top of their voices.  They woke the whole fucking campsite.  Douches.

Day 3:  Kaimkillenbun to Dalby - 72Km

The first 17Km of this leg was very tough - headwinds, headwinds and more headwinds.  More stopping on hills, but no walking.  After the first rest stop, I found my groove, and dropped mum like a hot rock.  We stopped for lunch, then headed off again.  I broke away again and just went for it.  I set a new PB - 51Kph.  Yippee!  Mum later told me that she'd spent 15Km trying to catch me.  She had finally caught me when I just got another burst of energy and took off again.  I'd no idea she was behind me!

Day 4:  Dalby to Oakey - 84Km

By this stage in the ride, I'd stopped writing stuff in my daily journal.. so my memories from here to the end of the ride are somewhat hazy.  My recollection of this day is that I found it quite tough, probably a result of overdoing it the day before.  I really struggled by the 20Km mark, but managed to hang in there.  I was very pleased to arrive into Oakey.  I went for a walk into town to get some internet time at the local library and just generally had a look at the place.  Nice little town.

Day 5:  Rest day

OMG, so pleased to have the day off.  I woke up with my right hip, knee and ankle in agony.  I could barely walk.  That day marked the start of my daily pain management routine:  2 Nurofen first thing in the morning, Voltaren on all my leg joints, Dencorub on my quads, Nurofen top-ups throughout the day.  This actually worked pretty well.  I went gliding!!!  There are plenty of happy snaps in the PhotoBlogs section.  Dual control aircraft (of course), plus - to my surprise - obligatory parachutes.  Interestingly, the only instruction given on the use of the parachutes was "pull this".  No details on "flaring" the chute for landing (hello, broken ankles).  In fairness, though, the likelihood of bailing was very small, so it's no surprise they gave so little instruction.  The flight itself was very interesting.  The turbulence behind the tow plane was significant, and I found myself thinking I might get airsick before we even got any altitude.  But once the pilot released the tow rope, it was just magnificent.  So very quiet, and just astonishing we stayed in the air for so long.  We caught a nice updraft and just circled it, corkscrewing up and up and up and up.  We'd started at 2000 feet, and by the time we decided to descend, we were at 4000+ feet.  He gave me a go at the controls.  I'm accustomed to flight sim controls (which I imagine is very much like controlling a "fly by wire" aircraft) - when you move the stick, there's no resistance; it just does it.  Not so on a glider.. at least not this one.  The control stick is directly connected to the control surfaces, so movement of the stick involves counteracting the air resistance.  Similarly, bursts of resistance/turbulence on the control surfaces causes resultant movement of the stick.  I was surprised by just how tough it was to move the stick.  And I was surprised by how uncomfortable I felt being in control of the aircraft.  I handed control off to the pilot a few minutes later.  After about 30 minutes, I started feeling a little odd.  It wasn't airsickness, but in fact dehydration - headaches, nausea, dizziness, dry mouth etc.  Those little gliders don't have aircon, and let me tell you, a clear cockpit with the sun beating down on you leaves nothing but hot air to breathe.  I told the pilot I was ready to land.  So good was the updraft that he had to force the aircraft to drop by applying the air brakes.  The descent was pretty quick and the landing was absolutely perfect.  I was so impressed by the flight!  Having said that, now that it's done, I don't feel the need to do it again.  It was a lot of fun, and I'm so pleased I did it! 

Day 6:  Oakey to Pittsworth - 79Km

I didn't write any notes on this day; my recollection is that I was still in some pain in my hip/knee/leg and found the whole thing much tougher than I'd anticipated.  From memory, this is also the day BestMate developed a problem with his knee 3Km out from lunch.  It was so bad, he couldn't continue, and he was picked up by the SAG.  He ended up going home the next day as he just could not continue

Day 7:  Pittsworth to Warwick - 97Km

OMG.. another tough day.  The first 60Km was bloody hard - I developed symptoms in my right knee very similar to those experienced by BestMate the day before.  Every single pedal stroke hurt.  I wanted to give up.  I wanted to get on the SAG wagon.  I wanted to stop.  I wanted the pain to just end.  Guess who forgot to bring the Nurofen with her?  Urgh.  I begged the ambos for some pain relief and they gave me some Panadol.  They kicked in at around lunchtime, and the remaining 30-something Km was OK.  The pain seemed to just go.  I was just so pleased about that!  That night I ended up having an extended chat with one of the people in our little group, Tracie.  A very nice girl.  We ended up staying up until 2130, which doesn't sound like it's all that late, until you consider that other nights have ended at around 1930!

Day 8:  Warwick to Clifton - 60Km

Woke up in a lot of pain.  Could barely walk from the tent to the toilets.  Found myself considering just getting on the SAG from the get-go.  Talked myself out of it and did my pain management routine, then got on the bike.  Made a point of not forgetting the Nurofen!  Once I was actually on the bike, I felt great.  I just kept myself topped up with Nurofen and was fine.

Day 9:  Clifton to Toowoomba - 59Km

A day of mostly long, easy-ish climbs.  They don't seem like much, but they take their toll after a while.  I bonked out at about 50Km and had to rest for a bit.  I was determined to make it to the finish line!  Mum said unhelpful things like "put it in the easiest gear" (gee, mum, that hadn't occurred to me ).  I got back on the bike and we rode the final leg together.  At the finish line, there was no fanfare, no cheering, no excitement.  I guess by the time we got there, everybody was over it.  I was disappointed - I wanted recognition, dammit!  Nevertheless, I congratulated myself and mum too, and we made a beeline for the nearest food vending place.  Got picked up by my grandfather to go get my car, headed back and picked mum up - then drove home.

I'm so very glad to be home!  I'm glad to be sleeping in my own bed with MaxBabe.  I'm glad to be able to use a shower without having to hide my body from a bunch of strangers - and conversely, without having to shield my eyes from a bunch of naked strangers.  I'm glad to be able to shower without having to wear thongs.  I'm glad to be able to use a toilet that hasn't been used by the unwashed masses.  I'm glad to be able to sit in a chair with a back!

I had a great time at CQ.  I met all of mum's mates from prior CQs.  Mostly dykes (how she manages to find all the queers, I'll never know), and, fortuitously, they all live nearby to me.  So we have our own readymade dykey bikers group.  We've promised each other we'll get together for rides over the coming weeks, but I'll wait and see if it actually transpires.  I hope it does.  They're nice people, and I'd like to have some new people in our social circle.

The organisers kept saying things like "without our volunteers, this event just couldn't happen".  When they first said this, I had no appreciation whatsoever of the level of effort put in by these people.  Now, having seen them at work, I know it to be true.  The volunteers did all sorts of behind-the-scenes work:  setting up tents for the Easy Campese travellers (thankfully that included us); marshalling people; acting as walking information centres; manning the info tents; setting up the catering tents, massage tents, workshop tents etc; counting people in and out of the course to make sure nobody was left behind; manning rest stops; setting up water stops; directing people on the course to make sure nobody got lost... the list really is endless.  I made a point of thanking as many people as I could.  They really made the event just WORK.

I have to say that the event itself was very well organised and very well run.  It just seemed smooth and seamless and easy.  It was a great holiday, and I wish it wasn't over!!!

Now for the bad news.  I have come home with a 3.1Kg gain.  MaxBabe has trotted out the obligatory "you've probably gained muscle mass/muscle weighs more than fat" line, but I'm finding it a little tough to swallow right now.  But I must admit my quads look like they've grown and I'm looking leaner overall.  So perhaps there is some truth to it.  Nevertheless, I'm still feeling a little down about it.  Will I ever reach goal weight?

They announced that next year's CQ will be from Yeppoon to Bundaberg.  Unbelievably, we are already organising ourselves for it - figuring out transport etc... are we nuts or what?  :>>

Photos are up, but not yet captioned.  I think by about day 5 I got sick of taking photos because the scenery was pretty much all the same.  I didn't even take a photo of the finish line!  LMAO!

Still a bit tired; I'll post details about the ride later.  Right now, I'm doing a mountainload of laundry so I've got some clean riding clothes.  What does it say about me that I just finished riding almost 600Km and all I want to do is get back on the bike? 

For now, enjoy the photos.  A couple notable ones are:  the chick in the red shirt in pics 3 and 4 is my mum.  The two pics below her are of BestMate's exploded tyre (he ran over a rock or something, the tyre went KA-BOOM! and the rock flew up into my face - ouch).  The rest of the pics are mostly countryside (very pretty) and the occasional oddity.  About halfway down are a couple photos of some local's front yard - full of garden gnome art!  Enjoy the irony of tents pitched next to the "no camping" signs!  There's some photos of my gliding experience too.  Yes, that's a parachute I'm wearing!  There's some pics there of BestMate in his tiny, eeny-weeny tent.  And towards the bottom, there's some photos of me barely awake in our tent.  Yes, I have very bad hair.  Helmet head.  The last couple photos are of some local's front yard.  Yes, that's a Santa Claus.  And Christmas decorations.  In September.  I get the impression they're a year-round attraction.

Anyway.. I'll caption all the photos later.  Enjoy!

I'm back.  Veeeeerrrrryyyy tired, so no long epic tale of cycling prowess.  Just a "hi, I'm back" kind of post. 

Day four! This is a very quick post from the Oakey library's internet kiosk.  The ride so far has been terrific.  The first day was a short ride, around 40Km.  I met all of mum's friends from last time.  A nice bunch of people!

Day 2 was tough.  Very hilly.  It hurt.  Around 77Km all told.

Day 3 was very good.  Killer headwinds for the first 18Km or so, but afterwards, smooth, flat, quiet roads.  I set a new speed record!  51Kph!  Very pleased about that!

Today's ride was theoretically quite easy - mostly flat with a few hills here and there.  In practice, I found the ride pretty tough and was close to bonking at around the 20Km mark.  It was all I could do to keep going.  Mum was prodding me from time to time to get my act together.  I sat on her wheel when I needed help.  But there were times I just broke away from her too, and put 10-20Km between us.  But she always catches me! 

Going gliding tomorrow.  It's the first time I've been in a glider.  I'm very excited about it!

Anyway.. gotta scoot.  My time on this kiosk is limited and I've all but run out.  I've taken heaps of photos of South-West Queensland's scenery.  When I get back I'll post them for all to see! 

Just killing a little time before mum arrives.  Visited Dave Moulton's blog (see "Stalkees" linkage) to find this:

I'm leaving this morning, and I have some last-minute packing to do, so this will be the last you hear from me for just over a week.  I'm so excited about this ride, I actually woke up with these lyrics in my head (with apologies to The Beatles):

I think I'm gonna be glad
Tomorrow's the day......yeh
The waiting's driving me mad
I can barely wait..... yeh

She's got a ticket to ride (referring to the "ride ticket" all riders must carry)
He's got a ticket to ri-i-ide
We've got a ticket to ride
We're cycling away!

I've been waiting patiently
Been counting the days.... yeh
It won't be long til I'm gone
We're cycling away.... yeh

She's got a ticket to ride
He's got a ticket to ri-i-ide
We've got a ticket to ride
We're cycling away!

I dunno why I'm so cycling mad
That I'd go on.. such a long ride
For days
I dunno why I want it so bad
It just seems like.. I'm cycling..
crazy!

I think I'm gonna be glad
Tomorrow's the day......yeh
The waiting's driving me mad
I can barely wait..... yeh

She's got a ticket to ride
He's got a ticket to ri-i-ide
We've got a ticket to ride
We're cycling away!

We're cycling away!
From the ever-y-day!
We're cycling away!
From the ever-y-day!

Adieu, loyal blog followers.  I'll be back after 560Km or so!  :>>

Good news!  Test results show MaxBabe does not have swine flu.  We can all breathe easy.  Except MaxBabe, of course, who is still coughing up a lung.  But the rest of us can breathe easy! 

I think MaxBabe is starting to get a little better.  After much coaxing, chiding and blatant order-giving, she finally ate something yesterday.  In fact, she ate more for dinner than she has the last couple days.  She kept telling the dog he couldn't have one of her sausages because she was under orders to eat.  And I was watching with eagle eyes to make sure she ate and didn't palm it all off to the dog.

We slept in separate beds last night.  She had one of her many nightly coughing fits   It was so loud and so prolonged that it actually woke me.  In another room.  Poor MaxBabe could barely breathe once the coughing fit subsided.  She did eventually get back to sleep, but is now awake from more coughing fits.  Despite the coughing, I think she's improving.  I mean, she's eating now..  and the fevers seem to have gone away.  That's improvement, right?

Anyway.. one more sleep and then it's CQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'll be packing today.  I really hope I haven't missed anything or forgotten anything.  It's always the way, isn't it, when you travel - always in the back of your mind, you're thinking, "what did I forget?", "did I leave the iron on?", "did I remember such-and-such?" etc.  So long as I have everything on my (long) list of stuff to take, then I'll be fine. 

MaxBabe just got back from the doctor.  There is a chance she has swine flu!    Because she is a health care professional, they are obligated to test her and she's to stay home until the results are back (possibly Monday).  The "good" news is that as I am not symptomatic, it suggests that I will not catch whatever it is she has, and that I'm OK to go to CQ.  But we're to stay as far away from each other as possible, and sleep in separate beds.

Poor MaxBabe.  She's been so unwell this week   I just hope the results either a) confirm it's swine flu and she can either receive treatment or let it run its course, or b) show that it's something else that is easily treatable and/or short-lived.

see more dog and puppy pictures

Two more sleeps, then we're heading to Toowoomba!!!!!!!!!!! 

The weather has taken a turn from "ahhh, isn't this pleasant" (with a bit of "fuck it's hot" thrown in for good measure), to "fucking hell, what happened to the heat, it's bloody cold again".  It's 0730 and the sun has yet to fully make an appearance.  Oh, sure, it's light out, but the sun's heat-bringing rays have yet to make their presence felt.  My fingers are numb with cold.  I have goose pimples.  I have the heater blowing on me!

All of which has made me rethink the clothing I'm taking on CQ.  I'd erred on the side of "mostly warm with a bit of cold here and there".  Now I'm going with "mostly cold with a bit of warmth here and there".  I'm also worried that despite wearing many layers, plus a beanie, my -10 sleeping bag might still be cold at night.  I know that the Darling Downs can be exceptionally cold during winter, but spring?  I just don't know.  I think I might pack like I'm climbing Everest.   Please, Mother Nature, let the warmth return in time for CQ!

MaxBabe has been sick since last Friday.  She's coughing pretty much non-stop at night, and spends most of the day asleep (on account of not getting any sleep at night).  I'm worried about her as it does not seem to be improving.  I'm also concerned she's going to give her cold to me, just in time for CQ.  I know that's a selfish perspective, but let's face it.. nobody wants to have to pull out at the last minute due to illness.

I had planned to go for a ride this morning, but I'm going to wait until it warms up a bit.  I know that makes me a wuss.  I don't care!  I'm going to freeze plenty next week, no reason I should freeze more than absolutely necessary!  As for the rest of today, I'll be washing clothes to take to CQ, then packing.  Then I'll give The Beast a clean, and make an attempt to fix the cadence meter on mum's bike.  Somewhere in there, I'm going to try to fit in lunch with BestMate.

Righto.. best I go put a load of washing on!

It's 2130 hrs, and there's a crow outside, well.. crowing.  It's been dark for at least 3 and a half hours.  Doesn't it know it's bedtime yet??

Up until a couple years ago, I was a staunch coffee-free woman.  The only coffee I ever drank was iced coffee, and even then only rarely.  Then BestMate came to work in my team, and introduced me slowly, ever so slowly, to the joy of a hot cup of coffee.  Ever since, I've been a regular coffee-buyer.  Every morning, on my way to work, I stop at McDonald's and get a skim cappucino.

I've been off work for almost two weeks now, and have subsequently been caffeine-free because we have no coffee in the house.  This has changed.  Today, I bought a coffee plunger and some ground coffee beans, and have partaken of my first ever home-made coffee.  I obviously need practice, however I can say with confidence that this superb coffee-making device will find itself in regular employ.

Two sips and I'm already buzzing. 

Edit:  In the space of an hour, I've gone from "ahhh, that's a nice buzz" to "OMG, the room is spinning, I need to lie down NOW".  I think I might've made it just a tad too strong.  Was going to go for a ride, but not when I'm feeling like this! 

It's been a while since I've done a Max's Guide To Cycling For N00bs.  We've already covered the topics of helmets, accessories and cycling nicks.  I promised last time I'd do a guide on jerseys, so here it is!

There is a reason the Tour de France competitors wear those skimpy little jerseys.  It's not a fashion statement by any stretch (although some people manage to make them look good!).  Cycling jerseys are "technical" clothing, meaning that they have been designed with a specific purpose in mind.  In the case of cycling, a good jersey exhibits these properties:

• Wicking:  The material of the jersey encourages moisture (ie sweat) to evaporate away from the body.  This helps cool the rider, and, importantly, prevents chafing.  I sometimes see people out riding in cotton T-shirts, and they always look like they're swimming in sweat.  Aside from the obvious unappealing aspects of this (we can smell you before we see you), riding in a wet T-shirt is unattractive.  You won't look like this guy:
  
  
  
  You'll look more like this guy:
  
  
  
  Nobody wants to be that guy.  Look for jerseys made of CoolMax or similar.  When you examine the label, look for words like "wicking", "fast-drying" and "breathable".
• Weight:  Ok, I know what you're thinking.  "Maxxxie, I'm a million kilos, surely it doesn't matter if I wear a heavy shirt?".  Well, it does.  A heavy shirt will be uncomfortable to wear on a long ride.  It will pull in places you never knew a shirt could pull.  It will get caught in the breeze and cause wind resistance.  I know we don't cycle in wind tunnels, but the wind resistance can be annoying, not to mention make a tough ride even tougher.  A heavy shirt will stick to you and make you feel yucky.  A heavy shirt will also prevent heat from escaping, which can result in heat stroke.
• Pockets:  Cycling jerseys almost always have pockets at the back.  They allow you to carry things like your keys, mobile phone, wallet, snacks etc without the need for a carry-bag or backpack.  The deeper the pockets the better.  Three pockets are better than two.  Some jerseys offer lined pockets for use in rainy weather.
• Zippers:  Cycling jerseys come with zippers at the front.  Cheaper jerseys will have a short zipper, one that finishes at just above chest level.  This is OK, but the really nice thing about a longer zipper is that you can pull it down during a ride, allowing the wind to blow on your chest, which in turn helps prevent over-heating.  You do NOT want to find yourself collapsed on the side of the road because you're heat struck.  Where possible, buy jerseys that have 3/4 or full-length zips.

Jerseys come in short-sleeved varieties:

Sleeveless:

and long-sleeved:

Jerseys come in many varieties, and you should not feel compelled to buy one that looks like the TdF ones if that's not your style.  For me, a jersey is as much about aesthetics as it is about function.  There are many vendors of jerseys that aren't covered in logos and labels and sponsorship crap.  Primal Wear is best known for its unusual designs:

If you want a jersey that helps a worthy cause, consider purchasing one of these (click the picture to go to the worthy cause's web site):

The Fat Cyclist is Elden Nelson's blog, and has transformed from a cyclist's riding stories into a gripping account of his wife's battle against breast cancer.  She passed away not long ago.  Purchase of a Fat Cyclist jersey provides funding into cancer research.

The LiveStrong Foundation also funds research into cancer.

If you are overweight, you might find that your options are limited purely by your size.  Unfortunately, the cycling clothing manufacturers seem to think that people come in the following sizes:  Small, Petite and Elfin.  The good news is that if you look hard enough, you will find jerseys in realistic sizes.  Don't be embarassed to buy something that's XXXL.  Whilst it's considered XXXL in cycling circles, in the real world it's more like an L or XL.  Make note that some jerseys use "European cut" or "Athletic fit", which is a nice way of saying "buy a size bigger than you normally would".  If you're a woman, consider purchasing a mens jersey.  Where possible, consult the manufacturer's sizing charts to determine the right fit for you.

So - that's it for this edition of Max's Guide To Cycling For N00bs.  Stay tuned for the next Guide, which discusses actually riding your bike!

Lest you think all my blog posts are negative rants, I'd like to present to you one of the really great things I see whenever I ride our local paths.  The duck family:

This is just one of a number of ducky families that hang out near the Kedron Brook.  The baby ducks' "awwwww" factor is off the charts! 

Well, mum arrived even later than planned, which was good in a way (I got to eat and relax and unwind), but bad in that we had to set out in hotter weather than planned.  Also, I'd wanted to go shopping with MaxBabe this afternoon to finish off CQ shopping.

Anyhooo... we set off and had a good ride out.  There was a tailwind and mum encouraged me to try to beat my new speed PB, but I just didn't have the legs in me.  I think I hit about 46Kph before all the wind was gone from my sails.  Still, it was fun.  The Beast loves to accelerate, and I love helping it do that!    The FD is still a pain to go to the big chainring, but I'll live with it.

We stopped at Sandgate to have a bite to eat, then rode back.  I was starting to fade by around the 65Km mark.  There was a very strong headwind and I was really struggling.  Mum took the lead (what a trooper!) and I sat on her wheel for a bit.  Up ahead, I saw something on the path.  I realised some cunt had laid ROCKS across the entire width of the path.

I screamed at mum to stop and she stopped barely a foot short.  She'd seen it, but between her dodgy vision and the shadows, had thought it was just some clods of dirt.  I'm so glad I was there to stop her going over.

I stopped, and declared we had to clear the path.  She agreed.  We'd no sooner parked our bikes than we found the culprits.  A bunch of kids, all of them under ten years old.

How inconvenient for them that they were wearing their rugby club's jerseys.  Brothers Leagues Juniors club, you'll be getting a copy of these photos and a description of the little turds that are sallying your good name.

There was a group of about seven of them.  You can't see it from the photo, but there is a bridge just to the right of where these kids are standing.  It passes over the path and the Kedron Brook in the background.  Mum stood at one side of the bridge's support pylon, and I stood at the other, and this group of kids sat there between us, behind the pylon, shitting their pants.

Mum gave them an absolute earful, making it clear she knew exactly what club they played for, and assured them that Brothers would be thoroughly disgusted by their behaviour.  She told them they should be ashamed of themselves.  It was pretty clear that they were ashamed of themselves.  They had nothing to say in their defence.  They tried to get away from her by running to the other side of the pylon, only to be met by a much more threatening vision - me.  I was ropable, and had puffed myself up in an imposing fashion.  My fists were balled in white-knuckled rage.  I think veins were popping from my head.  They realised at that point that I was taking pictures, so they pulled their shirts over their heads, and ran screaming.

I called the cops.  The cops told me that it is not against the law to place rocks across a bikeway, so they can't do shit about it.  Had it been an actual road, it might've been something they'd get off their arses and do something about.  I tried to get the cop to explain to me the functional difference between a road for cars and a road for bicycles.  He hung up on me.

MOTHER.  FUCKER.

Once I'm done writing a letter to Brothers (who I'm sure have a code of conduct for its members), I'll be writing a letter to Stafford Police station.  The gist of the letter will be this:

1. Hanging up on a member of the public is very bad for PR, and makes honest citizens unwilling to report incidents to the Police.
2. Though you might consider acting on my complaint as a waste of time, it might behoove you to note that today's nuisance miscreants could very well be tomorrow's vandals.
3. Though their behaviour might not be illegal, it is antisocial, and had the potential to cause real losses, both in terms of property (bicycles cost money, yaknow), and in terms of lives (hitting one of those rocks on a bicycle, even going slow, has the potential to throw the rider to the ground in such a manner as to result in serious bodily injury or death).

Here's something that's not a waste of time.  Community Policing.  Police officers are in a unique position within our community.  Not only do they uphold legislation, but they have influence over the way our communities function.  These kids were clearly impressionable, and would've benefited greatly from an unofficial bollocking from the local Plod.  They would've listened.  And I suspect they would've seen the error of their ways and never repeated their behaviour.  Five minutes from the local Sergeant chatting to these kids and their parents could very well prevent future incidents (and perhaps future actual offences).

I know what you're thinking.  The cops are overworked with actual, real crimes.  I should cut them a little slack.  Well, I don't feel the same way.  I pay tax dollars for a reason, and it's not for the cops to have a laissez-faire attitude towards the safety of the community it serves.

I'm still formulating what I will write in the letter to the cops.  It will be much more articulate and verbose than what I've written here.

Anyway.  We removed all the rocks from the path.  The large one was so heavy mum couldn't lift it.  I could barely carry it either, but I did.  Those kids must've done a team effort to even move it.  After that, I was riding on anger (the best kind of motivator).  Only a few Km down the path, some dimwit was walking her dog.  The dog's leash was attached to its collar, and dragging behind it.  I said, obviously much louder than intended, "Pick that lead up, you stupid woman."  Evidently, she heard this, and said in that shocked self-righteous voice that idiots often use, "Excuse you!".  To which I replied, "FUCK YOU!".  She stood in stunned silence and watched me ride off, as her dog proceeded to run under mum's wheel.  It was only through deft manoeuvering that mum avoided the mutt.  The woman then got an earful from mum.  Fucking idiot.

