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Welcome to MGTCFN, Part 3. I was going to deal with cycling clothing today, but due to popular demand, this guide will instead be about getting a disused bike back onto the road. This bit is really important: If you are in any doubt whatsoever as to whether you are skilled enough to perform these tasks, or - more importantly - if you don't want to get your hands dirty with grease and muck, take your bike to the local bike shop (LBS) for a service.

Bicycles contain a number of mechanical parts that require tools. Many people have the basics - a set of allen keys, a set of screwdrivers. If you don't have these and don't want to spend money on buying them, take your bike to the LBS.

By virtue of containing mechanical parts, bicycles can sometimes be more complex than the average person realises. If you ever feel out of your depth, or feel that you might break more than you fix, take your bike to the LBS. You do NOT want to find out that your "hunch" about how to adjust the brakes turned out to be wrong. Especially if you're riding down Mt Everest and have reached terminal velocity. In this case, the term "terminal" refers to your life expectancy.

Now that I've got those disclaimers out of the way..

If you're new to bikes, or perhaps new to bicycle maintenance, it's useful to know the names of the various parts of your bike. Check out Bicycle Anatomy For Beginners. If you intend to do any regular maintenance, I can highly recommend Zinn's Art Of Road Bike Maintenance and the Mountain Bike equivalent. There's even one for you Triathlon freaks. Your local library will undoubtedly have books on bicycle maintenance too, so drop in and say hi to the librarians.

Cleaning
The first thing you should do is to clean your bike. This will remove any accumulated dirt, cobwebs etc. It will also allow you to see any damage to the frame, drivetrain and other components. You can wash your bike with a soft sponge/cloth, a stiff brush and regular car wash soap, and rinse it with fresh water. You can use bicycle-specific cleansing products if you prefer. Whatever you choose, it doesn't need to be heavy-duty - just strong enough to remove the crud that has accumulated. When "watering" your bike, do not use hose pressure to force water into any part of the bike. Doing so may force water into bearings (particularly the bottom bracket) which can seriously reduce your bike's life (and in turn, perhaps yours).

A video on how to clean your bike:
An old guy who does all his videos in full cycling kit. If watching an old dude dressed in spandex bothers you, try focusing on his face. Alternatively, you might like to do what I do, which is to imagine him in a clown suit. In any case, he provides a nice simple method of washing your bike.

Having cleaned the bicycle's frame, take the time to inspect the frame for rust, cracks and any other structural damage. A catastrophic frame failure at any speed could at best be very painful, and at worst, end up killing you. If you find anything that looks dodgy, take your bike to the LBS.

The part of your bike that takes your pedal strokes and turns them into forward momentum is called the drivetrain. This includes the front chainrings (AKA the cranks), the chain, the rear cogs (cassette) and the front and rear derailleurs. This part of the bike needs to be kept cleaned and properly lubricated. So, step two is to get your drivetrain clean and lubed. If your chain and drivetrain are relatively clean already, you should follow the method described by the Bicycle Tutor web site. To clean the chain, you'll need some degreaser (supercheap has this for.. well.. super cheap) and a bunch of rags. If your bike's chain and/or drivetrain are pretty cruddy, I suggest using a stiff brush and mild soap on the cogs and chainrings at the same time that you do your overall bike clean (ie do it as part of step 1). Follow that up with a degreasing/cleaning as demonstrated in the BicycleTutor.com video. Once you're done cleaning the chain and the chainrings and cogs, you should apply a lubricant. Again, BicycleTutor.com's video shows you how.

I really should've said this up front, but I guess this will catch those of you who skipped ahead. Cleaning a bicycle can be a non-messy thing to do. I say can, because whilst I know it's technically possible for one to remain clean whilst cleaning one's bicycle, my experience has been that one should not wear one's Sunday best. You should also know that despite your best efforts, you will get grease and crud on your hands. If you're not careful, you'll end up looking like that guy from KISS. Not the Simmons guy, this one:

During the cleaning and lubrication of your chain, you might encounter a stiff chain link. BicycleTutor.com, ever the saviour, has the answer here.

There ends the "dirty" part of the process.

Brakes
Brakes are an important part of cycling safety. There are many styles of brakes, and it would take many hours of writing to describe how to adjust them all. I suggest a visit to BicycleTutor.com's brake section. These videos describe the basics of adjusting the three most common types of hand-operated brakes. YouTube has plenty of relevant videos too.

The next instalment of Max's Guide To Cycling For N00bs will continue this article, and will discuss inspection of tyres, headset/handlebars and gears. Stay tuned!