You know, I get tired of people doing blatantly stupid (and in the case of the leashless dog, actually illegal) things, and thinking their actions don't have consequences.  I know I'm no exception to this, and I've exhibited the same behaviour from time to time.. but I am seriously OVER IT.  I swear, the next dog owner I see who thinks that Fido will actually come when called, is going to get a fucking earful.  And I hope, when they call the cops on me, that they get hung up on.

MaxBabe has kept me up all night with incessant coughing.  She has some sort of cold/flu, and I'm hoping a) it isn't swine flu, and b) I don't get it just in time for CQ.  CQ has put the word out - if you're symptomatic, you're not welcome.

So I'm tired, which makes me grumpy.  Also, predictably, the last couple days' eating extravaganza has resulted in a large-ish gain, and I'm back in Overweight territory.  I really need to do something about it, instead of just complaining.  So I'm grumpy about that.  Both the weight gain and my inaction.

Finally, MaxMum is going on a 100Km ride with me today.  Usually she's here by 0700, which means I need to be out of bed by 0500.. so I dragged myself out of bed only to get a text message from her telling me she won't be there until "late" - 0800 or later.  I could've had another hour to toss and turn and be coughed at.  Instead, I'm online and having a whinge.

Must.  Stop.  Negativity.  Now.

Tired... grumpy... tired.. grumpy.. think I'm gonna go back to bed.

There's nothing like a huge sushi meal to make a girl grin from ear to ear.  MaxBabe and I used to go to sushi for dinner every other night when we first got together.  It's always a tightrope, teetering between self-control and gluttony.  Gluttony usually wins.  Today, I'm about 800 Kcal over my daily intake, thanks in no small part to my sushi OD.  But it's all good, tomorrow I'm going for a 100Km ride, wherein I will burn off said sushi.  I feel like Wimpy, out of Popeye, famous for his "I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today" line.    I have to go now, MaxBabe is heating up apple pies and custard. 

Today I did a short ride (21.2Km).  I'd planned to do a longer one, but at the last minute decided to go shopping with BestMate, so I had to cut it short.  When I say "I did it", I'm not referring to the incredible feat of riding 21.1Km.

By riding that 21.1Km, I achieved my goal of riding 2000Km in 2009!!!!!! And by the time I'm done with CQ, I may very well be close to 3000Km!  How good is that!!!! 

Latest Google hit:  "fuck it's hot today".  LOLZ!  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

Yesterday was pretty good, despite having to go to a large shopping centre.  I got there reasonably early, as I had an appointment with the eyeglass people, which meant I was able to find a carpark near the entrance.  On a whim, I dropped into a random bookstore and found the Kathy Reichs book I've been chasing for ages.  The shop assistant mentioned she'd just released a new one, so I got it too, and now my collection is complete!

The eyeglass people were good, and no surprises here, my eyes are a bit older and wiser since the last time I went (2 and a half years ago).  I complained that I get distortion when I turn my head (square objects appear oblong/trapezoid) and it turns out there is new technology designed specifically to combat this.  I complained that my current frames sit a bit low, meaning I spend half my time looking over the lens instead of through it.  We found new frames.  And I mentioned I want those lenses that darken in the sun, so that's what I'm getting.  $600-something for all of that.  Fucking hell.  Now, I know some of you are probably thinking, "but can you really put a price on clear vision, Max?".  The answer is.. "you wouldn't think so, but it turns out that you can."  After I swallowed my shock, I moved quickly to acceptance and put down a deposit.

After that, I went and did a bit of reluctant clothes shopping, and not-so-reluctant DVD shopping.  Got myself a few more series of NCIS and SVU.  Discovered upon getting home that I already had one of the NCIS series, so I will have to go back and swap it.  GRR!  Serves me right for being scatter-brained.

Went to Anaconda and got myself some camping crockery/eating devices, another camping pillow (so I can put my leg up to prevent hip pain) and some stuff sacks (expensive bags to stuff things into; apparently a pillow-case is sooo 19th century).  I'm pretty sure I have all the camping-related stuff for CQ now, and I can stop thinking about it anymore.  I have to do a test run for packing my stuff, though.  Maybe I'll do that today.

Spent the rest of the day lazing on the hammock and reading a book.  I really need to get out on the bike today.  My riding clothes are sitting on the bike, waiting for me to just get changed and go.  But I'm in one of those I-just-couldn't-be-arsed moods.  Plus, it's kinda cold out.  Evidently, I am looking for excuses not to ride.  What the hell is wrong with me?

I've applied a b2evo mod that allows threaded comments - ie you can see replies to comments nested underneath said comment.  I don't know if a reply to a comment actually generates an outbound email to the original commenter.  I suspect it does not, but couldn't be arsed trawling through mail logs to find out definitively - trawling through the plugin's code doesn't reveal any mail-like calls, so I'm 90% sure it doesn't.  The buttons are a little bare and I will probably apply some CSS later to fix that.  Meanwhile.. it's an improvement.  I think.

CQ is just over a week away.  I haven't done anywhere near as much riding as I'd wanted to, but in saying that, I really do feel ready.  I'm in the same headspace I get in just before an exam, where I know that I know all I need to know (try saying that three times fast), and there's no point trying to know more.  Well, I'm kinda at that point with my preparation for CQ.  I know I've got it in me to do the distances.  And I know that if I need to rest on the day, I can do that at any one of a number of rest stops, without feeling guilty about it.  Moreover, I intend to take in the views and experiences of CQ.  It's not a race, it's not a charity ride, it's supposed to be an experience.

The CQ handbook details all sorts of attractions at each of the towns we're visiting.  The first stop, at Goombungee (a mere 37Km from the start) boasts galleries, wine tasting, tea and damper at a museum, and.. importantly.. giant steaks at the local pub.  Now really, after a long, hard (not) 37Km ride.. what could be better than a nice, juicy steak?  Day 2 is a 77/89Km ride (depending on which option you take), and winds up in a town called Kaimkillenbun (officially QLD's longest-named town).  The Bun has no town water or sewer, but has a pub.. which should tell you something about the locals' priorities!!

I won't bore you with details of the remaining 7 days, except to make mention that our rest day is in Oakey.  Oakey is a flying town, and boasts one of the Australian Army's flying Wings.  I don't know what the Army calls its Wings, but since I don't know the Army vocabulary and do know the RAAF's, the RAAF's nomenclature is what you're getting.  Of note is that Oakey houses the Army's aviation training schools and the chopper school.  I don't know off the top of my head if the Army has any fixed-wing aircraft.  I have a feeling it's all rotary wing (choppers, for those of you that aren't air heads).  All that aside, what I'm trying to get to is this:  I've made plans to go gliding at one of Oakey's civilian gliding facilities.  I've never been gliding before (having missed the opportunity as a Cadet on account of the epilepsy) and I'm really looking foward to it.  I've never had my grubby little mitts on real flight controls before.  It will be interesting to see how reality matches up to flight sims! 

I occasionally visit the AAFC's web site.  Ever since leaving the AIRTC (as it was then known), I've given thought to returning as an instructor.  But every time I give it serious thought, I remind myself that it requires a significant committment of my time, and that the last thing I want is to do a half-arsed job of it (my last year as a Cadet was spent doing a half-arsed job, and despite duxing the SNCO course and being promoted to CDTSGT, I was subsequently passed over for all other promotions).  Also, there is the matter of the epilepsy (which they overlooked when I was a Cadet, but might not overlook for an instructor).  Plus there's the gay thing - who knows how, or indeed if, attitudes have changed.  All that aside, it is with some pleasure that I note two things.  1.  One of my old instructors is now Unit Commander of two Squadrons.  2.  One of my occasional instructors (he was an instructor at another Flight, and we crossed paths only during promotion courses), who was at the time an LAC, is now a Wing Commander.  I'm very pleased to see his efforts rewarded.

Getting back to CQ - this time next week I'll be trying to jam stuff into a bag, and getting ready to travel to Toowoomba!  Friday of next week, I'll be gone, gone, gooooone!!!!

Went to see Pink last night, the second time we've been to see this particular performance.  She was truly awesome, however my thoughts are that the Funhouse tour is not quite as good as the I'm Not Dead tour.  Nevertheless, the performance was spectacular and if someone offered me tickets to see it again, I'd snap them up.  Got home very late and consequently feel pretty tired today.

Woke up today to a welcome 1Kg loss.  Hopefully things will continue in this downward trend.

I have not yet gone for a swim at the local council pool.  Just as well I didn't make the effort, because it turns out it's not bloody open!  Well, the facilities are technically open during winter, but according to the council website, the pool is closed.  I just called the complex and the story is that they don't open until September, but Tues-Fri they are open in the mornings for swimming lessons/training.  So I could "pop down and do a few laps".  Very glad I didn't just head there on my bike this afternoon!  The next nearest pool is at Chermside, which is not a short distance away.  So.. I'm in a quandary.  Do I ride my bike to the local place in the morning to do a few laps (thereby saving fuel, and by extension, the planet), or do I drive all the way to Chermside any time of the day and have a leisurely swim?  I think I already know the answer to that!  I love you, Mother Nature, but Brisbane City Council doesn't see it your way.  I'm so sorry.  Actually, I'm going to Chermside shopping centre tomorrow, so perhaps I will drop into the pool while I'm in the area.  I wonder if there are any bike paths to Chermside?  I'll have to check it out.

Today will be a lazy day, I think.  I will have to go foraging for food at some stage as the pantry is bare and MaxBabe has declared she will not have time to shop until Sunday.  How ever will I survive!!!!    More important than food, however, is the fact that I have run out of reading material to keep me occupied whilst I laze in my hammock.  All thoughts of attending to the list of "must-do" tasks has been abandoned in favour of this much more pleasant activity.  Thus, my fate is sealed and I will have to brave the local shopping centre.

Not much else to report, so it must be time to sign off.

Today I did my regular 40Km ride to Nudgee and back.  Riding on the path outside of my normal riding hours has introduced me to a completely new set of path users.  Namely schoolkids, people commuting to work on their bikes, and people walking to work.  I decided to take it easy through the Kedron Brook area, where the pedestrians were at their most numerous.  I rode through Kalinga, then headed to Toombul, only to find the bike path has been blocked off for path works!  I had no idea how to get where I wanted to go, but thankfully a kindly bike commuter let me follow him to find the other end of the path.  Random Bike Commuter, I thank you.

The ride was made especially good for two reasons.  1:  I got to see lots of unhappy, cranky, frustrated drivers stuck in traffic, trying to get to work.  And for once, I wasn't one of them.  And 2:  I got to see lots of happy, smiling, not stuck in traffic bike commuters, all of them making better time than the car commuters.  Oh, and also, I got to see a handful of cute chicks on hot bikes. 

The going through the Schultz Canal was tough due to headwinds, and I found myself once again muttering things like "stupid bike, stupid wind, stupid canal, stupid exercise".  And my iPod's earpiece doodad kept falling out of my ear!  Nevertheless, I made it to Nudgee with a very good average speed.  I suspect if it weren't for the headwinds I might've had a new PB!  But it wasn't to be.  On the return trip, I kept trying to beat my speed record, but I just didn't have the legs in me, and I eventually gave up.  One of the people I'd passed on the way back eventually caught up to me and passed me.  I tried to catch her, but I was done.  Within minutes she was just a blob of fluorescent yellow on the horizon.

Lots more schoolkids and walkers on the Kedron Brook stretch on the way back, which suited me fine as I had no desire to go fast.  Oh, and another (*&@#$ headwind.  THANKS, MOTHER NATURE!!!!!!!

Got home and the stupid resident magpie swooped me three times.  It perched itself on the power line just in front of my driveway and gave me the evil magpie eye.  I cursed at it, waved my arms at it, and dared it to try to take me on to my face instead of cowardly sneaking up on me from behind.  Like the coward that it is, it declined, and I walked into the house, greeted by my very excited dog.  You'd think I'd been gone a lifetime!!!

I am pleased to report that I am only a very short ride from completing my goal of riding 2000Km this year.  I'm very excited about this!  Who ever would've thought I could do such a thing! 

I occasionally go through my site's logs to see how people happen to stumble across my blog.  The latest google hit?  "common things to rant about".  BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!  )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

It's bloody hot here.  Just last week we were sitting in front of the heater, shivering.  Today, I'm in singlet and boxers, sweating like crazy.

Just got back from the shops and have a few of the items on my list knocked off.  I'm glad I didn't get it all done today.  Shopping makes Max cranky.  Also got my hair cut, by one of those over-talkative hairdressers whose entire social life is derived from conversations with her customers.  Every few seconds she'd stop cutting my hair and start yakking on about something or other.. Finally the haircut was done and she let me off the chair.  Without brushing all the clippings off my face and neck.  I spent the next two hours spitting hair out of my mouth and picking bits of hair out of my ears.  GRRRRRRRRRR!

The good news is that I got myself a book (another Tess Gerritsen novel, I don't think I've read it before) which will keep me occupied with something other than cycling or sitting at this computer typing.  I need to take advantage of the fact that I'm on holiday and do things that relax me, instead of just doing the stuff I do every day anyway (not that cycling isn't relaxing, quite the opposite, but what I mean is that I need to do something different).

With this heat being what it is, I'm giving thought to doing some swimming as a means of improving my fitness and potentially knocking off the final five or six kilos that are not shifting.  I think I might ride The Noble Steed to the local public pool.  Tomorrow.    Today I will be lying on the hammock enjoying my new book.

I went on a 54.4Km ride yesterday that I think was as perfect as a ride can be.  It was my usual dead-flat bike path ride, but yesterday's ride was different.  I didn't have to play in traffic to get to the bike path - all the cars passed me at once, and I was left alone on the road.  On the path, there were no snakes, potholes, bits of glass, stupid pedestrians or stupid cyclists.  In fact there were remarkably few pedestrians at all.  When I dinged my bell at them, they all acknowledged me.  Some stepped aside, but I don't expect that.  All I need is for them to know I'm there and about to pass them.  A "dinged" pedestrian is one who won't suddenly change course and go under my wheels.

At around the 7Km mark, I encountered a guy riding bike festooned with Eddie Mercx stickers.  His jersey had Mercx written all over it.  I don't know if the bike was an actual Mercx bike or something else, but obviously dude likes his Mercx.  In front of him was a young girl, I assume his daughter.  She was setting the pace, and so the going was slow.  There was nowhere to pass them, and at first I found myself a little frustrated.  But I told myself it was good to go slow - it burns fat (apparently) and it helps stamina.  A long ride's a good ride!

So I stayed behind them for another 7Km or so.  The guy knew I was there and kept looking back, but I was happy to hang back and not pass them.  Every once in a while we'd encounter a pedestrian and I'd ding my bell (because they had no bells.. naughty naughty illegal riders).  Later, he thanked me for my bell-ringing.  They pulled over at about 15Km to cross a road, and let me go ahead of them.  I wanted to tell them I wanted to keep hanging off their wheels, but it's kinda rude to do that with strangers.  So off I went, through Kalinga Park.  Kalinga is known, at least to me, as a dangerous mine-field of wandering toddlers and loose dogs.  Not yesterday.  All the toddlers were safely sitting with their parents, and there were no loose dogs at all.  I turned off to Toombul and kept riding, not a sliver of glass on the usually glassy path.

Somehow Mr Mercx and daughter must've caught up to me because as I dismounted to cross the road at Toombul, they were only a few metres behind.  Hmm, this simply would not do.  Having crossed the road, I took off and maintained around 32Kph for a few Kms.  I know only moments before I wanted to stay on their tail, but once I'm in front, I like to stay in front.  Mr Mercx and daughter.. sorry if you ate my dust.  I really did enjoy riding with you, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

I set a nice quick pace through the Schultz Canal area.  If there were headwinds, I didn't notice them.  I just kept on riding, riding, riding.  When I got to Nudgee (20Km), I felt like my legs had plenty left in them.  I hadn't planned on doing a longer ride, but when the legs feel good, why cut it short?  So I rode on to Boondall.  The Boondall Wetlands area is a nice ride, but with narrow paths it makes passing slow-pokes kinda tough.  And the area being what it is, it's almost always populated by tourists going slow.  And when it's not full of slow-poke tourists, it's full of go-fast racers who take up the entire width of the path (the path is barely 2 riders' width).  Not yesterday.  I felt like I was the only rider on the path.  I felt at once invincible and at one with the world.  More than once, I found myself thinking, "this is living".

I stopped at Boondall to refill my water bottles and was set upon by the invisible biting bugs.  I thought about riding through to Sandgate, but the rational part of me intervened.  "You know, Max, you're feeling good now, but in 20Km or so, you might have a different view of things.  And you will need to turn around and ride home.  And MaxBabe can't come to pick you up because she's busy today.  So how about you just turn around now?".  I love the rational part of me.  I turned around and headed back.

The ride back was just as good as the ride out.  I kept riding through swarms of little midgey bugs (actually the whole ride was full of them), but managed not to swallow any nor get any in my eyes.  I arrived home feeling good, and glad I'd turned around when I had.

It was a great ride. 

These German chicks are outta control!  I, for one, welcome our new fixie-riding overlords!

I'm finally on leave.  FOUR WHOLE WEEKS!!!!  I want to get a heap of stuff done over the next few days so that I can get on with relaxing:

• Clean up the study.  It seems this room has become a dumping ground for all things cycling, clothes that don't fit anymore, TV/DVD/VCR that have been replaced with nicer ones etc... it's all either a) gotta go in the bin; b) gotta go to Vinnies or c) gotta be ebayed.  No ifs, buts, or maybes.  This room is fast running out of room.  What do you call a room with no room?
• Move all my computer crap from the room downstairs to the study.  I need to give my PC some loving, plus there's some games I bought months ago that I haven't yet touched.
• Ebay all the old motherboards, video cards, hard disks, servers, routers and switches that are taking up room downstairs.
• Lodge GD's BAS for last quarter
• Lodge GD's BAS for this quarter
• Figure out a way to do the company's tax return without having to fork out a fortune to the accountants
• And, come to think of it, wind up the company full stop.  Why have a Pty Ltd if it's not doing anything but costing money?
• I can't think of anything else, but I'm sure there's plenty.  Oh yeh.. gotta go for some long rides too!!! 

But right now, I've got me some hammock-lying and book-reading to do.  Oh, yeh.

Torvill and Dean have got nothing on this pair!!

The rental agency really has us over a barrel here.  There are very few places that will let us have a dog, so our choices are pretty much limited to start with.  We both want to stay on the Northside, which limits it even more.  So when the rent gets hiked up for the fourth time in a year, moving out is not exactly an option.

In response to this, MaxBabe declared to me this week that we should buy a house.  It's only taken six-and-a-bit years of subtle hinting and not-so-subtle prodding from me, but she's finally made the mental leap.  Yippee!  Financial times being what they are, not many lenders are willing to do the zero percent deposit thing anymore, which means we need to save 5-10% of the loan.. anywhere between $25K and $50K.  Urgh.  It seems impossible, but little by little, save here, scrimp there, I think we can do it.  Actually, it's not much different from losing weight.  30Kg seems huge, but over 16 months or so, I'm almost there.

So the mantra of the day is - little by little, bit by bit.  It'll all add up, and MaxBabe and I will eventually have our own home. 

heart... stopping...

It seems sometimes that the worse I eat, the better the results.  Yesterday, in a fit of self-destructive couldn't-care-less-ness, I decided to just eat whatever I wanted, calorie allocation be damned.  Last night's dinner was chicken kiev (complete with greasy crumb covering and garlic butter), mashed potatoes and veges.  Today, I have a .7Kg loss.  Go figure.

Today is the last day before holidays.  All I wanted to do this morning was stay in bed and just "phone it in".  I finally dragged myself out of bed at 0530.   Now it's 0615, and I find myself making deals with myself .. if I just get off my arse and get ready for work.. later I'll reward myself with X, Y and Z.  It's supposed to be an incentive to just get up and get ready and go to work, but the motivation is gone, gone I tell you!

Today will be spent mostly looking at spreadsheets, validating the data contained therein, and getting the respondents to fill in the bits they missed the first time.  Despite all my procrastination, the project is pretty much where I thought it would be prior to my holidays.  So it is likely that upon my return in four weeks (FOUR WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) that everything will be pretty much on an even keel.  I think that's pretty much the best I can hope for.

Best I choof off.  I'm stinky and need a shower, and the dog won't feed himself!

I just got a fantastic performance review.  My manager seems to think I'm wonderful.  Who knows how that happened, but he does.  It's a shame the company's got no money, so no bonus    Never mind.  TBH, much as the job shits me, I'm happy to have one at the moment.  A lot of people have lost theirs.

I'm now in count-down mode.  One more day, then I'm off for four weeks.  I'm already planning the rides I'll be doing prior to CQ.  YIPPEE!!!!!!! 

1.6Kg gain this week.  I'd like to be able to say I don't know why, but the answer is plain to see:  I've been eating badly, and I haven't been committed to exercising.  So it's my own damn fault really.  I am back into the Overweight range, after having maintained Ideal weight for so long (except Sydney, of course, we all know what happened there).  I know it's just a little bump on the road to weight loss, but I'm feeling really put out by it.  My motivation to keep up this effort is all but gone.  I long for the days where I could just lounge around on the couch, eating chocolates and biscuits and other crap, watching TV and doing sweet fuck-all.

MaxBabe says it's just one of those things, there'll be ups and downs and this is just an up in a very long series of downs.. and I know it's intellectually true, but it's still upsetting.  I've been at this thing for over a year now, and I just wish my body would settle, and maintain without this constant vigilance.  I find myself questioning if I can keep doing this for the rest of my life.

My CQ rider pack has arrived in the mail!  It's all very exciting!  I'm counting the days!!!! 

for this quote:  "We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."

I love this time of year.  The cusp between winter and spring.  It's just perfect.  Signs that it's coming on:

• I can have breakfast on the back deck.  I ate out on the deck this morning, and it was just magnificent.  Over the winter, it's easy to forget just how nice it can be to sit and watch the birdies fly and tweet and carry on.  But once it's warm enough in the mornings, having breakfast on the desk is just grand.
• The sun's getting up earlier.. which means I am too (I'm a seasonal sleeper, although this year for some reason I've maintained my early-rising sleeping habits throughout winter).  Watching the sun rise while having my deck breakfast, or whilst on a ride - magic.
• Sleeping in fewer than three layers of clothes.  Nothing says "here comes the warm weather" like sleeping in your boxers.
• It's still light when I get home.  This is truly the best part.  I feel like the day still has so much potential.
• Crickets chirping/froggies croaking.
• Morning rides can start earlier and require far less preparation (read: fewer layers)
• I can have a ride after work if I'm so inclined
• Driving in the mornings with the windows down
• Being able to drive without having to defrost any part of the car.
• It's not too hot yet, but the winter cold is definitely on the way out.  Daytime weather is just perfect for riding.

When I went outside today to drive to work, I took one look at the world and felt good.  I love this time of year.

Dear body,

Do we really need to have this conversation again?  I feed you properly, I exercise you, and what do you do in return?  You gain weight!  FUCK YOU!

Lots of love,

Max

So distracted was I by the telling of the crash-that-never-happened tale, that I forgot completely to mention that near the start of the outbound leg, I RAN OVER A SNAKE!!!!  A LIVE ONE!!!!!  It was near the crest of a hill, shaded by trees.  At first, I thought it was just a shadow on the ground.  By the time I realised it was a) moving, and b) a snake, I was pretty much on top of it.

The only thing I could do was try to avoid running over it, but the bloody thing was so long it stretched pretty much across the entire path.  In desperation, I swerved left and ended up running over its tail.  I was so panicked at that point that I almost lost control of the bike.  I ended up leaving the path, and let me tell you, going cross-country on skinny racing tyres is not a lot of fun.  My biggest fear at that point was that the wheel would get caught and that I'd get thrown over the bars, leaving me bruised and within striking distance of an angry, injured snake.

I somehow managed to get the bike back onto the path and pedalled like a crazy woman.  Come to think of it, it's entirely possible that's where the 175RPM cadence came from.  I stopped about 100m down the path, irrationally looking over my shoulder to make sure the snake wasn't chasing me down.  I pulled my phone out of my jersey pocket to send MaxBabe a message.  My hands were shaking so badly I couldn't operate the bloody thing!  I ended up standing there for a minute or so until finally the adrenalin subsided and I could send her a text, all the while looking over my shoulder.

The snake, of course, did not chase me down.  It wasn't there on the way back, so I can only assume it was only moderately injured, if at all.  For some reason, this incident with the snake freaked me out much more than the crash-that-never-happened, and also more than the incident with the red-bellied black snake that lives out near the airport.  I think the fact that I made actual contact with it is what freaked me out.  I'm just very glad that it didn't get mad about being run over, and also that it seems it was not badly hurt.

I went for my 40Km ride this afternoon.  Now I remember why I prefer early morning rides.  Fewer pedestrians, and particularly, fewer young kids.  I know the path is for everyone to use blah blah blah.. but it's tough to get a workout when you're stop/starting all the way and dodging unpredictable littlies on their first bike.  Thankfully, the pedestrians thin out once the Kedron Brook path becomes the Moreton Bay Cycleway.

The going was tough on the way out due to some strong headwinds, and I found myself regretting not turning back at the 10Km mark.  See, I'd pushed myself to do the 40Km ride on the basis that CQ is just around the corner and I need to get my Km's up etc.. anyway, so as I'm pushing along, struggling just to counter the wind, I'm thinking to myself, "Stupid CQ, stupid riding, stupid cycling, stupid wind".. basically just having a bit of an internal whinge.  I was able to keep up the internal monologue for the entire stretch along the Shultz Canal, which effectively distracted me from the effort involved.

When I got to the 20Km mark, I was feeling tired and sick and headachey and dizzy.  Gee, that sounds awfully like how I felt the other day when I didn't drink enough. Gee, look at that, the water bottle's been barely touched.  Seriously, will I ever learn???  I forced myself to drink a litre of water and had a few hundred mL of gatorade, washed down with some more water.  I refilled the bottle, stretched a bit, and set off on the return leg, telling myself I'd take it easy and just nurse the bike home.

Those of you who know me, or have ridden with me, or have just been keeping up with my cycling-related stories will probably already know what happened.  I did not just nurse the bike home.  I took it easy for a few minutes at most, got frustrated with going slow, and then thought, "Screw it, I'll just go hard and see how I go".

And boy, did I go.  I kicked it up to the 6th cog, and heard the chain start to "chatter" from being at too steep an angle.  That's my cue to jump onto the big chainring at the front and work on keeping the cadence up.  It was tough at first but I used my momentum to keep my feet turning, and between the effort and the tailwind (at least a headwind outbound means a tailwind inbound), I managed a new speed PB:  49.4Kph!!!!  I know it was assisted by the tailwind, but I don't care.  A PB is a PB, dammit!

I didn't realise it at the time, but I must've, at some point, really been pedalling fast.  I'm pretty sure it didn't happen whilst I was doing the speed PB (my feet were turning relatively slow at the time), but the computer recorded a top cadence of 175RPM!  For those of you who wonder what that means, it means I pedalled a full rotation of the cranks approximately 3 times per second.  I wish I'd been paying more attention to when it happened; for the life of me I can't remember pedalling that fast.  My feet would've been a blur LMAO!  After that, I was happy just to take it easy.  No.. really, I was!

I negotiated the shopping centre road as usual, then pulled up behind a car at the red lights.  Normally, I filter through to the front, so I can take off quickly and get out of peoples' way.  Why I didn't do it this time, I don't know.  In hindsight, it's obvious I should've done that.  Because...

When the lights turned green, the car in front of me turned left and I started to accelerate straight through the intersection.  One numb-nut driver, turning right from the other direction, turned in front of me.  I slowed down a tad but resumed my acceleration.  The retarded moronic brain-dead fool (I know this is supposed to be a family-friendly site, so I'm keeping it clean) behind him decided HE'D cut me off too.  It was too late for me to do anything but scream, and stick my arm out and yell "STOPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!".  Everyone in that intersection stopped and the world went into slow-motion.

Somehow, I'd unclipped my left foot in preparation for impact, and had come to a complete stop.  My right arm outstretched, my right foot still clipped in, my left foot holding me up, I watched as the driver realised what was about to happen and jam his brakes on.  The car's bumper was no more than a foot away from me when that car finally stopped.  It's the first time I've truly felt like I was going to die on my bike (despite previous hyperbole to that effect).

I screamed "FAR OUT!!!" at him, and rode off.  I didn't even have the presence of mind to curse at him, nor (what I really wanted to do) to give him a lecture about giving way.  I rode away feeling a bit scared, but mostly angry.  I screamed an indecipherable "UARUAAAURRHGGHHH!" as I rode off.  It was only then that I noticed a pedestrian, an innocent bystander if you will, had stopped and seen it all.  She was clutching her throat in terror at what might've been.  And, by then, I also realised what might've been.

I rode home angry, charging up the hated hill, and got cut off by yet another (*&@#$ retarded driver who does not understand how to give way.  I'm &(^@# tired of them.  Cyclists get treated like second-class citizens on the road, and I've had an absolute fragging gutful of it.

Ok, I've just realised I'm still angry about it, so I must stop posting now.  What I'd like you to take away from this story is this:  Upon reflection, it's possible the driver didn't see me until it was almost too late (the guy before him, on the other hand, had clear view of me and is, by definition, a turd).  Had I been at the front of the line, this never would've happened.  When confronted with a set of red lights, you should (and are legally allowed to) filter to the front of the line.  Sit yourself on or just after the white line (this allows cars behind you to trigger the sensor).  Be ready to accelerate hard out of the intersection, and get out of the way of the cars that are behind you once you're beyond the intersection.  This behaviour will prevent the type of incident I've described above.

I have to go now.  I'm sitting here typing in my stinky nicks and jersey.  MaxBabe refused to give me comforting cuddles because I smell bad!  So best I choof off and have a shower, and with any luck, I'll have forgotten my anger at the crash-that-never-was, and remember how good it felt to smash my previous speed PB

Dave Moulton - an interesting blog!

I've updated to the latest and greatest version of b2evo.  Finally, it contains a decent WYSIWYG editor.  It's tinyMCE, which I don't mind, but would've preferred FCKedit.  Anyway, it's better than it was.  However, it has introduced some new quirks, including breaking the blog theme I was using.  Grr/meh.  So I've changed the theme.  I'm hoping that my plugins still work.  I'm sure I'll find out in due course.

Cycle Queensland 2009 is less than a month away! For months, it's been just "later this year". Now it's "in a few weeks". I'm taking four weeks off work for it. Next week is my last week at work before going on leave. I'll have a couple weeks before the event to get some long rides in to get my legs into the swing of things. Then it's nine days of cycling bliss, followed by a week off for recovery. Yeehar!!

This is absolutely hysterical!!!

... and its name is Arnott's Mint Slice. 3 down, and if I don't do something soon, the packet will be GONE.

Must... exercise... self-control...

This news.com.au article describes a man who let hundreds of animals starve to death.

He's been sentenced to a whopping17 to 25 months in jail. Oh yeah, he's been banned from owning animals for ten years, and has been ordered to pay the RSPCA $250K. But, because he is conveniently bankrupt, the RSPCA will never see that money, and the sum total punishment for his crimes will be a 2-year jail term.

Pathetic.

Edit: Ok, that's it. I need to stop reading the news.

Edit v2: I know I said I'd stop.. now I know why I should've.

Can you imagine coming back to your bike to find THAT?!!

Edit: That article links to this SomethingAwful thread. OMG!

I had given thought to going for a ride this morning. In order to go for a ride in the mornings, I must be gone by 0515, 0530 at the latest. This means I'm back by 0630 and can generally rush through my morning routine in order to get to work on time.

The problem with early morning rides in the winter is, funnily enough, that it's bloody cold. I try to get around this by preparing my gear the night before, so that the only thing I need to do is stand in front of the heater, disrobe, dress myself, and GO! But when it is so cold that even in bed, under the covers, complete with warmth-radiating bed partner, tracky dacks, jumper, shirt, shorts and socks.. even with all of that, you're STILL COLD... going for a bike ride is out of the question. Instead, I've added yet another useless post to my blog, and have used 159 words and two paragraphs to say what could just as easily have been said by writing "It's too cold to ride". But where's the fun in brevity?

Oh, and I'm back to my pre-Sydney weight. Very happy about that.

FatCyclist's wife, Susan, has finally passed away after a long battle with breast cancer. I stumbled across his blog some time ago and have occasionally checked in to see how she's been going. His blog has been a very frank, open and sometimes painful thing to read. Susan inspired him to expand his blog from a cyclist's personal page into a cancer awareness/fundraising page. If you have a few dollars to spare, make a donation to the LiveStrong foundation.

I consider myself fortunate that I've never known anyone who's had cancer, let alone been part of their fight. Fatty's journal has been a candid record of one family's struggle with the disease. It's something I hope I never have to go through.

Rest in peace, Susan.

Lately, the following things have been disproportionately pissing me off:

Loose != Lose. Biggest Loser Club members, I'm looking at you! It's written on every single fucking page in a huge banner, and you STILL get it wrong! You are not big loosers. You are big losers. Please don't make me call you Losers with a capital L.

Alot (not even a word!) != A lot. Most common usage: "Over the years, I've gained alot of weight". No you bloody haven't. Perhaps you should've spent some of those years looking in a dictionary.

There != Their != They're. Do we really need to go over this again? Let me use all these words in a phrase: "Look! Over there! They're playing with their dog!".

Your != You're. Contractions seem to be a challenge for people. "You're a loser. You really need to work on your spelling."

Weather != Whether. Actually, this reminds me of a Simpsons episode, in which Lisa attends a spelling bee competition. The whole thing is rigged, and some poor kid is made to spell "weather/whether". When he can't discern which "weather/whether" he needs to spell, he asks the MC to use it in a sentence. The sentence? "I don't know whether the weather will improve.". Poor kid never had a chance.

Wander != Wonder. Example phrases include: "I wonder if people will ever learn how to spell?", followed closely by "He wandered over a cliff, falling a thousand feet into a fiery pit, wherein, during his death throes, he located a dictionary and finally learnt that he should have merely wondered what was at the bottom of the cliff."

Anything that has been pluralised though application of apostrophe s. Eg: Loser's.

Proof that I have finally become Old (with a capital O): Back in my day, schools actually taught kids how to spell. And it was drummed into us that it was important. We were graded on these things and some of us were even sent to remedial classes with teachers' aides who spent quality time helping us learn. We all knew the difference between "their/there/they're". Kids these days.....

[/end rant]

Dear moronic co-worker,

If I have taken remote control of your computer, and am in the middle of applying updates to it, do not take that as an opportunity to switch the bloody thing off. There's a reason I locked the console. There's a reason it says it can only be unlocked by me. It's not to frustrate you. It's to stop you from fucking around with it while I've stepped away from my computer.

This is particularly irritating because I was downloading these updates over the world's slowest bloody link, and I can be pretty much guaranteed that the download was at 99% when you decided to switch your fucking computer off.

You fucking-well knew the computer was in the middle of something. At your bloody request! Did you think I was troubleshooting it just for the fun of it? Of course bloody not. Tomorrow, guess what? We will have to start those fucking downloads all over again, from scratch! HA! Jam that up your clacker. And keep the hell away from the power button.

Lots of love,
Max.

I resisted LOLcats. I resisted I Can Has Cheezburger. But I Has A Hot Dog.com has grabbed me and won't let go. The level of cute is off the chart.

So in the spirit of things, I present to you MitchMutt's very own LOL:

moar funny pictures

Every Friday night, the Animal Planet channel has an "animal cops" night. Basically, three TV shows, one after the other, of various RSPCA-like organisations in the US. There's one based in Phoenix, Arizona. Every time I've watched it, I've been shocked, and I mean absolutely SHOCKED, at just how fucked up some pet owners can be. Ticks seem to be quite a problem in Phoenix:

This puppy was rescued from a neglectful owner. All those lumps in her ear are ticks. TICKS. The investigator described her as being at death's door. This photo doesn't do justice to just how bad it was.

In another episode, a dog was found with half its leg missing. Bone protruded where the bottom half of its leg had once been. It was tied to a tree, so it's not like the owner didn't know there was a problem. They just didn't bloody care.

Un-PC though it might be, I think people who treat animals like this ought to be put to death. The world doesn't need more uncaring, selfish, neglectful people. I know saying that probably makes me a hypocrite (being that a caring, unselfish person wouldn't recommend the death penalty), but I just don't care. This really burns me up.

I'm halfway through losing the weight I regained last week - back into "ideal" range now at 69.2Kg. I'm pleased that I didn't have to do any actual exercise to make that happen too (except a small ride last weekend). Talk about lazy, huh?

Work's been somewhere between OK and blah. Nothing too exciting, good or bad, has happened. I've been doing some pretty tedious antivirus compliance work. McCrappy's ePO product is fine but its agents and software aren't as resilient as they could be. Anyway, there's been a lot of piecemeal hand-holding to get machines back on track.

BestMate has been dealing with yet more Citrix headaches and I've decided it's time I learnt about Citrix. As usual, I am about ten years behind everyone else in making this decision. I need a Citrix for Dummies book, I think. Actually, I'm pretty sure there really is a Citrix for Dummies book. How scary is that! The problem is, I don't even know enough about Citrix to know just how dumb I am. That's also scary.

MaxBabe is going away for the weekend to a reunion of her nursing school. It's been TWENTY YEARS!!! Who knew she was that old?

Anyway.. not much else to report. Hoping to get in a long ride this weekend. CQ is not far away and I need to get my mileage up!

The weight I put on in Sydney is coming off, thank Og. Without much effort too, which is the best part! )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

My hip and knee have been hurting the last few days, making me very unenthusiastic about riding. CQ is not even two months away. I just don't know what I'm going to do if my hip keeps carrying on like this.

Edit: Cylist gets shot in head for daring to use the road. What. The. Fuck.

Another day, another gain. I'm well into overweight territory. Sigh. I wish spring would hurry up and come along so that early morning rides aren't such a pain to prepare for. At least then I'd be less reluctant about getting out on the bike. Obsessed much about your weight, Max?

On an unrelated note, I didn't think it would be possible to get bored with the interwebs, but it turns out that it is. I've spent this morning not exercising, but web browsing (perhaps this is not so unrelated after all). Webmail? Check. Biggest Loser site? Check. Bicycles Network Australia? Check. Failblog? Check. Hmm. I've run out of sites to visit. Maybe I should've gone out on the bike after all.

Well, the trip to Sydney was as expected - boring at times, interesting at times, mostly same-old, same-old. The bad news is that the food at the Stamford has improved significantly, and I spent much of my time over-eating. Result: a 2Kg gain that has put me back into the "overweight" category. Fuckit. I guess it's back on the bike for me.

What a great ride!! Overall, I felt like I rode exceptionally well. I managed to keep a high cadence for the most part, I passed lots of people on the flats, and surprisingly, a lot of people on the hills too. I think I really found a sweet spot combination of cadence and gearing, because I felt like I could sustain it without getting too tired. Shame I have no idea what gear I was in at the time!!

We had a break at Wynnum and set off again. I did myself no favours by not having enough to drink, and around 15Km of the return trip was spent experiencing painful cramps above my knees. At one point, I clicked my left foot out and put it down on the ground. This set all the muscles in my leg off, and the next thing I knew, my leg muscles forced my leg totally straight and I could not bend it at all! I had to use my hands to force the leg to bend, after which the cramps finally released.

I had to take the rest of the ride pretty easy. That said, my riding has improved out of sight since last year's Brissie to Bay. I didn't walk up any hills, and didn't stop nearly as often as I did last time. Mental note for next time: DRINK, you stupid woman!!!

I also saw a pretty impressive crash. We were going down a long hill with a long sweeping right turn at the bottom. Some fool decided to tear down the hill and take the corner way too fast. The bike slid out of from under him, and he went straight under the wheels of another cyclist. Poor guy had no choice but to run right over him. He somehow managed to stay upright, and the guy who'd come off his bike walked away without serious injuries. I reckon he'll be sore tomorrow though!

I'm travelling to Sydney tomorrow, and staying there all week for team meetings. I'm not really looking forward to it. Three days have been committed to training sessions with 3Com, which I guess is fine.. but really, three days? For a switch? Famous last words: Just how complicated can it be? Somehow I also need to fit in regular scheduled teleconferences and a few ad-hoc ones thrown in for good measure. No amount of begging for rescheduling of the ad hoc ones resulted in a change.. so I get to teleconf while trying to do all the other stuff I'm being sent to Sydney to do. On the two non-3Com days, we have to fit in team planning sessions, in which we are supposed to brainstorm and come up with ideas for stuff we should do this financial year. Problem: We do this every year, and at the end of every year when we review what we've actually done, it's inevitably worlds apart from the original plan. I know we need a plan, but historically we just don't seem to stick to it, and the planning sessions end up feeling like imposed wastes of time. I can only draw one of two conclusions: 1. We are clueless boobs who couldn't organise a root in a brothel; or 2. Planning is a waste of time. Personally, I'm going with option 1.

GreenSight has been letting people go, left right and centre. It's being done gradually, so you just don't notice it's happened until long after the fact. Most of the people being let go are either taking early retirement or redundancies. In other words, the most experienced people are leaving the business. I can't help but wonder how the business will operate once the financial climate improves. I also can't help but wonder when our business unit's IT department will start getting pruned. BestMate and I have been secretly hoping for redundancies, but I don't think it will happen. So far, the people on contract have been let go. Mostly these people were hired for a specific purpose, and I guess we can live without them.. but then what? I'm worried the beancounters will start slicing and dicing. Will my job be next? BestMate's? My team members'? We've worked together for years. The thought of any of them being let go is very disheartening.

Another reason I'm not particularly looking forward to the trip is because the people in Sydney haven't seen me in eons, and will inevitably gush about my weight loss. Look.. I know I've lost a lot of weight, and that I should be proud/pleased/happy etc with it.. but the fact is I'm very uncomfortable with people drawing attention to it. Compliments are kinda hard to take. Why is that? That said, my plan is to wear all my "thin" clothes this week. I happen to look kinda hot in most of this stuff, which of course draws attention to my weight loss. Seriously, WTF. Do I want attention or do I want to be ignored? I cannot have my cake and eat it too.

Speaking of cake, I haven't recorded any of my food/exercise in the diary the last few days. I just feel like I'm totally over it all.. the calorie counting, the exercising, the focus on energy in vs energy out. I just don't want to think about it. That, and my body just doesn't seem to a) want to lose any more weight, which TBH is fine with me and b) only seems to lose weight when I totally overeat. Which has put me in a "it doesn't matter if I overeat because I'll lose weight anyway" mentality, which has actually seen me binge eat a couple times this week. Ie eating to soothe a mental demon, not because I'm actually hungry. This is not good, and all it means is that I'm really not at the end of the process yet. As ready as I might feel, I realy do need to keep monitoring my intake/output and weight. I'm just not mentally/emotionally ready to stop.

The good news about the Sydney trip is that the hotel a) serves ridiculously BAD food, to the point that it's barely edible, and b) has a fantastic gym. I might use this as an opportunity to get back into the swing of things.

I woke up at around 0115 today. I then tossed and turned until around 0400, then passed out into blissful, welcome sleep. My alarm went off at 0445. I feel like crap. Urgh. Whinge, bitch, moan.

A folding bike helmet. FOLDING.

I really should set my spam filter to auto-delete things it detects as spam. But the fact is that there is a small part of me that is thoroughly entertained by some of the subject lines in the spam I receive. Eg:

It doesn't matter if you're stupid and ugly if you have a massive rod
Guys with big devices never have to lick up for their fault
A big penis always matches any woman's hole
Ladies need pounding!

I know they're stupid. I know they're dumb. But damn, they're funny too! )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

Want to own your very own pro cycling team? Well, now you can.

The week has been pretty craptacular so far. In the words of Bart Simpson, "I didn't think it was possible, but this both sucks and blows!". )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> Poor BestMate is getting hammered with ERP server support issues, and I, in true best mate style, have been trying to keep a low profile so that it doesn't find its way into my lap. I am grateful that for once, I'm not the poor bastard lumped with that sort of thing. BestMate, if you're reading this.. I'm sorry, I really am. But right now, I'm glad it's you and not me.

My hip has been feeling better overall, although the last day or two it's felt a little tight. I went for a ride yesterday morning (or was it the morning before? I can't remember) and it was just marvellous. For some reason, I found myself awake at 0400, snoozed a bit, then got out of bed at 0430. Even without looking out the window, I knew it'd be a great morning for a ride. So I threw my bike gear on, threw lights onto the bike, and off I went. It was magic. But today I'm feeling a little worse for wear. I'm trying to keep mobile so I don't lose form (more form than I've already lost from being off the bike altogether, that is). The MS ride is next weekend, and CQ is not far away at all. I need to get some long rides in, especially as it draws closer to the CQ ride.

Speaking of CQ, I went to Anaconda on the weekend and bought a few bits and pieces. Specifically, I got myself a sleeping bag (rated to -10!), a travel pillow, and a Camelbak backpack. Much as I love my new bike, it has one flaw, which is that I cannot carry all the stuff I used to carry in my panniers. So the Camelbak is a compromise. I don't plan to carry much, but at least I'll be able to carry it without worrying about how I'm going to cram it into a saddle bag or into my pockets. I plan to take the Camelbak out for a test run on the weekend, when I do the Samford/Dayboro round trip with BestMate. Speaking of test runs, I tried the sleeping bag out the night before last. It was really good! I was a bit worried that the polyester fill wouldn't be as capable as (much more expensive) down, but it was just fine. I even had to take my socks off and unzip the bag as I was getting a little too toasty. There's one problem with sleeping bags, though, which is that it's awfully tough to get them back into their carry bags. One requires the strength of Hercules, the patience of Mother Teresa and an understanding of physics surpassed only by Archimedes himself. If you do not possess these characteristics, then you will have to do what I did: resort to cursing, screaming, punching the sleeping bag, kicking its carry bag, yelling at the dog for sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, sitting on the bag in the hopes of compressing it, then finally giving up any hope of returning it to its factory state. Then, just jam the crap out of it until it's finally back in its carry bag.

I took The Beast back to the shop today for its first service. Not only did they do the service, they also gave it a clean and it looks like a million bucks now! I also raised with them the discrepancy between what they quoted me and what they actually charged me for the bike. The guy said he'd have a talk to the sales guy and would let me know what happened there. Cynically, I can almost predict that they will give me some story about how that was the price for the floor model, or maybe last year's model, or maybe they had to charge me extra freight or somesuch. I hope that they don't do that, but if they do.. so be it. Serves me right for not noticing it sooner. In any case, I'm not going to get it distract me from how much I like my bike!

The guy suggested I watch the TdF. I told him I was a little reluctant after having watched the Olympics road races last year. Truth be told, I found it boring as hell, and much as I'm ashamed to admit this, I actually enjoyed watching it when the women had a big crash halfway through. There's hours of my life I won't get back. But.. cut a long story short, he reckoned it's worlds apart and I should watch it blah blah.. so I've set it up to record. At least if it's boring I can fast forward it, or maybe even invent my own dialogue, or both. Fast forward with improv dialogue == cheap laughs. I can already predict MaxBabe's eye-rolls will be epic, EPIC I TELL YOU!!!!

This is why MitchMutt would never be a police dog. Criminal? What criminal? Oh! I thought we were just going for a run!!

It's a perfect day for cycling - blue skies, not too hot, not too cold. So why the hell aren't I out riding?

So... I've just realised I seem to start my blog posts with "So...". I shall make an effort to stop using such craptacular english.

Now - on to the purpose of this blog post. I recently asked members of the BNA forums to entertain me. One of the responses referred me to failblog.org. OMG, this is hysterical! The sort of stupid shit people do knows no bounds. Better still, the sort of stupid shit people do, and are silly enough to record for all to see There's just too much hilarity for me to summarise in this post. Just click the link and have some LULZ, mmkay?

This is one of the coolest cycling accessories I've seen in a while:

A "Winkku" cycling mirror with indicator and front/rear lights built in. The only thing I find myself wondering is - how heavy is this thing and, just how "universal" is the univeral fitting? They mention an attachment for drop-bar bikes, but there's not a photo to be seen. But, let's face it, if you're riding a totally cool sleek racing bike.. are you really going to want this thing on it anyway? But who cares? This is perfect for a commuter on a flatbar roadie. Nice one, Winkku.

So, I'm watching a Pavarotti concert on Foxtel. I recorded this ages ago and had kind of put off watching it purely because MaxBabe doesn't like opera. Anyway, she's at hockey training tonight, and I was in the mood, so here we are. Anyway. Long story short.. Pavarotti was a bit of a show-pony wanker, wasn't he? I mean, no doubt he was an outstanding tenor. But he was a bit of wanker on stage. After each song, he stands on stage and grins like a madman at the crowd, nodding and waving his arms, encouraging them to clap. It's like there's a voice in his head screaming at the audience, "CLAP, DAMN YOU!!! GIVE ME APPLAUSE!!!! IDOLISE MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!". I reckon he would've been really high-maintenance.

In saying all of that.. damn, what a voice. I wish I'd had the opportunity to see him perform. Right now, he's belting out "Vesti La Giubba". No idea what it means or what it's about, but it doesn't matter. It's awfully good. He was a damn fine singer.

So, GD is dead. I closed the site down last night. I'm conflicted about it. On the one hand, I'm sad and disappointed about it. On the other hand, I know it was the right decision to make. Some positives have come from the experience, namely learning PHP, MySQL, Linux and a bunch of other cool stuff. So it's not all bad. And I did enjoy the operational aspects of the business (maintaining/modifying the site, dealing with customers etc). Never mind, such is life etc.

The weather has been shite the last few days. I really want to get out on the bike. Right now, The Beast is acting as a glorified clothes line, serving to store my cold/wet weather riding gear (which, ironically, is dry, because I don't want to go out into the cold and rain). My hip is also quite sore, so no riding for me today. I'm hoping to get out there tomorrow. I think I will clean The Beast and The Noble Steed today.

Work has been particularly stressful this week. A new ERP system being rolled out in the business totally shat itself a few days ago. Between the database being badly configured, the application itself generating naughty queries, the application servers being totally underspecced and finally, Citrix shitting itself, the whole thing is just hosed. The only saving grace is that I'm totally at arm's length from it, and poor Best Mate is instead the poor bastard dealing with the infrastructure side of it. Poor, poor, poor Best Mate.

So, it's been a while since I've posted a Max's Guide To Cycling For N00bs. So here is part 4, a discussion of cycling apparel. Today's MGTCFN discusses cycling shorts.

In my lifetime, I've cycled in many forms of clothing. As a kid, I wore whatever happened to be the clothing du jour. School day? I'm wearing my school uniform. Just finished a soccer match? I'm wearing my team colours, complete with studded shoes. Lazing around the house? I'm wearing my daggiest. As a kid, it never seemed to matter what I was wearing. So long as I was on my bike, I was happy.

As an adult, it's another story. At first, I couldn't bear to be seen in lycra. I mean, that's what cyclists wear, isn't it? The thought of horrifying the world with my overweight body jammed into tight shorts was just too much to contemplate. So I wore regular clothes. Sports shorts and T-shirts, that sort of thing. The problem with this, however, is that an exercising adult tends to sweat. Regular T-shirts become saturated, and wet cotton rubbing against skin can be very unpleasant. Multiply this by infinity when referring to shorts. There is also the matter of bum pain (courtesy of a hard seat coupled with a bum that's not used to it).

Cycling clothing (also sometimes referred to as "technical clothing") is designed for a specific purpose - to make riding more comfortable.

Knicks (aka bike shorts) are typically made from lycra, and contain padding in the bum and crotch area. There are merits to wearing regular lycra knicks (cycling lingo for "we don't just call shorts shorts, OK?"). Their skin-tight attributes prevent chafing caused by the rubbing of your legs against the seat, top tube, or even each other. Should you happen to come off your bike, the lycra will help a) keep your skin together and b) protect against road/gravel rash. Prices can range from $20 to over $200. So what's the difference?

Cheap knicks are usually made of two or four panels of fabric. This generally means that they conform less to your own body shape and more to whatever shape they want to take. This also means the material does not support your skin or muscles properly, reducing the overall effectiveness of the shorts. They are also more likely to cause chafing. More expensive knicks generally contain 8 panels of material, improving their conformance to your body shape. This results in higher comfort levels. Some people will have no problem with knicks on the cheaper end of the scale. Some people will find they are more comfortable in more expensive knicks. It is a personal choice and should be dictated by comfort.

Another important component of knicks is, of course, the chamois (cycling lingo for "bum padding"). Predictably, cheaper knicks will contain a thin chamois. This padding is often quite generic in shape - it will go from ace to base and that's it. More expensive knicks contain somewhat thicker padding. Importantly, more padding does not necessarily mean more comfort. Too much padding will have you feeling like you're wearing these:

You'll find that more expensive knicks contained layered/tapered chamois - meaning that there is more than one layer; it's thinner near the leg area than the bum area; and that it is shaped to conform to the body's shape. Also, it will be made of high-tech material that resists.. how shall I put this.. bacterial buildup. Nobody wants to ride in stinky knicks.

Gentlemen: Lycra can be somewhat.. revealing. There is nothing worse than seeing some bloke walking around with the family jewels on display. Trust me, I've been to enough mass cycling events to know that there are some things that do not need to be put "out there". I've also seen enough examples of gentlemen in lycra to know that there is such a thing as cycling knicks that do not reveal you to the world. Modesty is key. You do NOT want to be these guys:

There is a downside to lycra knicks (as if the above example wasn't enough). For the larger crowd, there is something you need to know: Cycling clothing is designed for people built like rakes. Even XXXL in mens' sizes will barely fit a size 18-20 woman. So what's a regular punter to do, if they don't want to look like a walrus vacuum-packed into Lance Armstrong's undies? Nobody wants to be this guy:

I'm pleased to report that the cycling world has realised that not all its members are fans of lycra. Let me introduce you to the Shy Short:

Shy shorts look like regular shorts. They are sometimes also referred to as mountain bike shorts. They are usually knee length but also come in shorter and longer varieties. To the untrained eye, they have the appearance of looking like regular baggy shorts. But deep within, they contain a chamois and an inner liner with elasticised grippers (so they don't ride up). They also have the added benefit of featuring pockets and other such conveniences.

Shy shorts come in many shapes and sizes:

If you can't find shorts you like, you can even buy undershorts that can be worn under any regular shorts:

Having been the victim of cheap shy shorts, I'll tell you what to look out for. First of all, you want the inner short to contain gripper on the ends of the legs (ironically, I don't know the technical term for leg-ends. Maybe it's "leg ends".). This will prevent the inner from riding up and wadding up around your thighs. Secondly, you'll want the pockets to zip up. Otherwise your keys, mobile phone, wallet and other precious valuables will fall out en route, leaving you unable to get into your house, unable to call the locksmith and unable to pay the locksmith (having used your neighbour's phone to call him in). You'll wind up sitting on the front step with your bike and dog keeping you company, waiting for your other half to get home to let you in. Too bad if you're single. You'll be camping out until you find your keys, wallet and phone. Finally, get shorts made of a material you like. Some shorts are very "rough" in that they're intended for actual mountain biking. Their emphasis is on durability. Other shorts are made of softer material that is designed to look good both on and off the bike. The choice is yours.

The next MGTCFN will discuss jerseys and shoes. After that, I'll write about something close to my heart. ACTUALLY RIDING!!!!!

So.. this global financial crisis sucks. And it's made things worse for GD overall. I've pretty much decided I need to close the doors on it. It's run at a signficant loss for many months/years now, and I just can't see it improving. I've done all I can afford to do (time-wise and $$$-wise) to increase its turnover, but I think I'm flogging a dead horse. And my motivation to see it through just isn't there anymore.

I'm pretty sad about it. I invested a lot of time and effort into getting the site operational, getting the business on its feet, and of course actually doing business with it. But it just aint there anymore. The worst part is that GD has distracted me from the original purpose of the business, to the extent that I've completely dropped that side of it in favour of GD. So, to summarise: Loss-making operation that has taken the place of the original purpose of the business. Yeh, good move there Max. Of course, I thought it was a good idea at the time - like all my past failures - so I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. The next time I decide it would be a good idea to run a business, can somebody please remind me of my last two failed ventures, and also remind me that third time is not usually the charm?

So... I went out for a ride this morning. I knew last night that it'd be a cold one, so I got everything organised ahead of time, so I wouldn't be able to pike because it's all too hard etc. So I got up at 0445, sat in front of the heater, sat my clothes in front of the heater, shivered, and donned my winter cycling gear: undies, short-sleeved jersey, arm warmers, long-sleeved jersey, wind-breaker vest, wooly gloves, knicks, shorts, leg warmers with the shorts tucked in, bootees, neck roll and yellow-tinted glasses.

AND I WAS STILL BLOODY COLD!!!!!!!!!! About 10 metres into the ride, my fingers (encased in the magical, special, wind-resistant, cold-resistant wooly gloves) started crying from the pain of the cold. HTFU, I told myself, and kept riding. About 200m down the road, I went down a hill. Oh, the cold. The wind. The agony. I kept riding. My fingers were screaming blue bloody murder at me at the 1Km mark. I pressed on for another 500m before my fingers declared they would carry out a mutiny if I didn't take them home straight away. I took their threat seriously, and turned back. The climb near my house was done standing, in third gear. Let's just say I was motivated to get home!!! By the time I got home, I couldn't use my hands as they'd frozen over. I fumbled for my keys and let myself in. Thank god the dog had gone back to bed because I wouldn't have been able to deal with him carrying on. So here I sit, still in my cycling attire, typing instead of riding. At least I can feel my fingers now!

Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community. After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while. So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village.

The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax. So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the vet suggested.. After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet.

The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel. They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.

When It was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boastful voice said:

'And that, me son, is how ya waves a fookin' towel!'

Well folks, you haven't lived until you've ridden through hail. I took The Beast for a ride with my mum around Currumbin today. We went up through the Currumbin hinterland/forest area, past the rock pools and further out. We stopped briefly at the rock pools to have a bit of a stretch. I heard thunder. Mum turned to me and said, "looks like it might rain". We kept riding. Three minutes into it, the heavens opened and it started piss-pouring down. Fine, a bit of water, sucks to be us. Anyway, we decided to stop and don arm/leg warmers, then turned back. 500m into it, the cold wind snapped up, and the rain turned into hail. ()*&(AT)#$&#!!!!!!!!!!!!! The sound of hail hitting my helmet and glasses was surpassed only by the pain of it smacking into my face at 30Kph. GRRRRAAARRRGHHHH!!!!!!!!!! We pulled over to find shelter at the rock pools. While there, my mum needed help with something or other, so I leaned my bike up against one of the picnic seats and turned around to help her. A GUST OF WIND BLEW IT OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My precious, brand new, never been so much as looked at the wrong way bike!!!! DAMN YOU HEAVENS! DAMN YOU NATURE!!! DAMN YOU WIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shook there impotently waving an angry fist at nature when my mum decided the weather was as good as it was going to get. And so, we rode back home, saturated, hailed upon and cold. 3Km from home, mum got a flat. Fine. Pulled over, inspected tyre, changed tube. Realised after tube had been changed that the valve was the wrong length. Fine, change tube again. Hissing sound upon inflation. Inspected tyre again, couldn't find anything, found a sharp bit in the rim. Put a bandaid over the sharp bit, changed tube AGAIN, inflated, hissing sound. Finally found the stone that had caused one of the punctures. Meanwhile, I'm freezing my tits off, standing around on the side of the road while mum's dicking about with the three tube changes. After the third unsuccessful tube change, she'd run out of tubes and we decided it was all too hard, and walked the rest of the way home.

Oh my fucking god. I just saw the film clip for Pink's "Sober". Featuring totally hot Pink-on-Pink girlie action. Seriously.. you need to find this film clip somewhere. Youtube, P2P, virus-ridden-pirated-software.com.. I don't care where you find it. Just find this clip and WATCH IT!!!!!!

The eagle has landed!!!!!!!!! I picked my bike up last night. It's beeaaauuutiful, and weighs nanograms. Everything on it is bright and shiny and sparkly. The boys at the shop set her up very nicely, hooked up all my gizmos etc. I'm taking her (it's a "her" apparently. I've never referred to a bike in this way. Perhaps I'm loving it just a little too much..) for a spin Saturday morning with my best mate. Sort of a shake-down ride to get my head around how to operate the gears, brakes etc. I can't wait! TWO MORE SLEEEEEEEPPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

To make a very long story short... I's gots me a new bike!

It's a Cannondale Synapse Carbon Feminine 4. I had actually completely excluded this bike from my shortlist, but it ended up being the one for me. I'm waaaaaaaaaay too tired to write any more about it now.. so you'll just have to enjoy the picture for now!

Edit: Stupid blog cut off the photo.. click the link for more info.

Been feeling a bit low lately. Don't feel like posting, don't feel like writing MGTCFN, don't feel like doing much of anything. I've been off the bike for almost two weeks now and that's pissing me off too. Got a bike fitting done earlier this week, I really should write a heap of stuff about it but.. couldn't be arsed. No motivation for anything right now. Going bike shopping tomorrow, but almost couldn't be bothered with that either. Sigh.

Welcome to MGTCFN, Part 3. I was going to deal with cycling clothing today, but due to popular demand, this guide will instead be about getting a disused bike back onto the road. This bit is really important: If you are in any doubt whatsoever as to whether you are skilled enough to perform these tasks, or - more importantly - if you don't want to get your hands dirty with grease and muck, take your bike to the local bike shop (LBS) for a service.

Bicycles contain a number of mechanical parts that require tools. Many people have the basics - a set of allen keys, a set of screwdrivers. If you don't have these and don't want to spend money on buying them, take your bike to the LBS.

By virtue of containing mechanical parts, bicycles can sometimes be more complex than the average person realises. If you ever feel out of your depth, or feel that you might break more than you fix, take your bike to the LBS. You do NOT want to find out that your "hunch" about how to adjust the brakes turned out to be wrong. Especially if you're riding down Mt Everest and have reached terminal velocity. In this case, the term "terminal" refers to your life expectancy.

Now that I've got those disclaimers out of the way..

If you're new to bikes, or perhaps new to bicycle maintenance, it's useful to know the names of the various parts of your bike. Check out Bicycle Anatomy For Beginners. If you intend to do any regular maintenance, I can highly recommend Zinn's Art Of Road Bike Maintenance and the Mountain Bike equivalent. There's even one for you Triathlon freaks. Your local library will undoubtedly have books on bicycle maintenance too, so drop in and say hi to the librarians.

Cleaning
The first thing you should do is to clean your bike. This will remove any accumulated dirt, cobwebs etc. It will also allow you to see any damage to the frame, drivetrain and other components. You can wash your bike with a soft sponge/cloth, a stiff brush and regular car wash soap, and rinse it with fresh water. You can use bicycle-specific cleansing products if you prefer. Whatever you choose, it doesn't need to be heavy-duty - just strong enough to remove the crud that has accumulated. When "watering" your bike, do not use hose pressure to force water into any part of the bike. Doing so may force water into bearings (particularly the bottom bracket) which can seriously reduce your bike's life (and in turn, perhaps yours).

A video on how to clean your bike:
An old guy who does all his videos in full cycling kit. If watching an old dude dressed in spandex bothers you, try focusing on his face. Alternatively, you might like to do what I do, which is to imagine him in a clown suit. In any case, he provides a nice simple method of washing your bike.

Having cleaned the bicycle's frame, take the time to inspect the frame for rust, cracks and any other structural damage. A catastrophic frame failure at any speed could at best be very painful, and at worst, end up killing you. If you find anything that looks dodgy, take your bike to the LBS.

The part of your bike that takes your pedal strokes and turns them into forward momentum is called the drivetrain. This includes the front chainrings (AKA the cranks), the chain, the rear cogs (cassette) and the front and rear derailleurs. This part of the bike needs to be kept cleaned and properly lubricated. So, step two is to get your drivetrain clean and lubed. If your chain and drivetrain are relatively clean already, you should follow the method described by the Bicycle Tutor web site. To clean the chain, you'll need some degreaser (supercheap has this for.. well.. super cheap) and a bunch of rags. If your bike's chain and/or drivetrain are pretty cruddy, I suggest using a stiff brush and mild soap on the cogs and chainrings at the same time that you do your overall bike clean (ie do it as part of step 1). Follow that up with a degreasing/cleaning as demonstrated in the BicycleTutor.com video. Once you're done cleaning the chain and the chainrings and cogs, you should apply a lubricant. Again, BicycleTutor.com's video shows you how.

I really should've said this up front, but I guess this will catch those of you who skipped ahead. Cleaning a bicycle can be a non-messy thing to do. I say can, because whilst I know it's technically possible for one to remain clean whilst cleaning one's bicycle, my experience has been that one should not wear one's Sunday best. You should also know that despite your best efforts, you will get grease and crud on your hands. If you're not careful, you'll end up looking like that guy from KISS. Not the Simmons guy, this one:

During the cleaning and lubrication of your chain, you might encounter a stiff chain link. BicycleTutor.com, ever the saviour, has the answer here.

There ends the "dirty" part of the process.

Brakes
Brakes are an important part of cycling safety. There are many styles of brakes, and it would take many hours of writing to describe how to adjust them all. I suggest a visit to BicycleTutor.com's brake section. These videos describe the basics of adjusting the three most common types of hand-operated brakes. YouTube has plenty of relevant videos too.

The next instalment of Max's Guide To Cycling For N00bs will continue this article, and will discuss inspection of tyres, headset/handlebars and gears. Stay tuned!

Welcome to Max's Guide To Cycling For N00bs, Part 2. This instalment deals with the three previously-identified essentials of cycling:

1. A willingness to ride
2. A bike with a working bell
3. A helmet.

A willingness to ride. When it comes to having a willingness to ride, you've either got it or you don't. But in the interests of encouraging a willingness to ride, I will list some of the great things that cycling can do for you, in no particular order.

• Cycling gives you a sense of freedom. The wind in your hair, at one with nature.
• For the tree-hugging hippie that lives in all of us, cycling is environmentally friendly. Aside from walking or running, what other method of transport can get you from A to B without somehow fouling the Earth? I'll give you +1 if you answered "unicycle", or "pogo stick".
• Cycling is relaxing. Take a moment to enjoy the world around you as you cycle along. Many bike paths (and, indeed, roads) go through beautiful bushlands or run parallel to rivers or streams. Take a moment to have a look at the local wildlife. My local bikepaths are frequented by ducks, geese, bush turkeys, frilly-necked lizards, turtles (though admittedly the turtles stay in the water) etc.
• Cycling is FUN! Everyone in the family can go for a ride and have a big grin on their faces the whole time. Families can enjoy cycling together. Bike paths are a great way to introduce kids to cycling.
• Cycling is healthy! Improve your fitness and lose weight, all while having a good time. It's low-impact and doesn't require you to have a high level of fitness to start with
• Cycling is a social activity. Sure, you can noodle along all on your own if that's what you want to do (and I do recommend this for its meditative qualities), but riding with a bunch of mates makes it that much better!

Do I really need to go on? Cycling is allllllll good.

A working bell.
It is a legal requirement in most (if not all) states for your bicycle to have a warning device on it. In practice, that means a bell. There are many types of bell on the market. Some are, in my opinion, more appropriate than others. I prefer the style of bell that sounds like "bring bring". The reason for this is that everyone knows that "bring bring" is a bicycle bell. Nowhere else will you hear that noise apart from a bicycle bell. People hear that, and act accordingly (usually by getting out of your way). These bells come in many styles. The classic:

The cute:

Vintage style:

And so on. It doesn't matter what it looks like. So long as it goes "bring bring", everyone will recognise it for what it is.

Some bells simply go "ting":

This is a recent development in the world of cycling, and quite frankly, I don't understand it. Nobody hears "ting" and thinks to themselves, "Oooo, there's a bike behind me, I'd better get out of the way!". No. My unscientific observations have led me to conclude that nine out of ten people, when presented with the "ting" sound, will either a) do nothing, because they don't know it's a bicycle bell or never actually heard it, or b) (worse) wander all over the place trying to figure out where the noise is coming from, in an effort to identify what the noise actually is. Don't be a tinger, be a bring-bringer.

If you live in an area that is populated by people who live on their own planet and ignore bicycle bells, or if you are a commuter who regularly deals with obnoxious motor vehicle drivers, you might want to obtain an air horn:

These things are very damn loud and should, in my opinion, be used only as a last resort - after bring-bringing and yelling have been tried and ignored. I recently got one for my bike and I can attest to its attention-getting qualities. Much as I have joked about my desire to air-blast peoples' ears into oblivion, the truth is I do not use this device frequently. Reserve its use for when it is really needed.

This might prompt you to ask - when should a bell be used? The short answer is this: Any time you think there is a risk that someone has not seen you, and you think there is a risk that by virtue of not seeing you, that person might put themselves into your line of travel.. use your bell. Some examples:
1. Any time you are approaching a pedestrian on a shared path. I recommend a ring of the bell at 10 metres, followed by another at 5. I'm referring here to pedestrians who are travelling in the same direction as you (ie you're approaching them from behind). Presumably oncoming pedestrians are aware of your presence (and you shouldn't be riding in their way anyway).

2. Any time you are passing another cyclist. You should follow this up with a hollered "passing on your right". The "passing on your right" line is useful for pedestrians too, if you are unsure that they have heard your bell ringing.

The usefulness of a bell in road traffic is questionable. If you need to warn a driver of your presence, there's every chance that their radio/ipod/doof doof music/mobile phone will drown out the sound of your bell. That's when the air horn comes in handy.

Helmets. These are also a legal requirement. There's plenty of debate in the cycling community about whether helmet use should be enforced. Some claim that forcing people to buy a helmet makes people unwilling to ride bicycles, and that by virtue of that, it makes the pastime less popular. I do not want to get into that debate, except to say this: if the people who don't want to wear helmets decide not to ride a bicycle, it's a win-win. They don't wear a helmet (a win for them), and they don't have their brains splattered all over the road (since, you know, they haven't fallen of a bike, cos, you know, they're not riding one in the first place). That's a win for everyone else.

The long and short is this: it's the law, you gotta do it. No point debating what you can't change. Just comply with the rules, just like you put your seatbelt on when you go in a car (you DO put your seatbelt on, RIGHT???). Helmets come in many shapes and sizes. Some are big and chunky, some are small and sleek:

No matter your tastes, you will find something that is aesthetically appealing. Other factors in your decision-making should include (in no particular order):

1. Your helmet should conform to Australian Standards. Look for the Standards sticker on the helmet itself. Believe it or not, it is not illegal in Australia to sell a helmet that does not conform to Australian Standards. The seller should, but is not obligated to, draw a helmet's non-compliance to your attention. Do yourself a favour, and LOOK. If you're at all unsure, DON'T BUY IT. You're trusting your head's safety to this device.

2. Weight. A light helmet will cause less fatigue for your head and neck. Ideally, you want a helmet that's light enough that you can't really feel that you're wearing it.

3. Ventilation. You want air flow through this thing. If you're exerting any reasonable effort whilst cycling, your body will warm up. Your head needs to be kept cool.

4. Fit. Your helmet should fit your head snugly, but not tightly. There should not be room for movement between your head and the inside of the helmet. If there is, the helmet is too big for you. Many helmets have a "dial" at the back that allows you to tighten the fit around your head. You can use the extra padding that comes with your helmet to adjust the fit. The DPI in WA have a good guide here.

This is cute, but if this kid fell off a bike, he'd be lucky to escape uninjured:

Your helmet should be worn flat on your head, not tilted forward or back:

You get the drift.

Because this is my guide to cycling, I can say pretty much whatever I want, so here are my thoughts on helmets. There is no doubt that at some point in your cycling life, you will come off your bike. This is a fact. It will hurt. Also a fact. Putting a helmet between your head and the pavement will prevent or reduce head trauma. Fact. For those of you who want scientific evidence of this, I couldn't be bothered trawling the interweb, so I will give you some personal experiences instead:

1. I recently came off my bike in an effort to avoid a collision with an unattended child on a shared path. It was a low-speed collision, in that I was doing about 10Kph when I fell. I fell on my right side, bumped the right side of my helmet on the concrete, then flipped onto my back, hitting the back of my helmet on the concrete. I injured a bunch of other body parts in the process. I walked away, sore, but without a head injury.

2. My best mate was hit by a car last year, an incident that to this day I cannot think about without almost bursting into tears. The car turned in front of him, and he collided with it at about 40Kph. He was thrown over the bonnet of the car, flipped over, and landed on his side. He lost consciousness. When he came to, he found his helmet was cracked in three places. His skull was intact. No helmet = no more best mate. No doubt he would've died on the side of the road.

3. My mum was hit by a truck not that long ago. She remembers nothing of the impact as she lost consciousness, but her helmet told the tale. It was cracked. She had a mild concussion and some soft tissue damage, but was able to walk away otherwise unharmed.

4. This kid's head was run over by a car. Did her helmet save her life? You be the judge.

Important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you have a crash that damages your helmet in any way, replace your helmet! By and large, helmets are designed to break or fall apart in the event of an impact. If you try to "recycle" a cracked helmet, it's no good to you. The only thing that will break next time is your skull (since the helmet has already been broken).

For some reason, I see many cyclists riding with their helmets hanging off their handlebars. I cannot understand the logic of this. Whose head is being protected by a helmet hanging off the bars? Do the handlebars require extra protection in case of a collision? Don't be one of those people. Buy a helmet, and wear it!

OK, off my soapbox now. I'll let this post mellow for a few days, then will follow up with part 3, a discussion of cycling apparel.

Welcome to Max's Guide to Cycling For N00bs, part 1. Everything you're about to read is purely my opinion. There might be some factual stuff thrown in there as well. See if you can tell what's fact and what's not

To cycle, the minimalist needs only three things:
1. A willingness to ride.
2. A bike with a working bell (a bell is a legal requirement in most states).
3. A helmet (so is this). Some people think helmets are uncool. I think brain damage is uncool. The right helmet can both a) protect one's noggin and b) lend coolness to its wearer.

Everything else is an added bonus. People who say cycling is an expensive sport are obviously not minimalists. "But Max", I hear you say, "although a minimalist only needs those things, surely there's stuff I, a non-minimalist, should have?"

I'm glad you asked. Non-minimalists should consider the following additions to their cycling paraphernalia:
1. A water bottle and associated water bottle cage. Whilst water is not an absolute requirement (in that you can technically ride without it), please consider it a 99.999% requirement. Dehydration is not cool. You may also hear water bottles referred to as "bidons". This is not to be confused with a "bidet". Whilst a bidet also contains water, I'd recommend against drinking from it.
2. Cycling shorts, commonly known as "knicks". These are typically made from stretchy fabric such as lycra, and have some padding in the crotch and bum area.
3. Cycling jerseys. Unlike the average T-shirt, these are made of wicking material that draws sweat away from the body, making for a more comfortable, cooler ride.
4. A small saddle bag that contains, as a minimum, a multi-tool set, a spare tube, some tyre levers and some cash. The cash will get you home if the toolkit, tube and tyre levers can't.
5. Glasses. Some people enjoy having dried-out eyeballs filled with dust and bugs, squinting into an unrelenting sun. These carefree souls ride around aimlessly, with not a care in the world, crashing blindly into obstacles they would've seen had their eyes been appropriately protected. Make sure you're not one of those people.
6. A small pump, or a CO2 inflator. Having replaced a damaged tube with the spare you keep in your saddle bag, you will need some means of inflation. Small hand-operated pumps can do the job, and will at the very least give you enough air pressure to limp your bike home. CO2 inflators will get the tube fully inflated without the need for bicep-building pump operations.
7. If you intend to ride in low-light conditions, proper illumination is absolutely essential. It is a) a legal requirement and b) life-saving. Don't leave home without decent lights.
8. Lip balm. Closely related to the glasses, lip balm will help prevent you looking like a split-lipped street brawler, or, possibly, a nomadic camel-riding desert dweller. If you are either of these things, well and good. If you are not, do yourself a favour and apply some lip balm. Your lips, not to mention those whose lips you kiss, will be forever grateful.
9. A cycling computer. This will help you record all-important information like how far you've gone (more specifically, how far you have to ride to get back home), how fast you've gone, your average speed etc.

I can hear howls of protest already. All this gear sounds expensive, doesn't it? Well.. some of it is. But the good news is that it's not absolutely necessary. You don't have to buy it all at once (if at all), and not having it won't prevent you from riding. But having some (or all) of this stuff will greatly enhance your riding pleasure.

Stay tuned for future instalments of MGTCFN, in which I expand on all of these points individually.

This guy built this bike for his girlfriend. I'm not sure if that means he loves her or hates her.

Ahhh... crap, my blog cut off the photo. Click the link for the full horror.

This weekend was great. I spent most of it in a good mood for no apparent reason. Went for a ride on Saturday with a BLC member, someone I hadn't met before. It was lots of fun and I think she'll be a good riding buddy. Went to dinner with MaxBabe on Saturday night and we talked for ages, which was great. I don't get to see much of her now that it's hockey season. Went to see my mum on Sunday, did a 45Km ride with her. That was also fun. A great weekend!

But.. and there's always a but.. my weight loss has reversed, big-time. This week I have gained two kilos. Two fucking kilos. I really shouldn't be surprised. I mean, it's not like I'm eating properly or exercising. But seriously.. two kilos? Sigh. I'm quite unhappy about this; it represents a 10% re-gain. It was so damn tough to lose it in the first place. Why do I keep sabotaging myself?

Work last Friday was great, inasmuch as I solved (or thought I had) a long-standing problem related to group policy application. I went to work yesterday and saw that the problem resurfaced at around 5pm Friday afternoon. For fuck's sake. It had been fine the whole day (where it would've otherwise been a problem every logon or every 90 minutes left alone). The moment I turned my back, it crapped out again. GRRRRRRR!!!

My hip is still sore. I went to see a physio on Monday. The conversation went something along the lines of "it hurts", "where does it hurt?", "I don't know!!!". It's a nondescript ache that only happens when I'm standing from a seated position or when going up stairs. No amount of joint manipulation, stretching or contorting could make the pain reproduce itself at the physio's. Until I squatted down. Oh, that hurts. She's given me anti-inflammatory cream, has suggested nurofen (more anti-inflammatory) and some strengthening exercises. If anything, it feels worse since my visit. Oh well. I guess we'll see over the coming weeks.

I'm still looking for a new bike. Mum has graciously offered me a trial of a drop-bar bike, to see if I like riding that style of bike. That will certainly help me move on with the decision-making process.

Anyway.. still bummed about the weight gain. It has not, ironically, spurred me to exercise or eat better, so I really do get what I deserve.

Two atoms go into a bar...

After a few drinks, one of them turns to his mate and says "Shit, I've just lost an electron!" His mate says, "Are you sure?"

"Yes", says the first, "I'm positive!"

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Proving that progress, however slow, is still progress.

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Kmart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Kmart, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?"

The angry, ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: "Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really think they look alike, you dickhead?"

"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice!"

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Woman shags husband for a year straight; both get bored with it after a while.

P!nk never really got divorced. A serious WTF moment for me, with a bit of disappointment thrown in. Pink, when will you realise I'm the girl for you???

Finally, some serious competition to Telstra/Optus internet bandwidth provision in this country. C'mon PIPE, get that cable laid, dammit!

It has happened!!!!

Lookit!

69.7Kg. Fuck yeh! This is the 52nd week of my weight loss challenge, so here are the stats:

Starting weight: 95Kg
Current weight: 69.7Kg
Total weight loss: 25.3Kg
% of body weight lost: 26.6%

Yeehar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I came home today feeling all motivated to do... something... but now I'm damned if I can remember what it was. And I am, of course, feeling completely unmotivated to do anything now.

It's bloody cold at the moment. It's like someone flicked a switch and the weather suddenly realised it was that time of year. No gradual introduction to lower temperatures, no. Just a metaphoric jump into a freezing swimming pool. I gave thought this morning to going out on the bike for another early morning arctic foray. Then, the sane part of me intervened, and decided I'd be better off lying in bed for a while. I love the sane part of me.

I got my graduation photos in the mail yesterday. To my horror, one of the ever-present flies managed to get in the photo with me. It's sitting on my left sleeve. I contacted the photo place to ask if they could photoshop it out. They suggested I might prefer one of the other photos (ie one of the ones they didn't print). One of them features the fly sitting on my hand. The other one is fly-free, but not a particularly good shot. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! I'm going to get back to them and just ask if they can touch up the original photo. I reckon it wouldn't be too tough to paint a bit of black over that fly.

Think I might go snuggle under a blanket and read a book now.

It's been a while since I've posted, and TBH I don't feel much like writing anything. Here are some random facts about the last couple weeks, in no particular order:

A Pandemic is distinguished by the emergence of a new disease, that causes serious illness among humans, and spreads awfully fast. Swine Flu is one such disease.

I am starting a new web site, called Fashion UNconscious, which aims to a) bring fashion to the average plonker and b) satirise fashion to the nth degree. I'm still working on it. I'm using the Joomla CMS, which is both a) powerful and b) consequently difficult to get my head around.

I've been sick with something, thankfully not any variant of the flu, which has made me feel very lethargic and unmotivated.

I got BestMate an Air Zound for his birthday, and since there don't seem to be any left in Australia, I also got one for myself.

It's 115dB of ear-shattering goodness. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to use it on obnoxious pedestrians and hazardous drivers. By "obnoxious pedestrians", I mean those who wilfully ignore the ringing of my bell, my hollering at them to please move over, or worse.. who tell me (on a shared path) to go and use the road. TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!! This one's for you, mate. I'm sure I don't have to explain the concept of a hazardous driver. MaxBabe, ever the voice of reason, has asked how much room my handlebars will have left for my actual hands, given they now carry: a bidon cage, my computer, a mount for my blinky light and a bell. And, of course, the brakes and shifters. It doesn't sound like much, but they all take up space. I'm yet to determine the logistics of mounting the Air Zound.

A couple days ago, I went out for my first winter morning ride. Oh, sweet merciful crap, it was cold. Me at 0500: Short-sleeve jersey, arm warmers, long sleeve jersey, knicks, shorts, leg warmers, wooly socks, long-fingered gloves, neck roll/ear warmer doodad. And it was still bloody cold! Thankfully, most of me warmed up after a few minutes. My knees never defrosted though. I was also reminded just how good my Ayup lights are. To be able to ride, at speed, in pitch black, knowing the road in front of me is perfectly illuminated, is a very comforting thing.

A few days ago, some fool in the USA approved a flyover of a 747 military jet (Air Force One) and a couple military fighter planes. Over New York City. In the middle of the day. Didn't anyone think to themselves, "gee, that might be a little too much like the whole 9/11 thing, maybe we shouldn't do that."? Apparently not. It caused panic among NYC's population, who evacuated their workplaces and ran for the hills. WTF was he thinking? Obama, is, of course, furious.

People continue to die in Iraq. Rudd continues to send our troops over to the middle east.

Break-dancing nana.

Workplaces everywhere are tightening their belts. This includes GreenSight. There's talk of enforcing nine-day fortnights, temporary leave without pay (ie - go home until there's work to do). Some factories are shutting down earlier in the day, or not operating at all on some days. Some branches have closed down altogether.

EDIT: Urgh. I think I need to stop reading the news.

Meh, I've run out of randomness. Time to go see where I'm going to mount that air horn.

After thirty years.. THIRTY YEARS... of puncture-free cycling, it has happened. I dragged myself out of bed this morning, stuck my head outside and saw a glorious day for cycling. YES! I showered, ate, fed the dog, geared up, said goodbye to MaxBabe and headed downstairs to grab my bike. As I rolled it, I noticed a strange squishy sound. I looked down to find the rear tyre totally deflated.

Hmmm, thinks I. Perhaps it's just a random deflation. It's funny how the mind refuses to accept bad news, isn't it? It must be anything but an actual puncture, surely. I have a record to maintain, after all! After a few moments, my mind finally accepted the awful truth. It was a flat caused by a puncture. But how could that be? I'd not long ago purchased Continental Gatorskins, puncture-resistant tyres! I found myself cursing the fact that I'd taunted the puncture gods by purchasing puncture-resistant tyres in the first place.

I inspected the tyre. I found not one, not two, but three holes in the tyre. I removed the wheel, tyre, and tube. I inflated the tube to find the site of the puncture, and green goo came oozing out of the place where the worst tyre damage had been. Curious to see how well the green goo would seal the hole, I put my finger over it and further inflated the tyre. After about thirty seconds, I removed my finger from the hole to find a seal of green goo. The tube is still inflated. It will be useful as a fallback tube.

Anyway.. I decided to find out what had caused these three holes. One was a tiny sliver of glass which immediately fell onto the ground, never to be seen again until I step on it in the middle of the night. Another was a larger piece of glass. Neither of these pieces of glass actually punctured the tube. +1 to the Contis. But the third object was not a piece of glass. It was a very sharp piece of stone! It took all my strength to prise it from the rubber of the tyre. Here it is, along with the larger piece of glass.

I was not at all surprised that it had managed to make it past the Conti's defences. It was very sharp, and very large.

Anyway.. after all the effort of removing the wheel, tyre and tube, then replacing the tube and reinstalling it and the tyre and wheel, time had passed and, with it, my motivation to go for a ride. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still not happy with the length of time it took to replace the tube. I'm just grateful I didn't have to do it on the side of the road! And now, of course, years of gloating at BestMate about how I've never had a puncture will come back to bite me. Revenge is best served cold. I just hope he's not too harsh on me!!!!!

I really don't know what inspired this guy to use bacon as a source of heat with which to cut metal. Did it come to him in a dream? Was he hallucinating? Had he consumed one too many cheerios? Who knows. What I do know, with the benefit of having read this article, is that bacon can be used in ways I never thought possible. I find myself wondering what Bacon Today would have to say about it. Personally, I am lost for words!

This guy has been riding a pushbike around the world.. for the last ELEVEN years.

EDIT: And let's not forget Heinz Stucke.. who has been travelling around the world on his bike for 40+ years.

So sayeth one of the latest spams in my inbox. I never knew there was a holy war. I thought it was just a regular battle of the nerds. You know, the fight to find new medications, the victor getting the kudos if not the spoils. Where do I sign up for this holy battle? And how exactly does one fight the holy war vs epilepsy? Do participants sit in front of a strobe light? What happens to them if they succumb? What if they don't? Is it like those witch tests? Burn 'em at the stake/strobe? If she survives, she's a witch, if she doesn't... well, she's not. Should they don armour? Pistols? Duels at dawn? Do half the participants get anti-convulsants and the other half a placebo? In which army should I put my faith? Who's fighting the good fight, anyway?

The text of the message is:

Your best choice
salubrious effect guaranteed.
With anti toxins pill

There's a link, of course. I'm taking bets now: Viagra/Cialis/"performance" enhancing drug; keylogger/social engineering; virus infecter; cross-site scripter. I'm personally tossing up between viagra and keylogger.

Sweet.

Seriously, WTF.

It's finally happened! I've passed the 25% mark. I have now lost 25.1% of my original body weight!!!!!!!!

And that's all folks!

Click it. Just do it! )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

Every once in a while, I find myself in need of some side-splitting laughter. So I trawl through my bookmarks, the ones under the category called "Stress relief". Today's blast from the past is... The Box Of Random Evil, and The Telemarketer Speaks. I Respond.

Enjoy!

Last night's dream was mundane and disturbing. It consisted of me demonstrating to a bunch of people how our factory computers are set up. Mundane, because, well, it's work. Disturbing, because, well... surely my mind could think of something more interesting to dream of.

Seriously, who in the hell dreams about boring work stuff? What ever happened to dreaming I had wings and could fly off clifftops (actual dream from grade one that I remember vividly to this day because I also turned into a lion at some point)? What ever happened to talking to aliens? Hot fantasies about P!nk and Olivia Benson (bonus dream: both of them together)? Hell, even my graduation nightmare was more interesting than last night's dream.

I think I'm turning more and more boring by the minute.

I'm on call this week, lucky me, so the work mobile is on 24/7, and sits on my bedside table. I received two text messages from CSC (our outsourcer) at midnight last night, telling me a production-critical problem existed at one of our sites and that the call had been assigned to me. Fine, I got up, all bleary-eyed, and staggered to my laptop. I tried to access our shitbox helpdesk software. True to form, the client shat itself so badly I had to reboot my machine. Fine. Reboot, wait, log on, wait, VPN, wait, access shitbox helpdesk software. OK, the problem is that their transport docket printer isn't working and that it's stopped them from loading trucks. Fine. I ring the guy's number, it's busy. Hmm, why is he on the phone? Is he perhaps still talking to CSC about the problem? I accessed CSC's vastly better but incredibly complicated helpdesk software. Oh. It's been assigned to the CSC VMS team. THEN WHY IN THE BLOODY FUCK DID YOU SEND ME TEXT MESSAGES TELLING ME IT HAD BEEN ASSIGNED TO ME, AND BLOODY WAKE ME UP??????????? Many unhappy sounds were uttered. Figuring there was nothing more for me to do, I went back to bed and tossed and turned for another couple hours before finally falling asleep at around 0300.

I got up this morning to check the progress of the call. The comments from the CSC VMS guy almost made my head pop off. The printer (according to the CSC guy) had been out of paper. Not only that, there was nobody on site to check the paper status for him. I'll say that again: This PRODUCTION-AFFECTING, MISSION-CRITICAL PROBLEM was so important that there was nobody on site to assist with troubleshooting. I just don't understand. Who reported the problem in the first place? Did they come to work, have a problem printing, report the problem, then go home again?

I am filled, filled, with GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a no-brainer really. The sudden onset of cold mornings plus darkness has made me not want to get out of bed. My morning routine this week has been: alarm clock, snooze........ alarm clock, snooze......... alarm clock, guilt myself into getting out of bed, get onto laptop and catch up on various things (read: waste time), shower, feed dog, feed me, go to work.

I'm still under 72Kg, but I've gained weight over the last few days. I really need to, you know, actually exercise. Which means braving the cold. Le sigh. This time last year, I was sufficiently motivated that I actually got up at 0430, got into my cycling gear, added a wind vest, arm warmers, leg warmers, neck roll and thick gloves in order to go for a morning ride. This year, I'm like.. FUCK THAT!!!

Must... motivate.... self....

In unrelated news, it's time I had a serious discussion with the fridge about the future of our relationship. Over the last few months, it's decided to freeze things that are not in the actual freezer. Most recent victims are a banana, and today, a weight watchers fruit tub. Fridge, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!!!!!!!!! One cannot dump a frozen tub of fruit on top of one's weetbix. It just doesn't work. So this morning I had weetbix with fruitsicle on the side. The top of my mouth is still numb from the cold. I think that I will start dropping subtle hints to the fridge. For instance, whenever I use it, I'll say things like.. "I saw this great fridge at Myers the other day. Tall, white, knows how to distinguish between cold and frozen. Oh, no, fridge.. you know I was just looking. You know you're the only fridge for me. A girl can look, can't she???". I really hope I don't have to sit the fridge down and have The Talk: "Fridge.. things just aren't working for us anymore... you've changed."

Last Thursday was a pretty big day. We had an 0500 flight to Sydney, which meant we had to be up by 0230. I tried, I really did, but I just could not get to sleep Wednesday night. I tossed and turned, as did MaxBabe. I must've eventually lost consciousness, because I was jolted awake by my alarm at 0230. I rolled over to find MaxBabe was already out of bed. She gave up on trying to sleep at around 0200. We got ourselves organised and drove to the airport. Thankfully we had enough time that we could sit in the qantas club and have some breakfast. It was pretty much the only rest we had all day.

This post is loooonnngggg.....

...

Flew to Sydney, did a quick trot to the other terminal, and got on a sardine can plane to Wagga. Wagga's airport is pretty small. Smaller than Coffs Harbour's airport. It doesn't have any security screening whatsoever, and the baggage pickup is not a carousel. It consists of a pickup point outside the back door. A guy drives a small, luggage-filled trailer from the plane to the dropoff point, unhooks the trailer from his buggy, and drives off. Passengers collect their luggage straight off the trailer.

Wagga's air was thick with flies. I couldn't believe how many of them there were! We got a cab to the hotel, sat down for a bit, then went to a local kebab place for lunch. Walked back to the hotel, got changed, went to the uni.

I registered at the gown hire place and got all kitted out. The whole process was very fast, I was out of the gown hire place in under five minutes. Spent a lot of time sitting around waiting for my mum to arrive. MaxBabe filled in the time by taking photos of me in the Mythical Shirt and the gown etc. Mum arrived and more photos were taken.

Finally, we were allowed into the graduation hall. The hall itself was much smaller than I'd anticipated (having only previously attended a graduation ceremony at UQ, where there were many more people in attendance). I was put into the "graduates" section, and MaxMum and MaxBabe were put into the "guests" section. I found myself sitting next to another MNSA graduate, a fellow whose entire topics of discussion revolved around the pub, how he was getting to the pub, who he would find there, what he would drink etc etc.. I found myself nodding and smiling. Meanwhile, the hall started filling with people and I found myself getting nervous.

The ceremony eventually started with the introduction of the academic hobknobs. Once they'd arrived, we sang the national anthem, listened to some formalities and eventually the process of conferring of awards started. It started with the PhDs, three of them. Each PhD was introduced along with the topic of their thesis and how the study/research/thesis makes the world a better place. It just went on and on and on. I found myself wondering if they were going to read the thesis out to them. I found myself thinking, please.. no... please.. no... just get on with it, do NOT start quoting these peoples' theses. Each PhD candidate got about 5 minutes of airtime, which doesn't sound like much until you have to sit through a 5-minute description of a thesis. We were all shifting in our seats by the time it was over. And so started the introduction of mere peons like me.

We lined up to the side of the stage, row by row. Finally my row of graduates was shepherded to the front of the hall, and some last-minute name-checking was done. "Are you Peter?", said the marshall. No, I'm not Peter. "Raymond?" No, not him either. Clue: I have breasts, and no pee-pee. The realisation that people were missing sent the marshall and his friend into a panic. Finally I was at the head of the line and they told me to tell the announcer that people were missing! I told them to tell him themselves! I received blank stares in response, so quickly climbed the stairs and stage-whispered my name to the announcer. He got a bit flustered too, turned a bunch of pages until he found me. I was mildly irritated about it at first, but in hindsight, it was a good thing. It gave me an opportunity to make sure my name was pronounced correctly. Also, I was the first student announced (of those graduating from the MNSA), so I got more applause than the poor bastard who was last.

I just couldn't understand why there were people missing. The way it works is this: People nominate to graduate (ie attend the graduation ceremony). They fill in forms etc weeks before the fact. When they arrive at the actual venue, their names are checked off. The final checked-off list is given to the marshalls. So Raymond and Peter, by virtue of being on that final list, must have been in attendance to have their names checked off. Why in the hell would you go to the graduation venue, get your name checked off, hire gowns etc and not bloody attend the actual graduation????

Anyway.. after that, we sat through a few musical performances, and a laboured speech presented by a woman who is, apparently, a motivational speaker and an authority on corporate leadership. I found her speech predictable and less than inspiring. It was not helped by the fact that she had not even learnt the speech, so it was read from a printed page on the lectern. The obligatory jokes were poorly-delivered as a result, and overall I found myself wondering that if this was the best the world of corporate leadership had to offer, we really need to improve. Nevertheless, some of her speech was relevant, and it was mercifully brief.

All done and dusted, we filed out in a procession and exited the hall. Mum yanked my degree out of my sweaty paws and took it straight to the onsite degree framing place. Then we had some professional photos taken, and finally, ordered a DVD of the occasion to send to my dad.

Upon re-read, the above retelling doesn't really do the occasion justice. Despite my whinging about flies, tiredness, stress, boring speeches and missing graduates, it really was a very awe-inspiring experience. At times, I found myself on the verge of tears. At one point, the voices in my head were repeating, "just don't cry on stage, just don't cry on stage, just don't cry on stage". It turns out I didn't cry at all

The graduation was followed by a wine-and-cheese thing, complete with IT Masters jacket presentation, on the other side of the campus. We thought it was walking distance away. It was not. After spending 30 minutes walking in new shoes, we (me, mum, maxbabe) were all totally over it. Finally we called a cab to take us to the wine-and-cheese thing. It was all over. They were dismantling the tables etc and packing up. I grabbed a jacket and left. GRRRR!!!

We went back to our hotel, took more happy snaps, then had dinner at the 5-star restaurant downstairs. It was a delicious meal. 3 Chefs, if you're ever in Wagga, downstairs at the Townhouse International. By the end of the meal, we were all exhausted. I packed mum into a taxi, then joined MaxBabe upstairs to use the in-room spa. It was very relaxing, and a perfect way to end the day.

We collapsed into bed and just died. I woke early the next morning, used the gym across the road (in so doing, managed to not find their new, shiny equipment, instead only finding their craptacular hundred-year-old exercise bike, working out on it for 45 minutes, only then realising the new gear was on the other side of the room!!!), had a very fast breakfast and shot off to the airport.

Did I mention no security screening? We could've taken machetes onto that plane and had our very own 9-11. I just don't understand the inconsistencies. We were stopped at Brisbane domestic because MaxBabe dared to have a zippo lighter that actually contained lighter fluid (she very politely told security to go and get fucked, and they let her through. +1 to the terrorists), yet at this airport we could've taken an arsenal on board and nobody would've known. Go figure.

By the time we got to Sydney we were so grumpy we were tearing strips off each other. Thank Og I'd thought to use FF points to upgrade the Sydney-Brisbane flight to business class. Comfortable seats, good food, nice service. MaxBabe's meal was cut short by turbulence though. She got about three mouthfuls then had her food taken away! Poor thing! Got to Brisbane, tore more strips off each other, drove home in grumpy silence (complete with chain-smoking and road rage), finally got home and just died in the arse.

It's so good to be home!!!!!

MaxBabe was off the next day (Saturday) to go see her parents in Gladstone. I was supposed to go too but couldn't get time off work. So I am at home with MitchMutt, who has spent most of this evening quitely whimpering. I know he likes MaxBabe better than me, but I just wish he wouldn't be so damned obvious about it!!

Anyway.. this post is way too long, so it must be time for me to go to bed.

Even if it's not real, it's funny! )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

A marathon runner, a football player and a cyclist were discussing whether it is better to have a wife or a mistress. The runner says "A wife is better than a mistress. With a wife you can develop a solid and long lasting relationship that will go the distance".

The football player say "A mistress is better than a wife. The excitement and fast pace of the relationship is like a game".

The cyclist says "It's better to have both. That way your wife will think you're with your mistress, your mistress will think you're with your wife, and you can go out and get some riding in". )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" /> )" alt=")" class="middle" width="15" height="15" />

A farmer walked into his local doctor's surgery to seek treatment for some rather nasty gashes around his legs. The doctor asked the man what had happened.

"Well, doc," he says, "Christmas is coming up, and a few months ago my wife and I selected a piglet for us to fatten up for Christmas dinner, and I've been given that young fellow special rations to get him into proper shape, and I was just about to give him his lunch today and my wife poked her head out the door and said something, and I turned round to ask what she said, and that danged pig shoved his snout through the fence an' bit me on the leg."

The medic shook his head ruefully and commenced dressing the injuries, and duly wrote up the incident in his notes..

A week or so later the farmer was back with a series of bites on his buttocks, and the doc queried him as to the cause. "Well," says the man of the soil, "I was standing up on the fence of the pigsty getting ready to give our special little pig his eats, when the new Avon Lady called round, you know, the good looking blonde who wears the low cut blouses, and I was just admiring the view when I lost my balance and fell. I just managed to stop myself from falling right on my back, and as I was scrambling back over the fence, that pig done bit me on the backside."

The farmer departed with his new wounds cleaned and bound and the doctor made a further entry in his medical notes.

A week later, the farmer came in great gashes down his arms and his shirtsleeves in shreds.

"Right", said the doc. "What's happened?"

"Well," said the farmer, "You know that pig ..."

The GP sighed heavily, picked up his pen to commence writing, and said, "Okay, you don't need to explain, I know, you were feeding the ham that bites you".

Find them here!

The Mythical Shirt was not ready this morning as promised. The buttons were still not done. But my phone call this morning prodded them into action, and I picked it up this afternoon. It is PERFECT!!!!!!!

I am nervous about tomorrow, but I think everything's as prepared as it can be. Suit's packed and ready to go, so's the shirt, belt, cufflinks and other accroutements (did I mention MaxBabe got me some very nice cufflinks as a graduation present? Well, she did!). Other clothes are all packed. MaxBabe's suit is packed. Flight itinerary and hotel info are printed out. Graduation info is printed out. All printouts are in MaxBabe's bag (since she knows what I'm like about forgetting printouts). I have mentally prepared MaxBabe for a very early start tomorrow morning (0230, URGH!).

I think I have done everything I can possibly do to ensure the other night's nightmare does not come true. Look out, Wagga, here I come!!!

First of all, greetings to my LJ friends who can now see all my spammy goodness as soon as it's posted. Ahhhh, cross-posting. Is there anything more vain?

I graduate from my degree tomorrow. I'm very excited and nervous about it, and also trying not to be excited at all about it. I'm trying hard not to listen to the tiny, self-sabotaging part of me that says "don't be happy about this, if you're happy about it, something awful will happen and the world will implode!!!". Instead, I'm trying hard to listen to the oft-neglected voice that says, "hey, you're alright!!!".

Today will be pretty busy. This morning, I will pick up the Mythical Shirt. I was supposed to pick up the Mythical Shirt yesterday. MaxBabe wisely suggested I call them to check if it was ready. It was not. It still needed buttonholes or some such thing. I pushed back my angry response and listened to the sane part of me that was grateful they took the job on at such short notice. They reckon it'll be ready this morning. It'd better bloody be!!!!!! I also have to return a book to Dymocks. I bought it the other day, all excited because it was one I hadn't read before. It turns out I have read it before, but my memory is so &(*@# vague that I couldn't remember I'd read it until I sat down to read it again.

We have to wash about a million kilos of laundry, or at the very least, the clothes we're taking to Wagga. I have to return a shirt we bought from Elio Moda, which unfortunately appears to have a blemish on it. Right on the boob line. You know, where it pokes out. It basically says "Here! Look at me! I'm a blemish!!!". I had a drycleaner have a go at it yesterday, but the stain remains. A bit peeved, but I'm sure they'll replace it for me. Stain aside, the people at EM have been very good to me and MaxBabe. They all recognise us, call us by our names, know exactly what clothing suggestions to make etc. It's a level of service I've never before experienced when clothes shopping.

BestMate/RidingBuddy is going to look after the MitchMutt while we're away. I have a sneaking suspicion we will come home to find MitchMutt has put on about a billion kilos, even though we're only away overnight. He's very good at sucking up to people when he thinks he might get a food reward. Big puppy-dog eyes, resting his head on your knee, small whimpers. It's an art that needs to be witnessed to be believed.

We also have to pack, which I know doesn't sound like a big deal, but we have to deal with the fact that the second leg of the trip involves flying in an overgrown sardine can. This means one piece of cabin baggage per person. That's fine, except I need to carry my suit in a garment bag, and MaxBabe needs her suit to survive the trip as well. However.. we also need things on the plane to keep us sane - eg books, crosswords, snacks etc, all of which will need to be carried in some sort of small bag. Ie a second piece of carry-on luggage. MaxBabe has decided she will pack her suit, in the garment bag, inside a suitcase. I'm worried that it will come out of that bag looking like a homeless man's crumpled clothes. Or that they will lose her luggage altogether. The paranoia that something will go wrong is starting to creep in. SHOO! Paranoia begone! I have no time for you!!

Anyway.. best I go put on some washing.

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes thru the swingin' doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

'Yes?' she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, 'may I help you?'

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes", "Yes, I sure am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly,

"Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".

I'm glad you asked.

Are there any real women who walk like this? Aside from the models themselves, I mean?

Go on, click it!

b2evo lets me see what keywords people used to find my site. The latest one was a google search for the term "drugfucked young girls". Who in the fuck would search for something like that?

Worse, my site was the NUMBER ONE HIT for these terms. Thankfully, the hit was on a post about a dream I had, the one where a drug-fucked sales assistant was being particularly unhelpful getting me an academic gown for my graduation ceremony. I wonder what on earth this person was actually looking for. Actually, I don't. Cynically, I know exactly what this low-life was looking for. Get the fuck out of my blog, you rock spider.

I am, of course, referring to the "clean feed", in which people in the Australian government make decisions on my behalf, about what I should and shouldn't be able to see on the interwebs. The government seems to think that imposing web filtering on everyone, without their consent, is a good thing.

I call it censorship. I call it paternalism. I call it an insult to my intelligence. And I call it WRONG.

The internet in Australia is already shit-slow. According to stopthecleanfeed.com (admittedly, a biased source), imposition of the filter at its strictest setting imposed as much as an 87% slowdown, and still managed to let objectionable sites through. Should your own site be blacklisted, you'll get no notice of it, and no way of appealing the decision. So if someone in Canberra doesn't like my dykey, nerdy, cyclist, weight-loss, greenie blog, it can be blocked at the drop of a hat. Exactly what makes a site objectionable anyway?

Does anyone see the irony of the Australian government, a supposely intelligent group of people, simultaneously objecting to the Chinese firewall during the Olympics but looking to create its own? I note that since the Olympics, the discussion of the Chinese government seeking to blind its people to the rest of the world is conveniently absent.

Actually, I think Amnesty International said it best:

Amnesty International recognises that there are some limits to freedom of expression and that this includes blocking access to certain content; for example, child pornography or content that incites violence. What is essential, however, is transparency -- a clear communication of what is to be blocked, and why this is in the broader social interest, and under what legislation.

It is stated that this proposal will protect children. However, there are already technical options available for ensuring that harmful content is not accessible to minors - Government-developed software has been made available free of charge for such purposes. The proposal for blanket censorship makes decisions for all web users regardless of their age.

No other Western democracy operates a system such as the one proposed by the Australian Government. When the Government refers to other nations having such systems, it omits the fact that elsewhere the involvement of the ISPs is completely voluntary and take-up is very low. In those other countries, the ISP has a choice and so, therefore, does the Internet user. The Australian proposal effectively makes the Internet Service Provider a tool of censorship and would decide for each Internet user what they can or cannot read and discuss online.

EDIT: Here's a leaked list of sites so far blacklisted under this scheme.

I found this cool b2evo plugin that crossposts my maxxxie.net blog to my LJ. So.. LJ friends.. just when you thought you'd seen the back of me.. I'm baaaaaack!

After umming and ahhing about going for a ride this afternoon, I headed out at 3pm, with the intention of doing the Nudgee 40Km ride. I figured that'd give me two hours of daylight to go for a ride, it'd be getting a bit cooler, and all would be good.

All was not good. By the 5Km mark, I knew something was wrong. My little legs didn't want to turn anymore. 500 metres later, I started questioning if I'd even make it to the 10Km mark. I turned around. At the 7Km mark I had to stop. I caught my breath for a few minutes then pushed on. Somehow, despite being so exhausted I couldn't do my intended ride, I managed to climb up the last hill on the middle ring up front and the 3rd on the back, standing I made it home with 11.65Km on the clock. Bah. What a totally, totally shit ride.

There is much to report on the progress of The Mythical Shirt, but I'm too tired to post about it now. Maybe tomorrow.

... and he's Chinese. Hands up anyone who's surprised.

There were two things I found really interesting about this article. First is - Botnets are alive and well. For all the antivirus and antimalware programs out there, we - the IT community - are still not getting it right.

Secondly, am I the only one who was surprised to find the Dalai Lama has an office, and that it is computerised? I really had this vision of this old dude spending his days praying and visiting empoverished/downtrodden people, and not much else. They have their own email server? Far out.

What really annoyed me about the article was this:

The electronic spy game has had at least some real-world impact, they said. For example, they said, after an e-mail invitation was sent by the Dalai Lama’s office to a foreign diplomat, the Chinese government made a call to the diplomat discouraging a visit. And a woman working for a group making Internet contacts between Tibetan exiles and Chinese citizens was stopped by Chinese intelligence officers on her way back to Tibet, shown transcripts of her online conversations and warned to stop her political activities.

closely followed by this:

Although the Canadian researchers said that most of the computers behind the spying were in China, they cautioned against concluding that China’s government was involved. The spying could be a nonstate, for-profit operation, for example, or one run by private citizens in China known as “patriotic hackers.”

Sure. It's not run by the Chinese government, but government agencies somehow got a hold of information that let them intimidate diplomats and human rights activists. How convenient. Oh, it might be a private company doing this? Ever heard of outsourcing, you dummies? Let's take a scenario: China's government pays outsourced private for-profit operation to do its dirty work... yet we are supposed to believe that because it's the private company doing the dirty work, that somehow the government isn't involved? Are these people naive? Or just stupid? Or scared?

But they try to reel us back in with this:

“We’re a bit more careful about it, knowing the nuance of what happens in the subterranean realms,” said Ronald J. Deibert, a member of the research group and an associate professor of political science at Munk. “This could well be the C.I.A. or the Russians. It’s a murky realm that we’re lifting the lid on.”

Yeh, OK.

In all, the article makes reference to a few reports about this and similar incidents, and I think I will try to track them down. Should make for some light bed-time reading.

So says the card sent to me by my sisters-in-law, congratulating me on my imminent graduation. I always love receiving cards from these two, as it's never off-the-shelf pulp. They're always different, enlightening and uplifting. I like that quote very much (Anatole France, if anyone cares).

Sunday was a great day. I participated in the Great Brisbane Bike Ride 55Km event. I did the 35Km version of this event last year, and the different in performance this year was astonishing. Last year, I collapsed into a quivering heap on the side of the road about 5Km into it. The tiny first hill of Sir Fred Schonnell Drive had defeated me. It took around 30 minutes for me to recover. By then, we were the absolute last riders. Bah. Every other hill defeated me. I walked most of them. I stopped frequently. Official rest stops did not come soon enough, and I wished I didn't have to start riding again. This year, I tackled every hill except one (the one at Dutton Park that induces cramps in my quads), and in most cases passed people when climbing said hills. Aside from Cramp Hill, only one other seriously challenged me, and I stopped midway, caught my breath, then kept going. Plenty of others were walking it. I felt absolutely chuffed at my performance. BLITZED IT!!!!! I'd been a bit worried at first that I wouldn't enjoy the ride, as mum and BestMate were off doing their own thing (climbing Mt Coot-Tha), but I think it turned out well. I wasn't distracted by trying to keep up with them or (worse) trying to beat them. I just rode at my own pace and rested when I needed to and went all out when I needed to. It was a great day. EDIT: Photo here!!!

The GBBR event got me thinking about the idea of a new bike again. And actually, it reinforced my feelings that my current bike is just fine. I caned that ride on my bike. It didn't let me down, I was very happy with my performance, and I didn't struggle (except Cramp Hill, but let's face it, that's just one hill). Though a new bike would be very nice indeed, there's no need for it. My steed is still better at this cycling thing than I am

I got home to find MaxBabe had gone out to do more dreaded clothes shopping. She actually found herself a nice suit at David Jones and got herself some other bits and pieces. Very nice, and I'm pleased she doesn't have to tolerate any more shopping ordeals. MaxBabe has declared to me that she would like to get me a graduation gift - some cufflinks to go with my new shirt. Oooo! So we're going to the Mythical Shirt fitting on Saturday, then we're going to go cufflink shopping.

I've lost a stack of weight this week, undoubtedly due to the big bike ride. I'm at my lowest weight so far. In typical self-sabotage mode, I'm have not followed this up with more exercise, rather more laziness. Way to go, Max!!!

What. A. Day. I knew today would be a shopping expedition from hell, and it did turn into a really shit day. It did, however, end on a positive note.

First up, MaxBabe and I decided we'd visit Elio Moda in Chermside so that she could buy herself a nice suit. The woman who'd looked after me previously was off and so we were left in the somewhat-less-capable hands of a young girl. MaxBabe is what one would call "stocky" and she couldn't find herself anything that fit. The girl announced that they don't carry anything greater than a size 16. I can't tell you how much this irritated MaxBabe. In the course of our conversation with the girl, I realised I'd forgotten the directions to get to the tailor in the city, so we went home. I sensed MaxBabe's irritation, so I quickly picked up the instructions, and off we went into the city.

Our mission was two-fold: Find the Mythical Shirt (note it is now capitalised, to indicate that is its proper name), and find me some shoes. We browed a few clothes places, and went into David Jones. There we found an approximation of the Mythical Shirt, but nothing that truly fit the bill. As I was browsing, I thought to myself, "there's no way I can describe the Mythical Shirt to the tailor. Thank god I printed pictures out". Hmm, pictures? I don't have any pictures with me.... Oh. Fuck. I'd left the fragging printout at home!!! I sheepishly told MaxBabe how stupid I was and suggested we might do a bit more shopping, then return home. I'd get the printout then drive back to the city on my own. MaxBabe was offended by this. "Are you telling me you don't want my opinion on this anymore??", she said, the annoyance apparent in her voice. "Not at all honey, just that I know you don't like coming into the city and this is obviously my screwup, and why should you suffer?". Well, she declared then and there that we were going home straight away to get the printout. "Like fuck we're waiting around here for hours!!!".

So we went back to the carpark. I got off at level 2 to pay the fee, she went to level 4 to the car. I told her I'd meet her at the car. She interpreted this as "drive the car to meet me at level 2". I got off the lift on level 4 to find the car had vanished, and MaxBabe was nowhere to be seen. I caught sight of the car driving on level 3. Cursing, I called her. She asked me where I'd gone. WHAT THE!!!! She came to get me, promptly got lost in the car park (for christ's sake, MaxBabe, it's a fucking carpark, how can you get lost? There are arrows telling you where the fuck to go!), then chainsmoked all the way home. I spent the entire trip home apologising for being a moron.

I got the printout, made absolutely sure I had everything, then we headed off again. We went to a different carpark this time. She still found it all too confusing, and I found myself directing her on how to go from level to level. Seriously. She's an intelligent woman, but sometimes she just makes my head hurt.

We went to shoe shops, clothes shops and more shoe shops. We found a very nice shirt at Jacqui E, which whilst nice was still not the Mythical Shirt. But I bought it anyway, because I like it, and I imagine I'll wear it at some future place of employment. We looked at more shoe shops and finally, in a half-hearted attempt to find some nice shoes, went to a place called Aldo or Olda or Olsa or something like that, and therein found a very nice pair of shoes. Not for a million dollars, either.

Went to the tailor, and told her what I wanted and showed her the pictures. Thank God we went back to get the pictures. I told her about the time constraint and she laughed nervously. Oh, God, please no. Don't tell me this is impossible to do in time for my graduation. I want the Mythical Shirt, dammit, not some approximation. But she agreed to have it done by the 1st of April. YAY! Then she asked if I had the fabric. Err, no. So she gave me the details of a few haberdashers, and wouldn't you know it, Lincraft in the city had a really nice dark purple satin. It wasn't the colour I'd originally wanted, and the fabric was quite a bit softer than I'd originally wanted, but I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. So we bought it (also not for a million dollars) and took it back to her. "Did you get buttons?", she said. Err, no. That would've been a good idea, huh? That's a tomorrow job. Meanwhile, she took a shitload of measurements - the obvious bust, waist, hip, cuff and neck measurements, but also not-so-obvious ones like boob drop and boob separation. Seriously. She quoted me $280 to have the shirt made to measure, which whilst a tad expensive, is not completely unpalatable. I will see her next weekend for a fitting. So all things being well, by this time next week I'll be well on my way to having the Mythical Shirt!!!!

I am absolutely exhausted. MaxBabe has told me that my punishment for putting her through a day of hell is to take her out to dinner tonight. No worries, can do! Luckily it's only up the road so it won't be another expedition. I am totally over today, so I'll be glad to have an early dinner and be asleep by 2030.

I just had the most vivid, horrible nightmare. In it, I was attending graduation. We'd flown down to Wagga and were basically separated from the moment we touched down. I found our hotel and someone put our bags into the hotel room. MaxBabe basically disappeared from the dream at that point. I put on my suit, and in MaxBabe's absence, went to the reception people and asked them how it looked. They gave me a look that said, "Gee, that's awful. How do we say it without being offensive?". I looked at the suit and it wasn't my suit. It was some god-awful blue and orange checkered thing. I raced upstairs and couldn't find my suit, shirt, belt, shoes or anything useful. A local navy person gave me her jacket to wear along with her shirt (somehow, all badges of rank vanished, how convenient!). I had no choice but to wear the blue and orange monstrosity pants. MaxBabe appeared long enough for me to announce that we'd forgotten to buy shoes. She produced a pair of shoes that looked like mary janes on top with running shoe soles, completely caked in dust. I brushed off the dust (which went all over the jacket) and put them on with black socks. Then I realised graduation started in ten minutes so we raced to the uni. We got there to be told that we had to register, but nobody knew where registration was. We eventually found it, and we were just about to go in when someone reminded me I didn't have my academic gown. I raced to the gown hire place, which was basically shutting up shop, and pled my case. They let me in and directed me to some drug-fucked student. On the way to the student, someone I used to work with asked if I was graduating from some business course. I said no, and she said "Oh, I only ask because so-and-so is". So-and-so being someone I work with, to whom we refer as "the hoff". GAH! I avoided her and the hoff, and found the drug-fucked student. She basically went about pretending to help me, but not actually helping me. I reminded her that the clock was ticking, and she found more excuses to not find me a gown etc. MaxBabe was still hanging around as I could hear the band start to play, and I hurried her off so she could join the audience in time. Drug-fucked moron kept dragging things on and on and on until the hire shop manager announced they were closing and kicked everyone out. I kicked up a huge stink, to the extent that security was called and they wrestled me to the ground and tried to detain me. I somehow escaped, found the drug-fucked moron's stash, and with it in hand, enticed her to come help me. I can't recall if I did or didn't eventually get the academic dress, and in fact there's much more that happened in that segment of the dream, but I just can't articulate it. In any case, I found myself trying to get into graduation and was refused entry because I'd missed the cutoff. So MaxBabe and my parents (don't know how they suddenly appeared there) travelled all the way to Wagga to see me not graduate.

GAH! I was so upset by that dream I half-screamed and woke myself up with it. Thank god MaxBabe's a heavy sleeper.

Interpreting the dream is a no-brainer, so I'm not going to bother writing it here. I think I might go read a bit more of my book now. That'll settle me down. Maybe I'll nod off for a little while.

Well, the winners of the Borders chain book comp have been announced. My entry pales in comparison to some of these.

The other day, I pulled out my Wii Fit with the intent of doing some of the yoga stretches. That done, I decided to do some of the hoola hoop game. I'd forgotten just how much that game works the abs. My entire torso has been on fire ever since. Every movement produces dicomfort, a reminder that I really should not have hoola hooped as much as I did.

I picked up my suit from the suit place last night. It is very black. And damn, I look hot in it! I wanted to put it on when I got home, but I realised the problem with the suit being so black is that my entire house is covered in dog hair. White dog hair. GRRR!!! I went into the spare room, the one room that he is not allowed into, and removed the suit from its carry bag. The moment I did so, I imagined millions of tiny white hairs gravitating to the material. I put the suit on, left it on long enough to tell myself I looked hot, then put it straight back into the bag. God, I hope it's still black when I wear it at graduation! I asked the chick at the shop for the name of a decent tailor. I've resigned myself to the fact that I will probably not find the shirt I'm looking for and will need to get it made. More $$$ but I am determined to look exactly how I want to look for my (*&@#$ graduation. No second-bests, no near-enoughs, no almost-but-not-quites.

I have discovered the perfect pre-ride breakfast. 220g tin of baked beans in ham sauce, a slice of 9-grain bread, toasted, and 20g of philadelphia cheese 80% reduced fat. Twice now, I've had this breakfast and gone on to absolutely cane the bike. I'll be eating this as a pre-ride meal on Sunday morning.

I have nothing of merit to post today, so I present to you some light-hearted, "idiot"-themed images:

... to finding the mythical shiny, purple shirt that I want to wear to graduation. I swear I've seen OB wearing this shirt in an episode of SVU, but fucked if I'm going to watch every episode in the hopes of finding it. I've been doing google searches on "womens' satin dress shirt", "purple satin shirt", "satin dress shirt" and any number of permutations of the words "women", "satin", "dress" and "shirt". Hell, I even tried "olivia benson shirt" in the hopes that it would produce something of use. The "olivia benson shirt" search was a complete dud in terms of producing hits for what I was looking for, but did produce a surprisingly large number of hits on SVU slash fiction. I'll have to check those results out later.

Finally, in an act of desperation, I searched simply on "satin shirt". Why the hell didn't I do this earlier? It seems the mythical, shiny, purple shirt actually exists!!!

(just imagine this one in purple, mmmkay?)

Now all I have to do is find the shirt locally, or if all else fails, have someone make it for me.

Today I went for a ride with BestMate/RidingBuddy. Talk about a perfect day for riding. The weather was absolutely superb. I had the ride of my life too, with an average speed of 23 point something Kph, which is just a touch under my PB. Independently of this, however, there is a stretch of path that is always tough due to headwinds. Today, the headwinds were noticeably absent (or perhaps a touch of tailwind) and I was able to hit... and maintain... 38Kph. I absolutely NAILED that stretch. I felt like I'd just taken that path into a corner and bitch-slapped it. So - to any of the people who've been trying to talk me into a drop-bar road bike, because "flatbar bikes can't go fast", all I can say is this: BITE ME.

Unfortunately the joy didn't last. I noticed a strange sound coming from the back of the bike. It sounded like some sort of abrasion/rubbing noise. In horror, I thought it might be the brake pads rubbing against the wall of the tyre. This sort of thing results in a catastrophic tyre failure - catastrophic not just for the tyre, but also for the rider. You do NOT want to experience a tyre wall blowout at speed. So we pulled up at around the 20Km mark to examine the bike. The pads were a little close and off-centre, so I adjusted them, but the noise was still present. In frustration, I disengaged the brakes altogether, to find that the brakes were not the source of the problem. I was really mad by this point. I knew it would be a bad idea to do our planned 100Km ride, because by this point I was thinking it might be the axle/bearings/some other important part of the bike. So we nursed the bike home. Round trip: 43Km. Very unhappy about it because I knew from the moment the ride started, that I was going to have the ride of my life - fast, long, energetic. Instead, it was cut short by something that I couldn't diagnose/fix on the side of the road. *sigh*

I plonked the bike onto the workstand just now and it is a conical shaped rubbery bit that is part of the axle assembly. I suspect that this conical shaped rubbery bit is in fact a dust cap, and whilst not a mechanically significant component of the drivetrain, helps to protect it and therefore needs to replaced/lubricated. I suspect I could do this myself, if only I knew how, and if only I had the right lubricant/parts. However, since I don't have any of the required knowledge, lubricant or parts - off to the doc she goes. I'll take the bike to the LBS up the road from work tomorrow. I hope they can get this thing done before the Great Brisbane Bike Ride next Sunday.

Now, I know I've probably mentioned Olivia Benson a lot in my last few posts. In fairness, everyone has someone they think is totally hot. This chick is the goods. I particularly wanted to find a pic of Benson in one of her suits, but I just cannot find the quintessential pic of that. So you'll just have to settle for this pic, which is so many kinds of hot I don't know where to start!

So yesterday, I decided to go suit shopping. The goal was to find something nice to wear at my graduation, and perhaps something to wear to job interviews. We went to Chermside and made a beeline for Myer. I've never really shopped in the women's section before, because I've just been too "solid" for women's clothes. So I didn't really know what I was looking for, or what size. We found some nice pants that I wanted to try on. Last time I went shopping in the women's section, I was a size 18-going-on-20. So I decided to try on a size 16. Imagine my surprise when they wouldn't even stay up!!!! A huge grin on my face, I turned to MaxBabe and declared I wasn't even a 16! Turns out size 14 is the go now. The last time I was a size 14 was when I was a starving undergraduate student, age 18. SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!! So we bought the pants and tried to find a jacket.

Went to Sportscraft and found one that was very nice (size 16 up top, stupid shoulders). The sales woman told me that if I joined their super duper special VIP club I could get ten percent off the jacket, saving me $40. Ehhh, what? This jacket is FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS?!?!?!!!! MaxBabe told me I'd find something nice much cheaper than that, so I politely begged off, and we kept searching.

We stumbled upon a place called Elio Moda, which at first glance appeared to me to be a formal suit hire place or maybe some upper-class clothes place. I figured we might find something in there. The sales woman was very helpful. I told her I needed a jacket and she immediately asked what the occasion was. I told her it was for a graduation ceremony and she congratulated me etc. I explained I have no idea what my size is anymore due to the weight loss, so she immediately measured me and found something that fit. And OH. MY. GOD. Damn, I looked good. She explained how certain jackets are worn in certain ways etc.. all was news to me, since I, of course, know nothing about style or fashion. Then she took one look at the pants I'd bought at Myer and told me she could find me something much nicer. And she did. Then she set about measuring me for the pants, and adjusting them for length etc, pinned it all up for the tailor and plonked me in front of the mirror. OH. MY. GOD.

Now, my measure for determining if something is hot, is to compare it to the character Olivia Benson, as played in Law & Order: SVU by Mariska Hargitay. If something looks as good on me as it does on her, then I know I've found myself in white hot sexiness territory. All I can say is - Olivia Benson, eat your heart out.

Ultimately, my new suit set me back $850. It's off to the tailor for adjustment and will be ready later this week. I knew full well going into the hunt for a suit that I wouldn't have much change from $1000. But damned if I'm going to spend $1000 at Myer, where the girl was sooooooo interested in helping me that I got no attention from her until I gave her my bank card. And even then, that was in between her having a conversation with another employee about how she's hung over. And the woman at Sportscraft, her only participation in the process was to offer me the deal of the century by signing me up to their spam list and save me $40 in the process. Ladies and gentlemen, my money goes to the people who could be bothered helping me. And the people at Elio Moda were top notch. MaxBabe was so impressed with their service, she's decided to get herself a nice suit from them, too. Guess where I'll be going the next time I need fancy clothes?

It's not all good news though. I didn't find the sort of shirt I'm looking for, and I'm yet to embark upon the shoe-finding journey. It seems that my steel-cap factory issue boots are not appropriate for such an occasion!

Whenever I find myself thinking that the world has gone to shit, I have only to do a google search to find something to make me laugh. A search on, of all things, "olivia benson clothes" returned this image hit:

I was on the Borders website the other day, and discovered a competition. The competition is basically this: some famous author that I've never heard of writes the first and last chapters to a book. 28 lucky winners write a chapter each to fill in the blanks. The prize is having your chapter compiled with the others and published in the book. The grand prize is having a phone call with said famous author (did I mention I've never heard of him?). To enter, one had to write 250-odd words following this starting sentence: "The sky had turned grey as the four men walked nervously past the police car.". Since the competition has closed, and evidently I didn't win, I figure there's no harm in publishing my entry. So here it is:

The sky had turned grey as the four men walked nervously past the police car. The car hadn’t moved in days. At first, Dean and his friends had assumed the local cops were trying to keep city hall’s promise of being more visible. But apart from the car itself, there was no trace of New York’s finest. No surprise, really. It was the sort of neighbourhood that even the cops were scared to visit.

But what about the car? Dean and his friends kept walking, nervously scanning the street. They stopped at the end of the block, paused, then turned back to the car. They huddled briefly, whispering amongst themselves. The men stood back, and Dean sauntered up to the car, trying to appear casual while his friends kept watch. He peered into one of the car’s windows as the first few spits of rain fell on his head. Damnit, too dark to see. He tried the driver’s door. He prepared himself for the scream of a car alarm. The door opened. Silence.

Hands shaking, he pulled the door fully open and looked inside. It looked like the inside of every other cop car he’d been in, complete with requisite coffee stains on the dash. Everything looked like a regulation issue cop car. Radio, notepads, batons clamped to the centre console. No guns, though. Didn’t cops keep shotguns in the back somewhere? Dean popped his head out of the car, looked around at his friends keeping watch, then lifted the trunk release latch. It clicked open, and he walked quickly to the trunk.

Predictably, the rest would surely involve finding something awful or surprising in the trunk and the rest of the story grows from there. I might just go ahead and write the rest of the chapter anyway, just to see what I can invent!

I've just realised that tomorrow is weigh-in day, and there's no avoiding the gain, so I'm not going to cry about it. What's done is done. Move on, get over it, tomorrow is another day etc etc.

This weekend's going to be busy. I'm going to a Bike Week bike maintenance workshop on Saturday, then going to get my hair cut and buy myself a new suit and associated trappings for a) graduation and b) job interviews. I have it in my head that now that I've lost weight, perhaps I can actually look good in nice clothes a la Olivia Benson, instead of, say, Rosie O'Donnell. Sunday I'm tossing up between going for a ride with my mum (at stupid o'clock, a 90 minute drive away) or doing the Jindalee ride again. At this stage, I'm hedging towards the Jindalee ride, but it's been a while since I've gone on a ride with mum, so I might just go down there after all. Also, I want to give J a call to see if she's free to catch up. Part of me is a little anxious that despite the promises to catch up someday, she actually doesn't want to catch up and is just trying to be polite/nice. I'll send her a note tomorrow to see if she's free.

No more progress on the bike front, except that I have received some useful advice from a fellow bike chick on the bicycles.net.au forums. More food for thought, though I'm still in the "it's all too hard" mindset at the moment.

I've been updating my resume, slowly but surely. I'm trying to figure out what it is I actually do at work these days. The answer is "not much", but I'm pretty sure one shouldn't use that level of honesty in a resume.

I've put on a shitload of weight the last couple weeks. I'm talking kilos. I haven't exercised enough and I haven't eaten properly, so it's really no surprise. I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life exercising like crazy or watching every single thing I eat in order to maintain a healthy weight. Whinge, bitch, moan, whine etc.

#1: I am still on the never-ending hunt for a new bike. I went into NRG cycles at Jindalee yesterday and had a chat with them. They asked me if I'd considered a women's-specific bike, and I have to say it hadn't even occurred to me. Anyway, they asked why I wanted a flatbar, and I said it was because I liked the riding position, comfort etc. They suggested that if comfort was my issue with a drop bar, then it was likely because I'd never ridden a properly-fitted drop bar bike before. It was a pretty logical argument. They did an informal fitting on a Sarah Ulmer Brand bike, a subzero 3. And I have to say, it felt worlds apart from what I thought it would.

NRG's position is basically that if the fit is right, it doesn't matter if it's a drop or flat bar, it will feel good. It seems that riding a men's bike and trying to retro-fix the fit (eg with stems, seat height etc) is not doing me any favours. They have a biomechanical engineer on staff to do fittings, and from talking to him yesterday, I've no doubt he knows what he's talking about. Unfortunately, because I want a bike with a certain standard of componentry, there are no women's-specific flat bar bikes that will meet my requirements.

They also said that if push came to shove and if after a few weeks, I really did not like the drop bar experience, they could do a conversion to flatbar. I ran all of this past the font of knowledge of all things cycling -- my mum -- and she basically said it was six of one and half a dozen of the other. Her take on "womens" bikes is - the only difference is that they're small, and usually pink. So now I just don't know what to think. Actually, I do. I think my bike is just fine and doesn't need to be replaced, so that's the end of it. GRRRR.

#2: The job I wanted to go for has been removed from their web site. I was sure the closing date was still a week away, but evidently it is not. So I miss out because I'm a loser who doesn't pay attention to important things like job closing dates. GRRR.

#3: After last week's encounter with the Evil Secretary (in which she informed me that the shirts and jeans I've been wearing to work for the last six years are no longer appropriate and I have to replace my wardrobe) and given that I might attend some job interviews in the near future, I thought it might be nice to see if my suit still fits. I can't find the suit pants at all. And the jacket is about a billion sizes too big for me now. I look like a kid getting dressed in grandpa's old jacket. So now I'm up for a new suit and shirts and probably shoes, to wear to interviews (work get can fucked on this one - I've got six years of precedent), which means more $$$. GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

I really don't want this blog to turn into a Blog O Whinges, but it seems it's getting that way. *sigh*

I went for a nice 30Km ride today. It felt great. The weather is just perfect for riding - not too hot, not too cold, a nice breeze. I'm very happy about being back on the bike. I have a 30-something Km ride tomorrow with BestMate and a friend from BLC, so that should be good.

Work has been absolutely shit the last few days. I've resolved to make this year the year that I get another job. I talked to MaxBabe the other day about a job I'm interested in, one that would make me feel good about myself - I think - but wind up $20K poorer per annum. She said I should go for it! I was surprised by this. I thought she'd say things like "you shouldn't take a pay cut" etc.. but she didn't. She told me she'd rather I was sane than rich. God, I love that woman.

MitchMutt's ears are playing up again. He's visiting the vet this morning. *sigh* Later today I will visit a couple bike shops to have a look at some bike porn. I rang around all the Avanti dealers in Brisbane this week and nobody keeps the Blade 5.0 in stock. They all gave me some story about nobody buying high-end flatbars. Well, that might just change if you kept the bloody things in stock!!!! I have the money, I'm ready to buy - all I want to do is have a test ride so that I can see if it's the bike for me. Only one dealer volunteered the fact that the geometry of the Blade 4 is the same - so if I like the feel of the 4, I'll like the 5. He'll be getting a visit later today after doggo has seen the doc. Another dealer suggested I might like a women's-specific bike. Hmm. I dunno.. still, he'll get a visit from me too. I have to say I'm almost 100% psychologically committed to the Avanti, but if he makes a compelling argument, I might just change my mind.

Three days into my deal with myself to ride every other day, and I have faltered. I got up today at 0430, all raring to go. I'd put out all my riding gear the night before so I could just jump into my clothes and jump onto the bike. Minor problem: it's dark out. I don't mean twilight dark or a little bit dark or see silhouettes dark. I mean black as pitch.

I've been standing on the deck out back, watching the sky slowly lighten, but by the time it gets light enough to see properly, it'll be too late to leave and still get a decent ride in. Of course, my lights aren't charged either

I could do some Spinervals, but I don't especially want to do Spinervals today, and besides, the whole point of this was to get me motivated to get back on the actual bike. *sigh* I'll charge the lights tonight and go for a ride tomorrow.

Edit: It's 0530 now and I've just stuck my head outside. Though it's a little bit light now, it's still not good enough to ride without lights. I feel a little less guilty about not going out now.

Day one back at work after a week off, and within minutes I wanted to throttle everyone within reach. Lots of dumb stuff, but the last straw was yet another fuckup related to this fucking printer project. I lost it and emailed the boss that I was a hair's breadth from resigning and that I'd had enough of this shit.

I'm seriously looking for work elsewhere. I just can't take anymore. Now that I'm getting one of them new-fangled university degree things, maybe employers will take a serious look at me.

Meanwhile, from www.emazon.tv, I present to you one of the world's dumbest promotional ads. The site itself is full of cliche. It's worth a visit just for the LOL factor.

I learnt a few days ago that there is someone even nerdier than me, and he is graduating with a GPA of 7. When I first heard about it, my heart sank and I was uber-disappointed. I thought that I didn't even want to attend the graduation anymore. But after a few days of reflection, I've decided that it's not the end of the world, and that I have earnt the right to attend the graduation and hold my head high. The graduation is in Wagga, of all places, and to travel there and back will cost $1000 for me and MaxBabe. Sheesh. I'm going to cash in a bucketload of frequent flier points in the hope of reducing that balance somewhat, but it's still going to hurt financially.

No decisions yet RE the new bike, but I've narrowed the field even further. I'm looking at the Avanti Blade 5.0, Trek 7.7FX and an Apollo Zap. I'm leaning towards the Avanti right now. In light of my recent lack of interest to ride, I made a deal with myself a few days ago. If I ride my bike every other day for the next three months, I'll allow myself to get a nice, new bike. If not, well, I stay on my current steed!

Meanwhile, I went for a ride with BestMate today that left me feeling exhausted and defeated. It was supposed to be from Samford to Dayboro and back, but at the halfway point to Dayboro, I knew there was no way I'd make it there and have the energy to ride all the way back. We turned back and the round trip ended up around 28Km instead of 56. To make things worse, I had the displeasure of dealing with my bike skipping on its low gears, which caused a sudden gear shift going up a steep hill followed by the chain falling off and my legs whizzing madly. I unclicked in the nick of time and prevented a fall into gravel. The derailleur maintenance I'd been putting off had to be performed on the side of the road, in full view of every other cyclist who passed us. Cursing under my breath, I decided then and there that if my bike screwed up again during that ride, I'd be taking it straight to the local Avanti dealer for a trade-in! Fortunately for my bike, it played nice after that, and the rest of the ride was uneventful. It seems that cursing at a bike really does help.

Stopped at a cafe afterwards for a bite to eat, and ran into J. I haven't seen her in easily 2, maybe 3 years. I'd been wanting to catch up with her but we never seemed to be in the same place at the same time. We make promises to catch up but never do. Just the other day I was thinking about her daughter, wondering how she's going, how she's growing up etc.. odd that I should run into J just a few days later.

Anyway, I'm home now and it is (*&@#$ hot. I've been sitting on the couch in my boxers with a weak fan feebly blowing on me, hoping for relief. I'm not good with heat, so I hope this weather goes away soon. I'd rather the rain, to be honest.

No university medal for me. Some other nerd is actually graduating with a GPA of 7.

Do not change the format of a data feed, then tell me about it after the fact, with a one-line email that says, "We've changed the format of the feed, so make sure you adjust your systems before auto-importing it". Dickheads.

Lots of love,
Max

A couch that's been converted into a recumbent bicycle. Or.. a recumbent bicycle that's been converted into a couch. It's hard to tell, but who cares? Enjoy!

Every once in a while I stumble across a forum post or web site that reminds me that even bad movies have their good points. Specifically - the top 20 hottest women of action movies.

... thank Og Almighty, I'm free of this degree at last!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I passed exam 70-297 today, a Microsoft industry exam, with a score of 863. I wasn't especially pleased about the score, I was hoping for 900+, but ultimately the score doesn't matter. It's pass/fail in the great scheme of things.

The exam consisted of a seemingly endless parade of case studies (though I think it might have actually been only 6). For the first time ever, I found myself struggling to finish the exam within the allotted time. Each case study had a particular time allocated to it, and once finished, you could not review previous case studies. So I had to be sure it was right! I wasn't even half-way through reading the first case study when it popped up and gave me a warning about only having 5 minutes left to complete the answers. Holy shit! My mind went into overdrive and I started speed-reading and jotting notes like a crazy cheetah on speed, hoping that I caught enough of the nuances to understand which answers would be right. Evidently, I got most of the answers right

As for the practice exams I purchased.. Transcender practice exams were right on the money in terms of content and layout. MeasureUps blew chunks and I will not use them again.

In finishing this exam, I've completed the 2000 MCSE (only about 9 years too late) and I will be graduating from my degree with a GPA of 6.83. There's a tiny part of me that is smugly sure I'll be in the running for the university medal. But that, of course, requires that every other graduant not be as nerdy as me - which is certainly not a given. But in any case, I'll have a Masters of Networking and Systems Administration (with Distinctions). Fuck yeh!!!!! And importantly, I'll be done with this degree that's taken me six damn years to complete, I'll finally have a piece of paper worth highlighting in my resume, and maybe.. just maybe.. I can use it to get a better job.

I'm so glad to have this thing done and dusted. YEEEHAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As of today, I have lost 22Kg. I'm stoked!!!!!!

I just had a very heated discussion with Vodafone that left me shaking with anger. So in the interests of lightening things up, I present to you - the moonwalking bear:

You know, I think the people who participate in Critical Mass are complete ninnies. By taking over a major city's CBD in the middle of peak hour, they inconvenience all other road users. And for what, to be able to say, "Hey, we're road users too?". Well, road users, all of them, should abide by the law - stopping at red lights, giving way etc.

Nevertheless, this cyclist did nothing to deserve what happened to him. Absolutely shameful behaviour from an officer of the law. He faces four years in jail if found guilty of assault and other charges - and rightly so. Police officers should set the example, not be the lowest common denominator. The scary part is that had he not been caught on tape (and you-tubed, no less), he would never have been caught, questioned, or ultimately sacked.

And Measureup can go and get fucked some more. The questions it asks are nonsensical and based on the most contrived assumptions. The one that has just attracted my ire is a question whose answer revolves around assigning domain controllers and DNS servers an IP address via DHCP. Using reservations. Instead of, you know, doing what every other motherfucking network admin and his dog does.. which is to assign it statically. For crying out loud, these questions are supposed to be based on realistic scenarios. What happens when the DHCP server shits itself? Oh, right, APIPA! And authentication and name resolution can go out the fucking window. Idiots.

If you take a big swig of water, only to discover that you're swallowing it the wrong way, do not cough/nose-splurt said water directly into the nearby laser printer. In particular, do not do this twice in two days. I cannot emphasise this enough.

I would just like to say that a google search of "Measureup can go and get fucked" produces some very interesting results indeed.

And yes, MeasureUp can go and get fucked. The answers in their practice exams are nonsensical.

Very fucked off. Guilted myself into getting onto the bike, got all geared up and ready to go, got the bike out of the storage room... and it's started raining. It's the sort of spitting that can't make up its mind if it's going to keep just spitting, or if it's the prelude to a downpour. I don't feel like taking my chances on having to ride through a downpour, so here I am, back inside. FUCK OFF, RAIN! Can't you see I'm trying to get myself back in the saddle?????

After spending hours finding out the tech specs of these bikes, trying to make sense of the tech specs, then looking up local prices for them etc I've decided that my decision will probably be based upon colour, availability and flipping a coin. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trek 7.7FX
Specialized Sirrus Pro
Apollo Zap
Giant CRX Zero
Avanti Blade 5.0
Orbea Diem Blue
Cannondale Quick 1

I've been doing more research on the bikes that have caught my eye. The decision will probably come down to the components of the bike (eg entry-level vs mid-range vs the bike is more pro than I'll ever be) and price. Most of the bikes of interest are between $1200 and $3000. I've decided that a sub-$1000 bike is probably not worth spending the money on, given it won't be much of a step up from what I currently have. And, again.. I still can't deny that my bike is just fine as it is. So it may be that six months from now, I'm still riding the same steed!

I think I've been a bit down about cycling because I've been on a craptacular plateau for months. Well, maybe not months, but it sure feels like it. Especially after January's epic effort of 400+Km in the first few weeks. I think I lost a bit of enthusiasm because it didn't seem to be helping weight loss - which is totally the wrong attitude to have. It should be riding for fun, and if weight happens to fall off, that's a bonus. So I gotta get my head straight there. Meanwhile, I've dropped 2Kg in 3 days, which in itself is freaking me out as I've been eating badly (though within my allocation) and not exercising. It's a big WTF moment for me, and there's a tiny, eeny, weeny part of me that hopes I gain a little weight in the next day or two so that things are back to "normal" weight loss for me.

Anyway.. time for breakfast (I slept in today, yippee!) and to see if I can't convince myself to go for a little ride.

A blog O' Plesk hints

Check your DNS is working:

LOLZ!

You know, if companies like BitDefender can't get it right, what hope do the rest of us stand?

I saw a show on the crime channel this evening, something I caught whilst channel surfing. It was a documentary about primordial dwarves. As I understand it, primordial dwarves are the smallest dwarves whose bodies are in proportion. Hearing them speak, it was tough not to compare them to the munchkins from the wizard of oz. I know that's a really uninformed way of seeing it, but it was the first thing that came to mind. There was some very interesting commentary about the challenges they face - physical, emotional etc. Most don't live to see their thirties, which I found pretty sad. I couldn't help but wonder though.. what on earth was it doing on the crime channel??

Did a few practice exams at work today. Results were absolute shite, which means I need to focus on my weak points now. I really don't want to, but what choice do I have? I just want to get this damn degree over with.

I may be in the market for a new bike soon. I love my bike, but I think I might be ready for more. Or maybe, I'm almost ready for more. Or... just a bit obsessed with having some bling. All the bikes I like are thousands of dollars, of course, and I just feel like it's too much money to spend. But on the other hand.. I love riding (despite my current funk) and why shouldn't I spend the dosh on something I love? Oh, that's right. I'm supposed to be saving for a house deposit!!!!

Anyway.. study awaits.

It is 0445. I've been awake since 0230. I spent two hours tossing and turning, trying to sleep, then 15 minutes actually asleep. I should've just got up at 0230, cos I feel like shit now.

I got up early this morning to do a bit of study. But before I did some study, I thought I'd just check my email. 15 minutes of my life gone. Then I checked the BLC forums. Another 15 minutes of my life gone. Then I heard the dog shaking his head, so had to clean his ears. Another 15 minutes of my life gone. Better write something in this blog. Another however many minutes gone. All of these things have successfully distracted me from my intended purpose, which is to get some study in before work. And now it is twenty to six, which means I have at best 20 minutes to devote to it, which is barely enough time to get warmed up, so I'm not even going to start. Distraction successful. I realised yesterday that I have barely a week to go before my exam, and I've done sweet fuck-all study. This is very much a pattern of mine, one that causes me no end of stress and anxiety. You'd think I'd've learnt by now. Thank god this is the last exam.

The dog is still shaking his head. He's had a string of ear infections this year, one of which resulted in an aural haematoma, so I'm a tad concerned about him at the moment. I hope it's just a case of some piece of crud being lodged in there rather than some festering, disgusting infection.

MaxBabe and I went to see "He's Just Not That Into You" last night. It was OK, but ultimately disappointing. The best bits were condensed into the five-minute preview (the one that convinced me to go see the movie), the rest was an hour and 55 minutes of introspective tedium. The ending was mostly predictable, and in fact somewhat counter to the premise of the movie. There were laughs to be had, but overall I left feeling that a promise had gone unfulfilled.

I finally got back in the saddle yesterday, and went for a ride with MaxMum and BestMate. They decided to climb up Mt Coot-Tha. I, being sane, decided to keep riding and went for a noodle along the riverside bikeway and Kangaroo Point. At Kangaroo Point, the council has wisely separated the bike paths from the people paths. They are designated for bicycles only - clearly identified by signs and painted pictures. Every once in a while, you encounter some fool walking along the bicycle path. Yesterday was such a day. I'd just been passed by Mr Pro Lycra. I tailed him for a bit, then slowed down as we came around a bend. Mr and Mrs Dickhead were walking along the bike path, taking up the entire path. I rang my bell to alert them (since Mr Pro Lycra, like so many 1337 riders, didn't have one). Pop quiz: If you are walking along a dedicated bicycle path, and hear a bell ringing behind you, do you:

a) Move over to the left, let the bikes through, then realise your error and go walk on the people path
b) Move over to the left, let the bikes through, then keep walking
c) Do nothing
d) Look behind you, see the bikes coming, and walk directly into the bikes' path, causing a near miss?

Guess what Mr and Mrs Dickhead chose. Go on, guess. If you chose option d, you're right. I screamed (from about 5 metres behind Mr Pro Lycra) at Mr and Mrs D to move to the left. They screamed at me that they were getting off the path for us (ie that we should be grateful). I can't remember quite what I yelled at them after that, something along the lines of they shouldn't be on the path anyway, they in turn yelled at me that we (the bicycles, on the bicycle-only path) should be more careful (presumably, "of moronic pedestrians who can't read and have a sense of entitlement to every bit of path they see" was the unspoken end to that sentence). I contemplated stopping and headbutting them both (thereby raising our collective IQs and also doing the cycling world a favour), but decided I like my helmet too much to crack it on some moron's skull, and also I just wanted to keep riding. I gave them the finger, let off a parting salvo of "It's a BIKE path!!!" and kept rolling.

I met MaxMum and BestMate for a bite to eat, then rode back to his place. Went home and flaked out for the rest of the day. Well, I tried to. MaxBabe decided she needed repeated lessons on how to copy and paste. This came almost every ten minutes or so and drove me fucking batty. In the end, I told her I was having a nap and went to lie down, just so she'd stop bugging me. Dear MaxBabe: For the love of all that's holy, read the books you bought, the ones that tell you how to use Windows and Office. I just can't keep telling you the same stuff over and over. It's making us want to kill each other!!!!

Anyway, I have now successfully wasted the entire hour I'd set aside for study. Way to go, Max.

I've enjoyed your downpours, but it's the weekend now, and that means I want to get on my bike. Enough with the rain, ok?

Random link o' LOLZ: Daily Updates on the World of Sweet, Sweet Bacon

My calves have started hurting for no apparent reason. They feel tight and sore and unhappy. I'm taking this as a hint from my body that it really wants to get back on the bike. Hopefully the rain will stop tomorrow and I can go for a leisurely ride out to Nudgee and back.

It's pouring rain outside. I love the sound of it. I love how it makes me feel, how relaxing it is. It's preventing me from going for a ride, of course, but I'm OK with that today. I just want to keep hearing that rain fall.

The neighbours' baby will not stop screaming. It screams day in, day out, non-stop. It's been going on for MONTHS. I'm not exxagerating. MONTHS. I don't know how the kid's mum deals with it. It drives me batshit crazy and I'm not even in the same house as them. Poor thing (baby and mum alike).

The situation in Victoria is awful. I donated $10 to the red cross appeal yesterday, and felt guilty about not giving more. How do people recover from losing everything? Will $10 really make a difference.. etc. Still, every little bit helps, I guess. It's difficult for me to even imagine hundreds of deaths from fire. A small, tiny part of me wonders why the hell these people didn't leave their homes as fast as they could, rather than hang around to be burnt to death. But another small, tiny part of me empathises. Leave and certainly lose everything, or stay and fight the fire and maybe save your home? My understanding is that the fire moved very quickly.. there were people who left it too late to leave, who tried to escape in their cars and ended up dying a hundred metres from their homes, trapped in their cars. Awful.

On a happier (?) topic, I haven't done a lick of exercise since the weekend, and even that was forced. I'm in a couldn't-be-bothered funk, one of my (thankfully) infrequent self-destructive, self-derailing moods. I'm hoping I snap out of it soon. My bike is sitting downstairs crying from loneliness, and all I can say to it is that I'll ride it tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes round, and I tell it "tomorrow", and so on. I'll probably go down there on the weekend to find it's slashed its own tyres in a pathetic bid for attention.

The last few weeks have been pretty busy at work. This week sees the commencement of the deployment phase of a project that was offloaded to me last year. I remember being pretty annoyed at the time, at being handed a half-baked project while the project manager went on leave. I was given the impression that I was just keeping things rolling until he came back (six weeks later). So I, foolishly, did not double-check his work. I just assumed it was all under control and I just needed to keep the wheels turning. I was wrong. Many of the decisions made RE model selection were just plain wrong. He allowed people from other business units to make decisions about our business unit - without even knowing how we do business! W. T. F.

The whole thing was very badly scoped, some very uninformed decisions were made (emphasis: not by me) and now our business is paying the price in the form of very unhappy victims of the bad decisions. So I've spent a lot of time on the phone dealing with unhappy people complaining about what this project has done. Yippee. I've made my opinions clear on the way the project was scoped and it's been agreed that part 2 of the project will be done very differently. I want to believe that this is true, but I think that the awful truth is that nothing will change, we'll do exactly what was decided originally, the business will be disgusted with the outcome, and I (being, conveniently for the PM, the public face of this project) will be blamed. The worst part of this is that I fully believe I will be made the PM for this project once this first phase is completed. I really wanted to hand it back to the PM when he returned from leave, but he basically said he wanted me to keep running it.. BAH.

Not much else to say about it except that I hope today is better than yesterday. The rollout officially starts today, thankfully only a couple sites are involved. I'll be glad when this thing is all over.

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

Best spam of the day: "Your wife need your attention? Solve all the problems with IT."

I was intrigued. I'm in the IT industry. And it turns out I had the solution to all my problems all along! Now MaxBabe claims that she likes having a geek for a wife, but this spam just proves what I knew all along. Geek is chic!

Sadly, it just turned out to be an ad for "performance enhancing" drugs. Bummer.

I've decided to give myself a rest from my "obligations". For example, making myself feel bad about not wanting to go for a ride. I'm going to stop doing that. I'm going to give myself a break from study (not that I was doing much to start with). Nothing sinks in when I'm unmotivated. Tonight, I gave myself a break from denying myself treats. I had a chocolate flake icecream, and it was GOOD.

Tomorrow I might go for a ride. Or, I might not. Either way, I'm not going to feel bad about it.

I just couldn't be fucked. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to go for a ride. I don't want to do spinervals. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to study. I don't want to do anything except just sit here and do nothing. I almost couldn't be fucked writing this blog entry.

So, here are some pics from recent rides. First up, my hall o' tyre defects:

Pics from my recent Currumbin ride:

The Currumbin rock pools. I know it just looks like a giant puddle, but it is in fact very nice and peaceful. And there are actual rocks, and something approximating running water further upstream. It's just my phone camera really couldn't capture the essence of it all.

Roadside market sign. Who could go past this?

What's that I see? Mango icecream?

Oh yeh.

Note that I am wearing my "skite" jersey, the one that declares my superiority over all other riders by showing everyone that I did the 100Km Southbank to Southport ride last year. It's too big for me now, so I guess I will have to do the ride again this year to get a smaller jersey.

These are pics of Kedron Brook, next to my regular riding path:

And a funky bike rack. The council installs these at picnic areas along the bike path. They have all sorts of designs. There's one designed to look like a spider, and the spider's legs are the bike racks. But I don't have a photo of that one, so you'll have to settle for this instead:

So much for going for a bike ride this morning. I woke up feeling tired, slept in for about 30 minutes, then eventually got up. Weighed myself, then sat in front of the computer, read the BLC forums then felt guilty about not riding. Where has my motivation gone???

Not five minutes ago, I had a head full of ideas for a blog entry. And now, I can't remember what the hell I was going to write about. Seriously, you'd think I had some sort of brain injury. My forgetfulness frustrates MaxBabe no end. She has conversations with me that I promptly forget, then two days later talks to me about it and I have no idea WTF she's on about. Over the years, she's become accustomed to this annoying personality trait of mine, but I wonder if there will come a time that she just can't take it anymore and smothers me in my sleep!

So, since I can't remember what I was actually going to post about, I'll post some miscellaneous crap instead. I've been watching the Biggest Loser on TV and I have to say it's been fun to watch. There's one chick on there who is 170Kg. I kid you not. After the obligatory "OMG! Holy shit!" reaction came the respect. However she got to that weight is none of my business, but she's putting in the hard work and discipline to lose the weight. Kudos to you, lady.

My sideline business hasn't been going especially well lately. The shit economy hasn't helped. I think a lot of people are being tightarses at the moment, and rightly so. Still, it sucks to see all my hard work going to waste.

On the topic of the sideline business, I was randomly scanning addons for the oscommerce platform and came across one that uses the GeoIP Pear PHP module. It's quite interesting. Basically, it takes an IP address, interrogates a database, and figures out where that IP address is from. I think I might like to use this to prevent people from certain countries (eg China, Russia, India and a few others) from visiting my site. They are routinely troublemakers, spammers and scriptkiddies. And it's not like I sell to overseas anyway. I might do a bit of development work over the weekend to see if I can easily integrate it.

I did a Spinervals workout on the trainer yesterday morning. I did the Team Clydesdale workout, which is apparently low intensity. It was OK for the most part, but there were sections of it where I was instructed to spin as fast as possible. I managed to sustain a cadence of around 157 RPM. That was OK the first two times, but the third time was hard and the fourth time almost killed me. I felt great yesterday, but today my legs are killing me!!!! I think I might go for an actual bike ride tomorrow morning instead of doing another Spinervals workout!

I have one exam left to do to finish off a) my Windows 2000 MCSE and b) my stupid degree. It's booked for the end of this month. According to one set of practice exams, I'm averaging 90%. According to another set, 30%. That's THIRTY percent. This is why I never trust just a single practice exam. Too many gaps in knowledge, too many assumptions about actual exam content. This exam requires a lot of note-taking and paying attention to subtle details. I think it will turn out to be tougher than the others I've done. Note that I mentioned the MCSE version is 2000. I started this fucking MCSE nine goddamn years ago, and I *STILL* haven't finished it. Am I slack or what. I just need to finish what I start for once already!!

So I still haven't remembered what the hell I was going to write about. So be it, the miscellany will have to do!

The damn toilet is blocked, and the plumber has basically told us we have to cross our legs until he gets here tomorrow morning. Fucksake.

In much brighter news, I have just signed up for Cycle Queensland, a 560Km, 9-day bike ride.

It's time for me to say this out loud: I AM PROUD OF MYSELF. If you'd asked me 12 months ago if I'd sign up for a long-distance ride like this, I would've laughed and called you . Now I'm regularly doing 60-110Km rides on my bike, I've lost a shitload of weight, and this ride, though it will be challenging, will also represent just how far I've come.

Hell yeh.

Best spam of the day: "Would you give up your lung just to be hung?". I swear I'm not making that up!!! Though I do now wonder if there are guys out there who would, you know, give up a lung to be hung. It'd wanna be one awfully big tool.

Speaking of big tools, I've been unfortunate enough to witness a thread on the BLC forums turn into a molten cesspit of anger and venom. The big tools in question are the new moderating staff who clearly don't know when to use the lock function.

It started out as someone venting about their (perceived) feeling of persecution RE using meal replacements for weight loss in place of regular food. I'll admit there's been some grumbling from the troops about BLC promoting this stuff. Still... the vent would've best been had elsewhere, as it predictably turned into a free-for-all. The low point was when the instigator of the thread saw fit to attack a long-term member for no other reason than she had something like "proudly non-shaker" in her forum sig. For crying out loud. This in turn caused said long-timer to retreat from the forums altogether, others rallied to her defence, and still others attacked the defenders for protecting their "queen". Fuck me hard. What the hell is wrong with these people?

And, importantly, why the fuck haven't the mods closed it? Well, I'm glad you asked. When I sent them a PM asking for the thread to be closed, this was the reply:

"Thanks for your note. It is unfortunate that this has caused so much upset.

I can assure you however that Alison Braun, the runner up from last years show, will make a final post on this issue tonight and then the thread will be locked."

Yes folks, you heard it here first. THE THREAD IS BEING KEPT OPEN SO THAT ALISON, SOMEONE I DON'T ACTUALLY GIVE TWO FUCKS ABOUT, CAN POST HER PEARLS OF WISDOM TO ENLIGHTEN THE REST OF US IGNORANT PEONS. And these words are considered so fucking important, that this awful destructive thread is being held open.

Mother. Fuckers.

I've had enough of this off again, on again business. Every time I lose some weight, you put it back on again within days. I'm eating within my limits, and though I could be exercising more, my exercise levels are still within normal parameters. You've been hovering around the 75Kg mark for.. I don't know how long.. MONTHS.. and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just fuck this weight off, already, and keep it off, mmmkay??

So, the last few days have been reasonably good. Friday was totally shitful, a day I don't care to revisit any time soon. Rather than rant about that, I'll just move on. I turned 35 on Saturday, an event I would not have otherwise remembered were it not for MaxBabe and my mum making a fuss

My friend Andrew took me on a ride from his place to Toowong, to stop at the Coffee Club for a birthday breakfast, then back to his place. I've done this ride before, on the bikeway that runs parallel to the Centenary Motorway. It's not an easy ride, but it's not a killer either. But on Saturday, I found it tough. That's what a single week off the bike will do! I got cramps in my calves for about half the ride. When we stopped at the CC, I went to the local 7-11 and got some isotonic powerade. I've used powerade and gatorade in the past to help alleviate cramps. I recently read an article that explained that isotonic powerade is absorbed osmotically (ie almost immediately) rather than being absorbed after being processed by the stomach etc.. so I went with it. I have to say I felt rather good after drinking it but couldn't say if that's because of the isotonic properties, the powerade itself, or just having a big drink.

When we got back to Andrew's place, I put the bike on the carrier, and he said to me, "Maxxxie, what's that??", pointing to a small hole in my front tyre. Hmm. He started inspecting the rest of the tyre and found another small chunk of rubber missing, and a crack around one inch long. Exasperated, he half-screamed, "I can't BELIEVE you!!!! If that'd been my tyre, I would've had three flats by now!!!!!" For background: in all the time I've been riding -- around 30 years -- I've never once suffered a puncture. I've used this as a point of pride and also to gloat with, particularly as Andrew seems to be a puncture magnet. So for him to see my tyre in such a state, without so much as a hiss of air from the tube, frustrated him no end. I thanked him for pointing it out, hugged him goodbye, and went home.

I'd told MaxBabe I wanted some more knicks for my birthday, so she dutifully took me to Epic Cycles. +1 to these guys, the staff are really good. We looked for knicks, and of course they didn't have the ones I wanted in my size. But I found a women's equivalent, and they actually fit me. They're quite a bit shorter than the men's ones I normally wear. So I call them my short-short shorts. This is the sort of thing that makes me laugh, and makes MaxBabe roll her eyes

I took the opportunity to get a new tyre for the front. John, the sales dude, asked me what sort of tyre I wanted. I announced to him that I hadn't once suffered a flat in 30 years and he was absolutely astonished. So I then told him I used this as a means of gloating to my poor friend Andrew, and that I had a record to maintain - so whatever he recommended had to be able to cut the mustard. "Talk about putting the pressure on!!" he joked. I got a GatorSkin tyre (as recommended to me by my mother), and some tubes. I also decided I'd best get some tyre levers. The rest of the conversation between me and John revolved around buying stuff to tease the puncture gods. "New tyre? Who needs a new tyre? C'mon, Puncture Fairy, do your worst!!!" I wanted to get some green goo for the tube, but they didn't have any, and we decided that it really would be torturing the Puncture Fairy to use it, so I left it at that. After that, we went to Tom Wallace Cycles (+1 to these guys, too) to use the rest of an outstanding gift voucher balance to buy some more gloves.

I got home and changed the tyre (and tube). I was pretty proud of myself, but think I could improve the time it took (guessing 30 minutes). In the process, I returned the wheel to the front dropout somewhat out of alignment, resulting in the front brake dragging. Instead of using my brain and thinking.. gee.. the only thing I changed was the wheel alignment, perhaps I should just fix that... I decided to frag around with the brake adjustment. I really should've used my experience from last time (ie the back brakes) to realise that these cheapie brakes just aren't open to much adjustment. I gave up in frustration, having subsequently realised the brakes weren't the problem, and decided to ask my mum for help the next day before our ride. She un-fragged the brakes, and fixed the wheel alignment, and we were on our way.

I'd been looking forward to this ride for ages. It's a 30-something Km round trip through the Currumbin mountain areas. It's very rural, lots of cows and horses etc, with little country road-side markets. I really enjoy the ride. It's peaceful and the traffic is generally respectful of our presence on the road. It's also quite hilly. The last time I did this ride, I felt challenged but did well overall. Yesterday was a different story. I got some calf cramping (though not as bad as Saturday), and generally felt like there was no wind in the sails. The whole thing was a bit stop-start and I felt disappointed with my performance. Still, the ride itself was enjoyable in terms of scenery and company, so it's not all bad We stopped at one of the country markets and had a mango ice treat (mango and banana and passionfruit all frozen together to form an iceblock) and also an incredibly decadent toblerone mud cake. Oh. My. God. It made my head spin.

Anyway - mum took me out for a light meal after that, then gave me my birthday present - a tyre for the rear wheel!!!! So I'll be installing that sometime soon.

Clickety-click!

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As I've been sick this week, I haven't done much in the way of exercise. I did a 50Km ride on Saturday and a 20Km ride on Sunday and haven't done anything since. At weigh-in today, it turns out I've lost 1.2Kg. Here's what the atta-boy had to say:

"Wow! You've lost 1.2kg this week, awesome effort! You should be feeling great about yourself! Keep up the hard work and stand proud! You deserve it!"

Well.. I suppose I might feel proud if I'd actually done some exercise. In fact, on top of not exercising, I've been overeating. Well, overeating according to the BLC allocation. I've been thinking for a while that my weight loss slowed dramatically when I reached my first 10% goal, then even more when I reached my second one. I think it has to do with the resultant drop in calorie allocation. I'm going to bump it up a bit over the next week or two to see what the outcome is. Still, I'm 74.7Kg as of today, and that aint bad.

So you want to be a cyclist - part 1
So you want to be a cyclist - part 2

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Some time ago, I read this article, which describes the results of one guy's fight against spam. The disconnection of McColo, a host which did nothing to stop spam going through its networks, effectively took out 75% of the world's spam problem. And I have to say that my own inbox seems to be much cleaner as a result.

Last year, I took a uni subject whose topic was IT security. Its focus was on the Linux operating system, but there was enough generic material that it got me interested in security not just at the network layer, but also at the application layer.

By examining Apache logs from one of my public-facing servers, I was able to detect attempts at Remote File Inclusion exploits. I downloaded a few of these RFIs, and they weren't anything too malicious in themselves - mostly fingerprinting apps. But I found two that were very interesting and downright sophisticated. One was a simple script that caused the exploited server to send email. In other words, spam. It was nice, but required some spammer to actually sit at the console and enter in addresses, then click "send". The second script was far more substantial. It caused the server to retrieve files from another server, install them and join an IRC botnet. This caused the server to be remotely operated by whoever was in charge of the IRC server. Examining the script revealed spam functions and also Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) functions. I found myself in awe of the person who'd written this script. I also wanted to kill him.

On the topic of poorly-written web apps, I knew from researching osCommerce that a single poorly-written module could compromise an entire site. I actively researched vulnerabilities in osCommerce as a purely educational exercise. The Customer Testimonials SQL injection flaw was well publicised. I set up a dummy site with dummy information, on my local Apache server, and installed the vulnerable code, just to see just how bad it was. It was BAD.

One thing I found interesting was that the bulk of the vulnerability/security/bug reporting sites never really described the exploit in enough detail that a newbie like me could cut'n'paste it into a script. This was annoying, at best, as I could not easily check my development site to see the results of an exploit. I understand why they did it. They don't want noobs getting their hands on recipes on how to exploit vulnerable code. I GET IT! But what about not-so-noobs, who really do need to know how to probe for a vulnerability (eg to ensure that a patch has actually fixed the problem)? I guess that's an open-ended question. But in saying that....

... I did eventually figure out the appropriate code to inject into the Customer Testimonials addin. And I ran it against my dummy site, and wouldn't you know it, I exposed a whole bunch of fictitious credit card numbers. For fun and games, I used Google to find vulnerable sites. I didn't expect to find any. I was wrong. So very, very, very wrong. I managed to expose data on a number of vulnerable osC sites. It put a shiver up my spine. I disconnected my DSL modem at that point. I fully expected visits from the federal police. They never came. I'm sure they would've enjoyed my retelling of the journey of intellectual discovery that caused me to run exploits on public sites. You know, in the name of education.

There is a commonly-held belief that having SSL (Secure Sockets Layer) installed on a site makes the information stored on that site secure. The little padlock you see on your screen when you enter a secure session (https://.....) encrypts the data being passed between your computer and the web site in question only whilst it is being transmitted. Once that data (eg your credit card details) arrives at the web site, there is nothing - NOTHING - preventing that data from being stored in clear text, on a database that can be exploited. And if the web site in question contains exploitable code, it could be as easy as figuring out the right string to cut'n'paste into the right place. Visa (and other vendors) are enforcing a new standard called PCI. The idea here is that a web site that collects/stores information such as credit card details must be in compliance with the standards imposed by PCI, and that failure to do so may result in substantial fines for the vendor.

But there is absolutely nothing to force a vendor into PCI compliance - and some vendors only find out about it after their site has been compromised, and their customers' data exposed. Not only do they get their credit card merchant status revoked (and rightly so), they lose all their customers' business (would you do business with a site you knew had been compromised?), and they get hit with a huge bill from the credit card company.

The days of the average Joe Schmoe setting up a commerce web site to generate side-line revenue are long gone. Anyone thinking of joining the internet sales revolution needs to consider there's more to it than just buying from suppliers and selling to customers. Education and information is key here. Research your obligations. Meet them. Prevent exploitation before it happens. And if you're lucky, after all of that, you'll make a profit.

This illness, whatever it is, is starting to go away. I spent much of yesterday morning lying on the couch under a blanket, shivering. I took some Nurofen which knocked me out for a while, and woke up sweating. This hot-and-cold thing went on most of the day, but in the afternoon I started feeling better. Night came, and brought with it more aches and pains. I'm taking today off work and I hope this thing just finally goes away. So far, so good!

Went for a ride with Andrew this morning. I knew the moment I woke up there was no way I'd do the Samford/Dayboro trip, so we decided to ride from Toowong, through UQ, around the river etc. Problem is, within 1 Km of departing, I started feeling like death warmed up. My legs had absolutely no strength in them. By the time we got to UQ (a whopping 4Km) I was in so much pain I told him there was no way I could even climb the ramp up to the stupid green bridge. So we rode around UQ half a dozen times, then went back to our start point. While we were at UQ, I took the opportunity to ride around my old campus. It's changed a lot, but still has that feel about it - the feel of an old-school educational institute, with a long history of academic achievement. It was nice.

Anyway, cut a long story short, I got home and just died. All my joints are sore and my body feels like it's on fire - like when you get really badly sunburnt. Except I'm not sunburnt. I've been drinking water constantly since coming home and have taken some nurofen to try to deal with the "hot" feeling and joint pain. MaxBabe has suggested I'm coming down with something. Goody.

I'm especially glad that I did not do the Rail Trail ride with mum and my aunt. To hear my mum tell the tale, it was a somewhat difficult ride that involved many falls. I don't think I'd've lasted long under those conditions. I've decided to have a few days off the bike and hopefully I'll feel better soon.

I went for a ride with my mum yesterday, a 50Km ride that felt like 200. I'd been lazy all week and had only gone for a single ride, so yesterday's ride felt like a marathon. I'm going for a ride with my best mate this morning. We'd originally planned at 50Km loop from Samford to Dayboro, but when I awoke this morning, I felt rotten. I called him (at 0445, thinking he'd be awake, only to realise I'd woken him) to see if we could do an easier ride instead. So we're doing the St Lucia/Annerley/Highgate Hill/Southbank/Toowong loop instead. I think it's a whopping 20Km of mostly flat terrain. Nothing like a challenge, eh...

My weight has been fluctuating badly the last four or five days. Up a kilo, down a kilo, up again, down again. Dear Body: WTF is wrong with you already?

My mum got herself a new bike not that long ago. It's a feather-light Scott S30FB. Everything about it screams "RIDE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". I've had a serious case of bike envy ever since I laid eyes on it. Last weekend I had a chance to ride it. It likes to go fast. It really does. But mum's bike's frame is too small for me, so I found myself not enjoying the ride! All bike envy GONE. It's just as well. This cycling malarky is awfully expensive. On the topic of cycling, I realise I've just racked up around 1800Km on my Apollo Fiamme. I'm very pleased about this. I've decided to set myself a goal of 2000Km for 2009. This year I've done around 450Km. If I maintain that average, I'll blow my goal away by the middle of the year. Of course, January's values are a little skewed, given I had a couple weeks' leave over xmas and had nothing better to do than go for long(ish) rides every day

To whit:

Did he stop his child from doing something stupid and dangerous? No, he did not. Did he, upon seeing his child seriously hurt himself, rend assistance? No, he did not. Did he let go of the video camera and assess the damage for himself? Did he do anything aside from stand there like a stack of shit, redundantly asking if the kid was alright? No, he did not.

So, I've been thinking lately that I should have my own blog. Self-indulgent though it is, for some reason it strikes me as less self-indulgent than LJ or posting long-winded threads on forums I frequent. So, here it is, my first post. This blog will be the resting place of any deep and meaningful thoughts I have, links to useful information -- useful to me that is -- and anything else my mind decides the rest of the world must see.